The part about counseling that I look least forward to is the diagnosis portion. No matter how many times I have challenged clients to view the diagnosis as a separate thing from their personality, it never fails – many of them view themselves as the diagnosis. Sometimes the clients will use the diagnosis as a pessimistic barrier. “I can’t do ____, because I am bipolar”, “I will never ____, because I am schizophrenic”, etc. There is nothing wrong with limited thinking, but how great would it be to be optimistic about a diagnosis?
I am currently reading Furiously Happy by Jenny Lawson. She is open and honest about her battle with mental illness, with a funny twist. I find myself at times laughing out loud with her descriptions of thoughts and plans of action. The book is refreshing because Mrs. Lawson shows that mental illness does not need to cripple you; if anything it is about embracing the differences and finding joy in knowing that you are not like everyone else. She views the term “crazy” as a good thing, opposed to bad. I have mixed emotions on finishing this book, because I have yet to find another author with the same perspective as hers.
If you or someone you know is viewing their diagnosis as a burden instead of grace, I would highly recommend this book. Not only will you or they be deep belly laughing, but it will broaden your/their view of mental illness. Enjoy reading and let me know your thoughts!
This week I would like you to shower yourself with love. Start off by writing a love letter to yourself. Next call your voicemail and read that love letter to yourself. Lastly, call your voicemail and listen to the message you left yourself. Save that message so that you can listen to it anytime you need to remind yourself why you are important and why you love yourself. If you are stuck and cannot find positive words to write to yourself give us a call. We have very flexible scheduling and rates.
Every woman feels lust. That’s a good thing, because it keeps us wanting to be closer to our mates. But when we take that lust and channel it into voyeuristic, distorted and downright unhealthy ways, we end up emotionally dull and even depressed. I have never heard a woman who has read pornography say that it enhanced her life. Not one. But I have listened to many parents (mothers and fathers) who have felt the intense pain of emotional and family destruction because of it. Don’t fool yourself, it’s powerful stuff. And the place that it takes you is nowhere good. I can guarantee that (Dr. Meg Meeker on 50 Shades of Gray).
We are living in a time when we need strong women to stand up for what is good and right for ourselves and for our children. Doing this requires that we exercise self control and live a life of discipline. Every one of us feels lust, but we need to respect it and make sure that it goes in a healthy direction, not a destructive one (Dr. Meg Meeker on 50 Shades of Gray).
Let’s be honest ladies. 50 Shades of Gray is porn for women! In addition to that, it is centered on violence. This book honors and glorifies bondage. It glorifies dominance and sadism. It honors masochism. Masochism is deriving pleasure from one’s own pain or humiliation. If you were to come across your husband watching porn on the internet would you be upset? Them watching porn online is the same thing as you reading 50 Shades of Gray. Let me explain. Men need visuals, women need romance that appeal to their minds like 50 Shades of Gray.
This book carries so much falsehood. After reading such books women expect to get affection from their husbands the way it’s made up in these books. It can break your marriage because a book like this can take your physical desire away from your husband. You get entangled finding pleasure in something other then your spouse.
So if you are entangled in this pornography how do you get out of it? Start by identifying triggers that make you vulnerable. When you recognize these triggers find healthy ways to meet those longings. You have to limit your access to your sources of temptation as well. Get rid of 50 Shades of Gray. Get rid of movies that you know are wrong for you to watch. Set up an accountability partner that can help you stay accountable. Overcome your addiction to porn or erotica by getting help. If you are feeling a mixture of denial, judgment, fear, and guilt, give us a call. That’s what we are here for.
I just came across this story that I wanted to share with all of you from Marriage Today by Pastor Jimmy Evans…
A couple that has been married for 30 years and are madly in love got up to share their testimony about marriage. The woman stunned everyone as she opened up her testimony with what a lousy husband she had when she got married. She went on to share that he did not know how to manage money, was never home, and was insensitive to her needs. He never prayed either. As she spoke these terrible details about her husband, he just stood there smiling the whole time. The audience had no idea where she was taking them. After saying all of this, the woman looked at the audience and shared about the choices she had to make. She knew she could nag him and try to change him. She could make the decision to leave him, but in her heart she knew that none of those things were right. So what did she do?
She decided to let him fail so that God could correct him and work on him. In that process she honored him and loved him. In the time she spent praying for him she began to see God changing her husband before her eyes. Her husband stood next to her proudly a completely different man then the one she married. She shared that her husband did not get that way because she nagged him or demanded that he change. He got that way because his wife treated him with respect.
This is not to say that we cannot share our disagreements with our spouses, but the key words are kindness and respect. Treat him the way you want to be treated. Honor him and pray for him. Don’t nag. Don’t become manipulative. You may win a few battles with those tactics, but you’ll always lose the war.
A man’s greatest need is to be honored ladies, especially when it comes from you. If you honor him even when he knows he doesn’t deserve it, God will use it in a powerful way. He will deepen your husband’s love for you as He changes your husband’s heart. Progress is not made by dishonoring a person or trying to force them to change. The only way to do it is through prayer and treating them better than they deserve.