The idea that “every couple has unsolvable problems” sounds depressing. That statement probably wouldn’t make a single person eager to get hitched. Even thought this is a fact but it doesn’t spell doom for most relationships. Once you comprehend this reality it’s a bit freeing in a sense.
Here’s a paraphrase of Dan Wile from his book “After The Honeymoon”:
“There is value in choosing a long term partner and realizing you will be choosing a set of unsolvable problems you’ll have for the next ten, twenty, or even fifty years.”
Most divorces and affairs occur due to these “unsolvable problems.” Don’t kid yourself by thinking the grass will be greener with someone else. If you leave your husband or wife and pick someone else you will only be choosing another set of unsolvable problems. Perhaps the second set of unsolvable problems will be worse than your first set. Problem is that often times couples don’t have a clue what these problems are until they are married a few years. You will not find a marriage without perpetual and unsolvable problems.
For instance: Wife is a neat freak and husband leaves his underwear on the floor of the bedroom because he’s got “big” things on his mind. This drives the wife NUTS! She has repeatedly nagged him to “just put them in the laundry hamper!” Husband claims he just didn’t think of it because he has been preoccupied with getting the bills paid, which he always manages to do even with the family’s small income. But wife trades in her husband for another man that shows interest in her and who is a super neat freak. She thinks “this will solve the problem I had with husband number one, him not keeping the house clean and respecting how hard I work to keep a orderly house.” So she realizes new husband will keep the house very clean and she has less to do around the house and for a few years she is in heaven! But the honeymoons ends abruptly. After a few years wife begins noticing some patterns. Husband number two is not concerned with how they will pay the bills and in fact often spends lots of money on things they don’t really need. In a few short years this leads to their financial ruin. Wife wishes she‘d learned to cope with underwear on the home’s floor in marriage number one because now she doesn’t even own a home; the bank foreclosed on it!
The difference between a happy marriage and one in trouble is how you address and cope with perpetual and unsolvable problems. Realize that the grass is not green on the other side of the fence, it’s just a different type of grass but all lawns have weeds!