Is it Wrong to Live Together Before Marriage?

Is it wrong to live together before marriageResearch has shown that people who live together before marriage will have a poorer marriage quality. When a relationship is based on immediate sexual gratification then the ability to assess the quality of the relationship is hindered. The American Psychological Association’s Journal of Family Psychology states that couples who wait to have sex until marriage have higher rates of relationship satisfaction, better communication patterns, less consideration of divorce, and better sexual quality. Bottom line, if the commitment isn’t there before sex, what is the likelihood it will develop after sex?

Why Premarital Sex is Not Okay!!!

FFC image Premarital Sex

“All things are lawful unto me, but all things are not expedient: all things are lawful for me, but I will not be brought under the power of any”  (I Cor. 6:12)  Just because I have the right to do anything, does not mean that it is good for me to do these things!

Have you ever been told? “boy you better be careful, don’t you get that girl pregnant, you better wrap it up, and get pregnant if you want to.”  Does any of this sound familiar to you?  Of course it does.  These are the things that you probably were told by your parents and you are possibly telling your children in reference to sex. The problem with these statements is that all of them are giving the child permission to engage in premarital sex.  These are statements with no explanations.  When advising a child about premarital sex, the main objective that you may want to instill in them is the reasons as to why they should not engage into premarital sex.  In other words, tell them; no sex before marriage BECAUSE…  Yes, explain to them why.  I believe that if children understood the whys, we would have less children becoming sexually active before they are married.  Listed below are some biblical and logical explanations and answers to your children when they ask you “why shouldn’t I have sex now:”

  1. Sex was designed by God for marriages between a man and woman only
  2. Premarital sex is a sin (all sex)
  3. Avoid STD’s
  4. Unwanted pregnancies
  5. Unwanted abortions
  6. Premature emotional bonding
  7. Heart break from failed relationship
  8. Sexual abuse from mate(s)
  9. Financial responsibility of children
  10. Single parenting

I’m pretty sure there are more reasons to include in this list, however, this is a good place to begin. Educate your children.  If you love them, you will be truthful to them.  Once you deliver the information into their hands, then they become empowered to make the right decision.  Always let them know; just because they can, does not mean they should.

Sources: the Bible; Genesis 1:28, Genesis 2:18-25, I Cor. 6:18-25, I Cor. 6:12

 

Is a Prenup a Good Idea?

Is a Prenup a Good Idea?Yours, mine, ours, the words take on new meaning when you’re getting married — and entirely different new meanings if you’re splitting up. While a lot of couples have gotten engaged and no one can predict their future, many people find that a prenuptial agreement helps increase their security during the marriage, and ease the transition should it end. To others, starting out with a request for a prenuptial it feels like stacking the deck against a happy union. It seems that prenuptial offer predictability and marriage is unpredictable; you are essentially trying to figure out what’s going to happen, and where you will be financially, when you get divorce. A prenuptial agreement can clarify the financial rights and responsibilities of each party during the marriage and the distribution of property in the case of divorce or death. Prenuptial can protect spouses from each other’s debts. They can also spell out how one spouse’s property can be passed on to children from a previous marriage. In addition, a prenuptial agreement can indicate whether one of the parties is to receive alimony.

The conversation about whether or not to have a Prenuptial  can be a good entry into a conversation about finances that every couple should have before tying the knot: Who will pay for what? Who will stay home with children? What if someone wants to go back to school? How much of our paychecks will we save for retirement? Money is emotional. How we make it, how much we have, whether we’re spenders or savers, how much debt we have taken on — all of these subjects can be sensitive, which can easily lead people to avoid talking about them at all? Some believe that Prenuptial  will secure you financially but will also put strain in your marriage even before you started.

You’re a Witch (clean version) – Chapter 1 of “Why You’re Not Married Yet”

I recently read this book called  “Why You’re Not Married Yet – The Straight Talk You Need to Get the Relationship You Deserve” by Tracy McMillan.  I’m all about sharing information and improving marriage.  So if I can help some folks before they married, I can maybe help some future marriages down the road.  (The views in this book are not necessarily my views or those of Family First Counseling.) Read the previous post to learn more about the book and for a link to Amazon’s review.

You’re a Witch (Or, How Anger and Fear are Keeping You Single)

  1. Do people walk on eggshells around you–and you kind of like it?
  2. Does the idea that you should be nice to a man make you angry?
  3. Have past boyfriends felt that you were defensive or hard to get close to?

Bottom line of this chapter: Most men just want to marry someone who is nice to them.  That includes having sex enthusiastically with them, laughing and occasionally cooking a meal, folding the laundry or something else just because you love him.  If being asked makes you mad, then the answer is probably not.  It boils down to just having a funky attitude often with no reason.  Be conscious of how you express your anger.

Author’s Summary: Take a cold hard look at what no one has been willing to say straight to your face:

  • You’re a witch – You’re not nice, and men don’t want to marry you because of it.
  • Being a witch is really about anger and defensiveness  – The anger looks justified, which is why it seems so righteous.
  • Be nice.
  • Learn to forgive – being nice won’t happen until you forgive.
  • Get a new story – Be creative, live ya life.

Next Post: Chapter 2 – You’re Shallow

 

Why You’re Not Married Quiz

WHY YOU’RE NOT MARRIED QUIZ

I meet several women (and men) who aren’t married yet and wonder why.  It may be that you haven’t met the right person or that you haven’t evolved into the right person.  Recently ran across a book called “Why You’re Not Married Yet – The Straight Talk You Need to Get the Relationship You Deserve” by Tracy McMillan.  I’m all about sharing information and improving marriage.  So if I can help some folks before they married, I can maybe help some future marriages down the road.  If many of the questions on this quiz offend you, that might be the answer to why you aren’t married.  IJS.  This book is geared towards women which in no way indicates that women who aren’t married are always at fault.  (The views in this book are not necessarily my views or those of Family First Counseling.) See Amazon.com’s review here.

Answer honestly as you can, lying to yourself is hardly productive.

  1. Sometimes I wonder what the big deal is about being in a relationship anyway.
  2. My favorite thing to do is to be right.
  3. I really want to be loved for who I am.
  4. I’m at work so much, I’ve thought about painting my cubicle.
  5. Nice people bug me.
  6. I have more than 2 godchildren.  (Add 1 point for each additional godchild.)
  7. Looks don’t really mater, unless a guy is poor or stupid.
  8. I have an advanced degree in a subject where there is no job at the end.
  9. I’ve never cheated on anyone, ever — except for that one time.
  10. As far as childbearing goes, my age falls somewhere between “I don’t care anymore” and “oh my goodness.”
  11. Men fall in love through sex.
  12. I have looked through a man’s cell phone or other electronics.
  13. I have forwarded myself emails or texts from a man’s cell phone or computer. (3 points)
  14. I have showed up unannounced at a man’s place of business.
  15. I don’t know how they built the Great Wall of China without my help (i.e. I know everything).
  16. I’ve been told I’m needy.  Which was BS.
  17. I have broken up with someone by text message or voice mail.
  18. I have looked at a man’s picture on the internet and seriously felt that I was going to marry him.
  19. I’m pretty sure I’m psychic.
  20. If you add it all up, I’ve been in therapy for more than five years.
  21. I subscribe to gossip magazines and fantasize about the lives of famous people.
  22. I have a behavior or habit that I swear I will stop doing as soon as my husband shows up.
  23. Letting go is overrated.  I like to hang on to things.
  24. I like to date guys with better jobs, faces or families than mine.
  25. Sometimes I think I’m fat/ugly/stupid–but I don’t have low self esteem.
  26. My bookshelf is filled with self-help.
  27. I’ve read Twilight.  (If you finished it, add 3 points.  If you bought tickets for the movie ahead of time, add 7 points.  If you camped out in line, add 23 points.
  28. I’ve tried to do the “Single Ladies” dance at least once.
  29. I find out a guys astrological sign within the first week.
  30. I know what zabasearch.com is.
  31. I’ve sent a guy a cute email, text or stuffed animal inside a coffee mug–even when technically, we weren’t dating.
  32. My dad was a liar, cheater, gambler, criminal and/or mean.
  33. My mom was a drinker, depressive, rager, gorgeous and/or extremely well dressed.
  34. My siblings were better looking, smarter, more athletic and/or the type of people who like to hold things over you.
  35. I have names picked out for my children. (If it’s Bella or Edward, add 12 points)
  36. I’m single and I can’t figure out why
  37. Marriage is stupid. And men suck.
  38. Unless a guy has a high powered job (Lawyer, Doctor, etc.) he’s not marriage material.

Add 1 point for each “True” answer, plus any extra points as indicated.

1-9 POINTS: YOU NEED THIS INFORMATION A LITTLE BIT

But you will feel sure that you know everything in it.  You will then pass it on to a single friend, say it was some mess, but you had to share it. You will then hope that she learns something from it.

10 – 19 POINTS: YOU NEED THIS INFORMATION

It’s not that you will never find a happy relationship if you don’t figure out what’s going on with you; it’s just that you’ll find it so much quicker if you do.  The longer you wait, the worse it gets.  You need to know what you’re dealing with so that you can deal with it.

20 – 29 POINTS: YOU ABSOLUTELY NEED THIS INFORMATION

You are exhausted.  Nobody denies you had some fun, but you are glad this year is over.  You can have a chance to start over and this time do it right.

30+ POINTS: YOU REALLY, REALLY NEED THIS INFORMATION

You already know something in your love life isn’t working.  What you didn’t know is that nothing is working in your love life.  But  don’t worry.  Working on it will feel better than continuing to live in denial.

Reply with any questions, comments or thoughts.  I would love to hear what you think!

Read next time for information from chapter 1: You’re A Witch (my clean version)