I recently read an article about Jared from Subway and his case about child pornography. It caused me to think a little. At first I was in denial and I just did not want to believe that the ‘Subway Guy’ could do such a thing. Immediately after though , I was disgusted and wanted him to be punished. After I finished reading the article and calming my emotions down I discovered that the real question is whether or not child pornography is a sickness or a choice. Even with the strides that have been taken, mental health is still pretty much a taboo subject. On the other hand though, people are quick to use the insanity plea and any other mental health cop out that they can and because of that people are weary to believe there is an issue when there really is one. But back to Jared….as I was reading the article it said that Jared was attracted to girls 16 and 17 from the time he was 15 and it just never progressed to older women. It can be any young girl, from what I understood from the article. He even had cameras in his own children’s rooms. What can be said about that? Is he an adult pervert or is there something mentally deeper that is causing him to be attracted to young girls? Jared took a plea deal and is headed to the federal prison for 15 years. The question in mind though is should he be in prison or should he be in some sort of therapy and rehab (he also has an alcohol addiction)?
This is not an uncommon question. It is often asked by those who have not experienced and do not understand the complexity of remaining in a abusive relationship. The truth of the matter is that many people who are in relationships where no abuse occurs do not immediately leave even when there is trouble in paradise, or they leave and then return, similar to men and women who are in abusive relationships. The answer as to why they remain in the abusive relationship is as complex and complicated as how they will break free from the relationship. Leaving the relationship is a process. Professionals who work with victims of abuse know that the most dangerous time is when the victim leaves because the abuser becomes more violent.
Victims of abuse may face several hurdles to leaving the relationship. This list is not exhaustive:
- Economic Dependence on their abuser/Lack of Work Experience/Lack of financial resources
- Fear for their safety or the safety of their children and/or other family members.
- Isolation — no support system.
- Beliefs about Family — the victim may believe that family should not share family secrets. Guilt about breaking up the family unit.
- Beliefs about Marriage — the victim may believe that separation or divorce is not permissible.
- Belief that the abuser will find and kill the victim.
- Society’s response against victims — legal system, religious systems, family systems, and community.
- Belief that the abuser will change.
- Attachment and love for the abuser.
- Fear of losing custody of their children.
- Lack of Information about community resources that advocate and support.