Is Divorce Possible Before Marriage?

Is divorce possible before marriage

If you live together with someone before getting married, your chances of divorce increase significantly. Also, almost every problem people think they are avoiding by living together actually increases — abuse, infidelity, breakup, etc.

Even though cohabiting with someone might seem like a good idea — it is a practical disaster. The worst thing about cohabitation is the mindset that drives it. To understand this mindset and how it sets up a relationship for failure — you must first understand the mindset that is necessary for success in marriage.

Marriage is a covenant relationship that is a every important relationship that God has with man or we have with each other. The word covenant means “to cut”. The idea is sacrifice and total commitment — just as Jesus instituted the New Covenant with us in His blood.

We must enter into marriage with a covenant mentality. When we say our vows, “…for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health…until death do us part…” we must mean business. Covenant commitment lays the foundation for lasting love and mutual care.

In cohabitation, covenant commitment is absent. In fact, the spirit that drives cohabitation is the opposite of covenant. You see, in covenant, when a man and woman are getting married, the spirit of the vows they are making is one of assuming responsibility to “love and to cherish” each other in a sacrificial manner.

The spirit of cohabitation is the opposite. The primary reason people choose to live together is to see how good someone is at taking care of them before they will commit. This is why the divorce rate is so high if they marry. From day one — self was at the center stage of the relationship.

Today, half of all couples getting married have lived together before marriage. As I already stated, their chances of having serious problems or divorcing are much higher than couples that didn’t cohabit. But are they cursed without remedy? No. However, to avoid the consequences of cohabitation, there must be a real change in the orientation of the marriage.

Here is how you change things: You must make a covenant commitment that focuses on obeying God and serving your spouse sacrificially. You must get the focus off of yourself and get your foot out of the backdoor.

Because of their fear of marriage problems or divorce, our society has taken the approach that the best way to solve the problem is to live together without formalizing a commitment. In sociological terms we call this cohabitation. On the street it’s called, “shacking up” or “living in sin”. Whatever you call it — it just doesn’t work and it actually produces and multiplies the problems it fears.

God’s way is best. If you are living together — my advice to you is to either split up or get married. If you’re married and lived together before marriage, change the orientation of your focus from yourself to God and your spouse in a covenant commitment. This will remove the flaw in the foundation and give you a solid chance for success in marriage.

Retrieved from Marriage Today

Being Single is not that Bad


Being Single is not that Bad

There are many things to love and enjoy about being single. Being single is not a bad thing. However, as with anything, being single is not always fun or easy.

There are cultural and societal pressures/judgments/beliefs associated with being single that often weigh heavily on single people. In our culture there is a very real pressure, whether spoken or not, to be married; an expectation that at a certain point in life, people should want to be married. However, it is not always the external pressure or presumptions that are the hardest for single people to bear or the most dangerous. Often, the toughest challenges and most significant pressures of being single come from within.

Many of us internalize the external pressures and expectations around us — we adopt or over-identify with the issues of other people and society. We aim to please or meet the expectations of others rather than focus on our own expectations and desires. If enough people ask, “What is wrong with you?” because you aren’t married, eventually, some folks will internally conclude that something is wrong with them because they are not married. Who knows how many family, religious or geographical cultural beliefs are tattooed on our lives to our own detriment.

One of the dangers of internalizing the beliefs and pressures of others is when those feelings start to drive life decisions. I think this happens most often when the internalized pressure to marry mixes with the occasional loneliness and/or fear that comes along with being single.

Believe it or not, your single years will be some of the most beautiful and wonderful times of your life! Being single is an important part of the journey of life, and an especially important part of the journey toward marriage.

Why You’re Not Married Quiz

WHY YOU’RE NOT MARRIED QUIZ

I meet several women (and men) who aren’t married yet and wonder why.  It may be that you haven’t met the right person or that you haven’t evolved into the right person.  Recently ran across a book called “Why You’re Not Married Yet – The Straight Talk You Need to Get the Relationship You Deserve” by Tracy McMillan.  I’m all about sharing information and improving marriage.  So if I can help some folks before they married, I can maybe help some future marriages down the road.  If many of the questions on this quiz offend you, that might be the answer to why you aren’t married.  IJS.  This book is geared towards women which in no way indicates that women who aren’t married are always at fault.  (The views in this book are not necessarily my views or those of Family First Counseling.) See Amazon.com’s review here.

Answer honestly as you can, lying to yourself is hardly productive.

  1. Sometimes I wonder what the big deal is about being in a relationship anyway.
  2. My favorite thing to do is to be right.
  3. I really want to be loved for who I am.
  4. I’m at work so much, I’ve thought about painting my cubicle.
  5. Nice people bug me.
  6. I have more than 2 godchildren.  (Add 1 point for each additional godchild.)
  7. Looks don’t really mater, unless a guy is poor or stupid.
  8. I have an advanced degree in a subject where there is no job at the end.
  9. I’ve never cheated on anyone, ever — except for that one time.
  10. As far as childbearing goes, my age falls somewhere between “I don’t care anymore” and “oh my goodness.”
  11. Men fall in love through sex.
  12. I have looked through a man’s cell phone or other electronics.
  13. I have forwarded myself emails or texts from a man’s cell phone or computer. (3 points)
  14. I have showed up unannounced at a man’s place of business.
  15. I don’t know how they built the Great Wall of China without my help (i.e. I know everything).
  16. I’ve been told I’m needy.  Which was BS.
  17. I have broken up with someone by text message or voice mail.
  18. I have looked at a man’s picture on the internet and seriously felt that I was going to marry him.
  19. I’m pretty sure I’m psychic.
  20. If you add it all up, I’ve been in therapy for more than five years.
  21. I subscribe to gossip magazines and fantasize about the lives of famous people.
  22. I have a behavior or habit that I swear I will stop doing as soon as my husband shows up.
  23. Letting go is overrated.  I like to hang on to things.
  24. I like to date guys with better jobs, faces or families than mine.
  25. Sometimes I think I’m fat/ugly/stupid–but I don’t have low self esteem.
  26. My bookshelf is filled with self-help.
  27. I’ve read Twilight.  (If you finished it, add 3 points.  If you bought tickets for the movie ahead of time, add 7 points.  If you camped out in line, add 23 points.
  28. I’ve tried to do the “Single Ladies” dance at least once.
  29. I find out a guys astrological sign within the first week.
  30. I know what zabasearch.com is.
  31. I’ve sent a guy a cute email, text or stuffed animal inside a coffee mug–even when technically, we weren’t dating.
  32. My dad was a liar, cheater, gambler, criminal and/or mean.
  33. My mom was a drinker, depressive, rager, gorgeous and/or extremely well dressed.
  34. My siblings were better looking, smarter, more athletic and/or the type of people who like to hold things over you.
  35. I have names picked out for my children. (If it’s Bella or Edward, add 12 points)
  36. I’m single and I can’t figure out why
  37. Marriage is stupid. And men suck.
  38. Unless a guy has a high powered job (Lawyer, Doctor, etc.) he’s not marriage material.

Add 1 point for each “True” answer, plus any extra points as indicated.

1-9 POINTS: YOU NEED THIS INFORMATION A LITTLE BIT

But you will feel sure that you know everything in it.  You will then pass it on to a single friend, say it was some mess, but you had to share it. You will then hope that she learns something from it.

10 – 19 POINTS: YOU NEED THIS INFORMATION

It’s not that you will never find a happy relationship if you don’t figure out what’s going on with you; it’s just that you’ll find it so much quicker if you do.  The longer you wait, the worse it gets.  You need to know what you’re dealing with so that you can deal with it.

20 – 29 POINTS: YOU ABSOLUTELY NEED THIS INFORMATION

You are exhausted.  Nobody denies you had some fun, but you are glad this year is over.  You can have a chance to start over and this time do it right.

30+ POINTS: YOU REALLY, REALLY NEED THIS INFORMATION

You already know something in your love life isn’t working.  What you didn’t know is that nothing is working in your love life.  But  don’t worry.  Working on it will feel better than continuing to live in denial.

Reply with any questions, comments or thoughts.  I would love to hear what you think!

Read next time for information from chapter 1: You’re A Witch (my clean version)