No Perfect Parent

No Perfect Parent

Recently I learned about four parenting styles. I want to share them with you so you can reflect on how your parenting approach may be contributing to the problem of getting your child to obey. First I want to start off with the permissive parent. If you fit in the category you are a parent that offers lots of love but not much discipline. This can cause your child to have very low self esteem. When there are no boundaries your child feel inferior and insecure. Your child will feel loved but they are unsure of their limits.

The neglectful parent is the worst of all four. This type of parent does not offer much love or discipline leading the child to grow up with deep emotional scars. The authoritarian parent does not express much love but is very big on discipline. Children to these parents grow up rebellious. The last parenting style is the authoritative parent. This type of style provides the best combination of love and discipline. Their boundaries are clear and they are also very loving. This child grows up with great self-esteem and has great coping skill.

Where do you fit with these parenting styles? If you find yourself in one that you are not proud of please give us a call. We would love to work with you and your family to get you learn how to be an authoritative parent.

Dating after Divorce

 

Dating after Divorce

Dating after Divorce

Divorce can be a scary and complicated process to go through. Once your divorce is final, when is it the right time to begin dating? I am a divorce mother of a special needs child and here are three things I did after my divorce to help me to begin dating.

1. Seek Counseling.

Going through a divorce can be an emotional roller coaster. It is important for you to talk with someone to help you with deal with your feelings|. You want to be able to deal with any anger or hostility toward your ex-spouse before you will be able to move on with your life. The last thing you want to do is to bring old baggage to a new relationship. Counseling gave me insight on how I wanted to move forward with my life as a single parent.

2. Get to know myself again.

Being a wife and mother for so many years, I forgot the person I was. I forgot the little things I like to do and all the things I liked about myself, so I begin to take myself out on dates. I went out to the movies and dinner. I had to learn how to be happy by myself. I also kept a daily journal. Although I do not write in it everyday, it helps me with writing down my thoughts and feeling on what is going on in my life. I love looking back on it to see how far I have come.

3. Begin to date again.

Scary!! Dating has change since I was single. Most of my friends are married so I had to find ways to meet new people. It was important for me to get myself back out into he world, so I could begin to find that special person. Singles group at church or online dating is a great way to get your feet wet.

Have fun dating. You should take the first few dates getting to know the person. Don’t go into it trying to make a love connection, just relax and enjoy yourself.

Surviving Christmas as the Non-Custodial Parent

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Christmas can be the most difficult time of the year to be without your child. Seeing all of the Christmas decorations and Santa’s in the malls, kids running around being festive about the holiday season can leave you feeling overwhelmed and depressed. Every parent wants to see their child wake up Christmas morning to open their gifts, so what can you do if your child will be with their other parent?

My first year was very difficult without my son, but since then I have learned three key things that have help me deal with this transition.

1. Celebrate Christmas early or late.

My son taught me that the date is not as important as the time spent at home. This year we had Christmas early. We plan a day when he was able to wake up early in the morning and open all of his gifts. He had all of his favorite meals and we played all day with his new toys. If you were not able to celebrate early, it’s okay to plan something for your child when they return home. It’s never too late to celebrate.

2. Volunteer.

It is exciting to put a smile on someone else’s face. There are so many people who don’t have anyone in their life to care for them, or have lost a love one and the holiday season can be extremely difficult for them to get through. You can start be contacting your local shelter, senior citizen homes or church. It always great to give back to those in need.

3. Pamper yourself.

Don’t be afraid to take time out for yourself. You can treat yourself to massage,  manicure or pedicure. Go see a movie that you been waiting to come out. If you not able to spend a lot of money, stay home and fix your favorite meal, watch your favorite program or sit quietly and listing to some music or read a book.

You have to find time to fine tune yourself so you can be a better person to yourself and your love ones.

 

Faith, Family, Friends & Fun

FFC image Faith Family Friends and Fun

God has blessed me to have such an awesome family.  Just to think about the many blessings he has bestowed upon us is actually overwhelming sometimes.  From the time that my girls were babies up to now, I have to admit that I have enjoyed being a family man.  We are always doing something together. It doesn’t have to be “BIG” all the time. To admit, most time we are doing little things such as; riding around site-seeing (some call it; being nosey), going to the mall, getting a bite to eat, sitting outside enjoying the night air, catching a movie, or just sitting at home getting on each others nerves. Oh yes; we do that very well.  Life was designed by God in that we would first have a relationship with him (Faith) and then build a relationship with our (Family) and others (Friends).  While we are developing these relationships we make it our business to have (FUN)!  There is nothing like a family that first loves God, then is willing to go all out having fun while sharing their lives with others.  For those of you that have families; you should cherish it. For their are many individuals who go through life looking for the family oriented lifestyle and never find it. I am constantly praying for these individuals that God will somehow fulfill their emptiness.  But for you all that have families; find time to have fun together.  Stop spending all your time alone doing what you want to do as if you are single. Stop let things such as your job, people, bills, or even yourself hinder you from spending good quality time with your family.  You only live once.  Because we have no idea what turns life may take, it would be wise to start investing good quality time in your family.  That’s right; Faith, Family, Friends & Fun!!! What a wonderful combination.  Get on board and start living the life!

When Should I Discuss Sex With My Children???

FFC image Sex Discussion

The bible lets us know that children are gifts from God.  No matter how they are conceived, they are still God-given gifts of life.  When children are born we see them as one of the most beautiful sites ever.  Just to hold them in your arms is such an unexplainable feeling.  We know that as long as they are in our arms, they are protected and secure. Protecting them becomes our number one goal.  We want to protect them from everything, which by the way is impossible.  Although it may be impossible to protect them from everything, we can protect them from some things.  One of the best ways to protect our children is through communication.  Yes, you guessed it, talk to them.  Talk to them about what?  Everything!  This includes sex!  Most parents will talk about everything else but sex.  With the growing epidemic of sexually transmitted diseases and HIV, this should be the most talked about subject at home.  Some will agree and others will disagree.  As for the parents who agree, the next question is WHEN?  When should I discuss sex with my child? What is the appropriate age?  Frankly, there is not an appropriate age to have this discussion.  Base the timing of the discussion off the maturity level of the child along with your judgement as a parent.  So now the question arises; what or how much should be discussed?  The answer is EVERYTHING and EVERYTHING!  Remember if you don’t communicate with them about sex, they will eventually become informed in ways that you never could dream of.  Moreover, they may find out “from or with” someone you may not want them to.  So let’s make it our responsibility to keep our children informed of the truth when it comes to subjects of this nature.  Afterwards; when the time comes, your children can make an informed and educated decision concerning themselves and their involvement in sex.

Don’t Forget About the Family!

Extended family sitting outdoors smiling

Sometimes we can get so caught up in the cares of the world that we forget about the things that really matter.  One main thing that we should always stay up on is “the family.” I am a firm believer in the institution of family.  Outside of our faith in God, family should be our number one priority.  Just as God instituted marriage, he also designed the institution of families.  Families should produce love and support for everyone that exists within.  However, in most families this is not the case.  Today we find many families in ruins due to many things such as: the lack or the abundance of money, drugs, infidelity in marriages, divorce, sexual abuse, incest, and the list goes on and on.  How do we maintain a healthy family while continuing to pursue and live our individual lives?  Here are a few ways:

  1. Spiritual foundation:   include God; (Joshua 24:15 says; as for me and my house we will serve the Lord).
  2. Communication: keep constant and open lines of communication
  3. Education: spiritual, social, political, and personal
  4. Social Events
  5. Family huddles: intimate times to share and address issues

These are just a few of the many things that we can do to help enhance and maintain our families. Be careful not to become self-absorbed and forget about the family chemistry.  Being mindful of your family and submitting to your family needs will lead to a long-lasting and healthy family.