Just a reminder to celebrate exactly where you are right now at this time! You may not be where you want to be, but you are working towards it. Celebrate the wins, and forgive yourself when you fall. Never give up, keep painting!
There is a story that goes something like this….. A young man was holding on to the edge of a cliff above the ocean. Holding on desperately, he heard a voice that said “I will help you but you have to let go in order to receive my help.” The young man replied “If I let go, I will crash into the water below”. The voice said “If you let go, you may fall but I will help you get back up.”
Are you holding on to something or someone that is getting in the way of your way up? Is it the past? Guilt? A toxic relationship? An unfulfilling job? Unforgiveness? Lies? Insecurities? It has been an amazing discovery that letting go actually gives you the freedom to live more freely. It doesn’t mean you won’t fall, but it does mean you are no longer in bondage. Whatever your cliff may be, letting go does take courage, and the fall could hurt. Make sure to surround yourself with people who will help create a net of support as you are working your way back up.
This is not an uncommon question. It is often asked by those who have not experienced and do not understand the complexity of remaining in a abusive relationship. The truth of the matter is that many people who are in relationships where no abuse occurs do not immediately leave even when there is trouble in paradise, or they leave and then return, similar to men and women who are in abusive relationships. The answer as to why they remain in the abusive relationship is as complex and complicated as how they will break free from the relationship. Leaving the relationship is a process. Professionals who work with victims of abuse know that the most dangerous time is when the victim leaves because the abuser becomes more violent.
Victims of abuse may face several hurdles to leaving the relationship. This list is not exhaustive:
Economic Dependence on their abuser/Lack of Work Experience/Lack of financial resources
Fear for their safety or the safety of their children and/or other family members.
Isolation — no support system.
Beliefs about Family — the victim may believe that family should not share family secrets. Guilt about breaking up the family unit.
Beliefs about Marriage — the victim may believe that separation or divorce is not permissible.
Belief that the abuser will find and kill the victim.
Society’s response against victims — legal system, religious systems, family systems, and community.
Belief that the abuser will change.
Attachment and love for the abuser.
Fear of losing custody of their children.
Lack of Information about community resources that advocate and support.
“Suppose I decide I want to be a great singer. I rent a concert hall, and advertise in all the papers: Come and hear the concert. The time comes for the concert to begin. I go out onto the platform, and the piano gives the introduction. I open my mouth. My voice squeaks and cracks and fades away, and above the shouts of laughter and derision, I make my way offstage. I have chosen to be a great singer, but I can’t perform.” Faith That Works by Morris L. Venden
Have you ever made a good choice in your life but still struggle with your performance? You have taken the first step. You made a choice to change, but knowing how to make the changes remains a mystery. Change and pinpointing what affects your performance is a process that takes time. We can help you maneuver and make steps towards a better performance. Contact us!
It’s the start of another school year, and families everywhere are approaching an important milestone – leaving their child with another caregiver. Although, this is an exciting time, it can also be an anxiety-provoking time for you and your child. Maybe it’s the first time you are leaving them at daycare or their first day ever at school, but you and your child have to cope with separation from one another. It is important that your child learns early in the process that they are going to be okay when you leave and that when you leave you will always return. Some children are extra shy or sensitive so this may be a difficult time for them and it may take longer for them to transition. Here are some ideas to prepare for the first few days and/or weeks of their first time in school:
Help your child become familiar to their new school. Tour the school and/or daycare with your child. If you aren’t able to tour inside, at least pass by the school and show them their school. Read them books about first days of school and use the book as a springboard to talk to your child about their first day of school.
Make sure you always say goodbye, but keep the goodbyes brief. Don’t sneak out; it may be easier for you, but it may cause more distress for your child as they will be unsure when and if you will return. When you say goodbye, let them know when you will return (i.e. after P.E., after lunch, etc).
Be relaxed and act cheerful when you say goodbye. If you are also struggling with goodbyes, don’t let your child see you upset. If you show your worry, they will have more reason to fill unsafe at their new school. If you are calm, it will calm their worries.
Do you find your lips saying yes, even though your heart and thoughts are no? Maybe you are afraid to disappoint your friend if you don’t show up? Maybe you don’t want to look incompetent if you tell your boss you are not able to take on another responsibility, client, or project? Maybe you don’t want to feel judged or feel guilty if you can’t participate on a ministry at church or volunteer at your child’s school event? Whatever the reason may be, you find yourself saying YES when deep down you really want to say NO. Taking on more than you want or can handle can have serious consequences (physical and emotional stress), but it can also get in the way of your priorities. If you become overwhelmed because you have too much on your plate, you will not do anything well, even the important stuff. By beginning to say “no,” you will be setting a boundary to protect yourself from burnout, and helping to take care of yourself.
Challenge yourself for the next 30 days to say “no” more often. You can begin by practicing to say NO out loud so that when the opportunity presents itself, you will feel more natural and comfortable saying it. It’s okay to simply say “no,” but if you aren’t quite ready to only say “no”, these are some examples that you can practice.
That sounds amazing, but I really can’t.
Thank you for thinking of me, I’m flattered. I’m not able to fit that in my schedule right now.
I won’t be able to give the time needed to it.
I’m not taking on anything else at this time.
No thanks. I have another obligation.
No thanks. That’s really not my thing.
I am practicing limiting my commitments.
I’m not in a place where I can take on that type of commitment.
I know I’ve volunteered in the past, but I’ve decided not to volunteer this year.
I had so much fun last year but I’m not able to make it this year.