How can I be sure?

How can I be sure

Why are we getting married?

How are we going to divide up the household chores?

Does religion play an important part in your life?

Do you think faith and spirituality are important in a marriage?

What is your image of God?

Finances:

Are you a saver or spender when it comes to money?

How much do we owe in debts and what are our assets?

Do you want to have a budget?

Should we have a joint checking account or separate accounts or both?

Who is going to be responsible for making sure that bills are paid on time?

What are our financial goals?

Family:

Do we want to have children?

How long should we be married before having children?

What is your parenting philosophy?

Will one of us stay home after we have children?

What values do you want to bring from your family into our marriage?

Sex & Intimacy:

Are you comfortable discussing your sexual likes and dislikes?

What are your expectations of our sexual relationship?

Am I a jealous person?

Do I have trust issues or feel insecure?

What is your love language?

Do you think it is important to be faithful to one another?

Do you think we have problems in our relationship that we need to deal with before our wedding?

Do you think our differences will create problems in our marriage?

Do you expect or want me to change?

Are we both willing to work on our communication skills and to share intimately with each other?

Is it Wrong to Live Together Before Marriage?

Is it wrong to live together before marriageResearch has shown that people who live together before marriage will have a poorer marriage quality. When a relationship is based on immediate sexual gratification then the ability to assess the quality of the relationship is hindered. The American Psychological Association’s Journal of Family Psychology states that couples who wait to have sex until marriage have higher rates of relationship satisfaction, better communication patterns, less consideration of divorce, and better sexual quality. Bottom line, if the commitment isn’t there before sex, what is the likelihood it will develop after sex?

Have a NEW WIFE by Friday!

Have a new wife by Friday

Does your wife nag? Is she controlling? Can she be a drama queen? Is she constantly complaining? Does she forget to complement you, and is she always looking for excuses not to have sex? Husbands here are tools for you to have a new better improved wife: Are you ready to take on the challenge it takes for that to happen?

Your wife’s greatest need is security. She needs to know that she is safe and provided for. It is very important for her to know that you will sacrifice a hobby, an interest, or even friends to make sure her needs are met. By being secure she will let go of being overly controlling.

You have to show empathy. Your wife nags because you are not sensitive to her needs. If you are not sensitive to her needs she will not feel romantic, and that is when you get the excuses. A woman wants her feelings to be understood and validated. You can do this by listening to her without offering solutions or unsolicited advice. Attempt to understand her point of view. Do not go into the fix-it mode. Show her affection so she can feel loved and needed. Turning your wife on starts way before the lights go off.

In addition to empathy please show your wife non-sexual affection. Communicate to your wife that she is more then a sex object for you by holding her from time to time. She needs this. No excuse about how you are just not affectionate and she needs to love you the way you are. You need to change if you want to see a changed wife.

Reckless spending has no place in marriage. I think it is important to discuss all important financial purchases with your spouse. There has to be shared leadership.

Let your wife know that you appreciate her, her work and her mothering. This will make her feel secure. Praise her in public, be her biggest fan. Never criticize her in front of others.

Being faithful to her will build protective walls in your relationship. Do not spend your physical and emotional energy on other women (especially women you consider “just friends”), but guard your marriage by not allowing other people to enter in to your relationship. This will let your wife know that she can be completely vulnerable to you with her heart.

Be a man that comes through on his word. Do the things you tell her you will do, and also show up when you tell her you will show up. Be dependable.

When a husband makes his wife feel secure by offering affection and communication he meets some of her biggest needs. This goes a long way toward loving your wife the way Jesus loves the Church. Ephesians 5:25 says that husbands should love their wives just as Christ loved the Church and gave himself up for her. This takes work, but God’s standard is for husbands to give your life to your wife. When you love your wife more than you love yourself God will bless you. When you love her more then yourself, and you sacrifice and strive to meet her needs you will see a huge improvement in your wife. I read somewhere that WHEN YOU MAKE YOUR WIFE FEEL SECURE IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP SHE WILL MOVE MOUNTAINS FOR YOU.

You have tools to have a new wife. Are you ready to take on the challenge it takes for that to happen?

Is It Really Love!!!

Spring is in the air….the season of love (saison de l’amour…ooh la la)! In the beginning of most relationships we are blind to the others faults or simply consider them simple quirks that we love about him or her. You want to be around him/her as much as possible. You go out in public and hold hands or display some form of affection for one another. You are floating on air…what could be better than love? Sometimes or love is put to the test. I guess you could say that daily life stressors get in the way and sometimes, according to some, love simply fades away. So where does the love go in regards to some relationships?

I Corinthians 13: 4-7 states:

4 Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, 5 does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, 6 does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; 7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love NEVER fails.

Love is action! Love is patient and kind. These are action words. Love rejoices in the success of another and builds others up by words and deeds. Love looks for ways to encourage another, forgives and thinks the best of the other. I know many of you are thinking easier said than done. Especially when those quirks you loved so much in the beginning have become nerve wrecking. Some days I totally agree. These are the days I pray for patience…I’m sure my husband has these days as well. Patience… Think about it, why are you frustrated by the things your spouse is doing? Naturally, you feel that he/she should know better, but ask yourself is it really worth getting upset over. Your spouse is an adult and for some change is difficult. So if someone has to make an adjustment ask yourself, why not me? Sometimes being right or proving a point is simply not worth it. I encourage each of you to think about the true meaning of LOVE and govern yourself accordingly!!!

So what do you think…Is it really Love???

 

 

Why Should We Get Pre-Marital Counseling?

Why Should We Get Pre-Marital Counseling

This past Friday, I attended the wedding of two good friends.

These two friends had been dating for two years, were engaged after a year and a half of dating, and had originally planned for a long engagement while the bride finished her bachelor’s degree.

The couple had entered into their engagement with the intention of completing pre-marital counseling to ensure that their decision to marry was foolproof. They thought of the counseling as a “flu shot” and as being “preventative,” which is an excellent perspective on how beneficial pre-marital counseling can be.

Unfortunately, due to a change in their original perspective, they did not finish their pre-marital counseling and moved their wedding from three years in the future to this past Friday. They confessed that they moved up their wedding because there was a fear of marriage failure if they chose to wait any longer.

They did not realize that, by giving up on their counseling, they may be setting themselves up for the failure that they are most afraid of.

The benefits of pre-marital counseling has been defined in an article I’ve found while researching this topic:
1. There would be no secrets revealed after the “I Do’s” because they would have been revealed in counseling sessions.
2. You benefit from the objective perspectives on your relationship given by the counselor.
3. If done with a pastor, plans for worship and faith are clearly defined. Your pastor will also KNOW WHO YOU ARE before the ceremony.
4. It really is a good preventative method for divorce.

Melissa Butler

What We Want vs. What We Need

What We Want versus What We Need?

In an ideal world we would satisfy our search for a significant other, with someone who fulfills all of our wants and needs. This would be our Mr. or Ms. Right.  Does such a person exist? Are our standards set to high that no one will ever be able to fill these shoes? Does this longing cause a sense of desperation and we begin to settle more for wants over needs?  For example, you may want someone who is spontaneous and buys you nice things but what you need is a partner with job stability.

Are you willing to settle for the bungee jumper who changes jobs three times a year or, are you willing to work on spontaneity with a partner who has job security?