While marriage can be the most pleasurable experience, it can also be the most painful. It breaks my heart that almost half of all marriages end in divorce. An extramarital affair is the most detrimental event to a marriage and for the most part the hardest to treat. Going through the aftermath of adultery is like having to grieve for a death of a loved one. It is important to allow time to grieve whether you decide to stay or leave. It is also important to get professional help. Invite God to help you in the healing process. The Bible says that the Holy Spirit washes us with the water of the Word. The Bible is His Word. Start allowing the Lord to wash over you with healing as your begin to read the Bible. The Word of God states that His ear is attentive to your cry (Psalm 34:15) so He will comfort you (Isaiah 66:13). Turn to Him as you face this difficult phase in your life because there is nothing impossible with God. He will always work on the behalf of a person who trusts in Him and is trying to do the right thing. Give us a call so that we can help you in the healing process as well.
Conflicts are a healthy part of marriage if handled correctly. We should not bottle up our anger, but openly discuss the problems in our marriages. In marriage we have to give each other the right to complain. Do not go to bed in anger because this is when the enemy will come in and bring destruction in your marriage. Please watch the following 5 minute video about daily anger by Pastor Jimmy Evans from Marriage Today.
If you are married I challenge you to set aside at least twenty minutes a day to sit down and talk with your spouse. Communication is so important in marriage. When a husband and wife are not communicating with each other problems usually enter into the marriage. That happens because it gives the devil time to talk to each spouse separately. He will sow seeds of suspicion in your marriage along with doubt and lies. The silent treatment between two spouses is an invitation to trouble. Please don’t use silent treatment as a punishment, but rather make it a point to communicate to each other every day.
For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh (Genesis 2:24). So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate (Matthew 19:6).
In marriage there really shouldn’t be my, his, or her money. The money should be ours. Money should not cause division in your marriage. After all our money is all God’s money that he has entrusted to us. Married couples should be on the same page in tithing, giving, spending, and saving.
You need to be a team to have a successful marriage. Money is powerful, and if we don’t have any accountability we can become selfish very quickly. We need our spouse on our team, so that we can have the right perspective on our money. If you are not on the same page it is important to sit down and have a talk about creating a spending plan together.
Not only will you develop a deeper bond with your spouse when you can manage your finances together, but you will please God. Your intimacy will improve as well. Finances can deepen your relationship with one another if done right and if done together. When you keep your finances separate it says that I don’t trust you, or I am not ready to become one.
More marriages have blown apart over financial issues than almost any other factor!! Always discuss your finances as a couple. One spouse will usually have more financial skill and will naturally take the lead, but this is not an excuse for the other spouse not to be involved. Listen to what God is telling you through your financial circumstances. Don’t forget that everything we have comes from God. He owns all of it, and He entrusts it to us to use for His purposes. True financial success comes from following God’s plan for our finances.
It is so easy to point out the faults of our spouse. We can easily come up with a list of things that bother us about them: He does not help with chores, is inconsiderate, doesn’t listen, leaves dirty dishes everywhere, watches too much tv, and the list goes on. Same for vice versa: she doesn’t cook or clean, she always has an excuse why she doesn’t want to have sex, she let herself go, she doesn’t respect me, and so on. Can you relate to any of these complaints?
I want to challenge you to instead of focusing on your spouse’s shortcomings, ask yourself: “Am I who they need me to be?” Start by being the right spouse and see what happens. When we are so busy pointing the finger at our spouse we cannot step back and see our own shortcomings. If you were married to you what would that look like? What would your complain list look like? Try changing you first, and I think you will be surprised at the change you will see in your spouse as a result of you shifting the focus off of them and onto you.
Are you in a marriage where your spouse has either walked away from the Lord or never knew him? I was the unbelieving partner when I first met my husband. So how did I get to the point where I am now? Today, I love the Lord with all of my heart, soul, and mind. I know that prayer had a lot to do with it. Let me explain. The awesome thing about God is that we have access to him through Christ. Scripture tells us that if we ask it shall be given to us (Matthew 7:7) and if we ask in His name He will do it for us (John 14:14). When you pray believe that God will answer you because the Bible says that whatever things you ask when you pray, believe that you receive them, and you will have them (Mark 11:24). You should also give thanks to God for hearing and answering your prayers. Pray that the Lord will help you to be an uplifting example for your spouse. Ask God to give you “the mind of Christ” (1 Corinthians 2:16 & Philippians 2:5) so that your actions will represent the Lord and your influence will be a holy one.
Remember that Peter instructed Christian wives to witness to their unbelieving husbands through their righteous lifestyle and behavior (1 Peter 3:1-4). This can be said vice versa. We all try to take our spouse and put them in a box that they don’t always fit in like trying to fit a square into a circle, failing to realize that the only one who can change them is God. Forcing Christ on someone will never cause them to give their lives to Him, but praying for them and being the example of love that represents Christ will. I knew that my husband prayed for me. He also witnessed to me by representing what it meant to be a man of God. It was the presence of the Holy Spirit that drew me close to Christ through my husband, and made me the wife I am today. If you are praying for your spouse to please you and make you happy, try praying for your spouse to please God and watch what happens. The most precious gift you can give someone you love is the prayer that God will draw them close to Him. As you continue to pray without ceasing for your spouse also become a true representative of Christ. It is the love of Christ that draws men to Him.