When Facing Boiling Water

When Facing Boiling Water

Once upon a time a daughter complained to her father that her life was miserable and that she didn’t know how she was going to make it. She was tired of fighting and struggling all the time. It seemed just as one problem was solved, another one soon followed. Her father, a chef, took her to the kitchen. He filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire.

Once the three pots began to boil, he placed potatoes in one pot, eggs in the second pot and ground coffee beans in the third pot. He then let them sit and boil, without saying a word to his daughter. The daughter, moaned and impatiently waited, wondering what he was doing. After twenty minutes he turned off the burners. He took the potatoes out of the pot and placed them in a bowl. He pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. He then ladled the coffee out and placed it in a cup.

Turning to her, he asked. “Daughter, what do you see?” “Potatoes, eggs and coffee,” she hastily replied.

“Look closer”, he said, “and touch the potatoes.” She did and noted that they were soft.

He then asked her to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard-boiled egg.

Finally, he asked her to sip the coffee. Its rich aroma brought a smile to her face.

“Father, what does this mean?” she asked.

He then explained that the potatoes, the eggs and coffee beans had each faced the same adversity-the boiling water. However, each one reacted differently. The potato went in strong, hard and unrelenting, but in boiling water, it became soft and weak. The egg was fragile, with the thin outer shell protecting its liquid interior until it was put in the boiling water. Then the inside of the egg became hard. However, the ground coffee beans were unique. After they were exposed to the boiling water, they changed the water and created something new.

“Which one are you?” he asked his daughter. “When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a potato, an egg, or a coffee bean?”

Moral: In life, things happen around us, things happen to us, but the only thing that truly matters is how you choose to react to it and what you make out of it. Life is all about leaning, adopting and converting all the struggles that we experience into something positive.

Abuse Is Not Love

Teen Dating Violence Awareness

Teen Dating Violence Awareness

February is Teen Dating Violence Awareness and Prevention month. According to loveisrespect.org 1 in 3 teens has experienced physical, sexual, emotional or verbal abuse from a dating partner. If you are a parent of a teen or you’re a teenager yourself follow my blog posts this month as I share important information about dating violence.

When we think of abuse the first things that come to mind are black eyes and bruises. However physical violence is not the only form of abuse that occurs in relationships. Emotional and verbal abuse is often equally damaging to a person and occurs more frequently. The victim in the situation will often question, “Is this really abuse?” because there are no scars. Check this list to see if you or someone you know may be experiencing emotional or verbal abuse.

Some behaviors that qualify as emotional or verbal abuse by a partner:

  • -Name calling and put downs
  • -Screaming and yelling at you
  • -Isolation, keeping you from family and friends
  • -Controlling your behavior  ( i.e. what you wear, where you can go)
  • -Requiring constant check ins through phone call, texts, or other means
  • -Blaming you for their abusive behavior or words (“you made me do this”)
  • -Threatening to commit suicide or harm themselves if you break up with them
  • -Monitoring and controlling your use of the phone, computer, etc..
  • -Using threats to expose your personal secrets in an attempt to control you
  • -Starting rumors about you, including on social media

If you think you or someone you know is experiencing emotional/verbal abuse please reach out for help. The counselors here at Family First Counseling are ready to help.

For more information on teen dating violence or to find help in your local area check out www.loveisrespect.org