Financial Infidelity!!!! (copy)

money 2

I was recently having a conversation with some of my married and/or in a committed relationship girlfriends regarding financial infidelity.  We all agreed from time to time we hide certain things that we have purchased…..does not seem like a big deal….right? Well, then you have to ask yourself, if it is not a big deal why are you hiding it? For most, we just did not want to hear our spouses go on about over spending or spending unnecessarily. When put into prospective, we should not hide our financial expenditures from our spouses and vice versa; especially since finances is one of the leading causes of divorce. Is that new shirt really worth your marriage?  As a couple you have to stop thinking as an “I” and start thinking as a “We”. Usually this is easier said than done….especially if you get married later in life….old habits are hard to break.  You also need to identify your spending role….Meaning are you frugal, buying only the bare necessities or are you extravagant in your spending? Once you have discovered each others roles, as a couple you need to set goals and guidelines for spending. For example, my husband is frugal with most things but he splurges on golf equipment and our kiddos….oh yes, and meeee; me on the other hand am somewhat of the spendthrift….I know what’s needed to make our household run smoothly and I get it but I also add that new shirt or must have pair of jeans. So as a couple we had to compromise, compromise, compromise!!! Luckily, we found something that worked for us. Yes, do i go to the store and make a purchase and tell my husband later…….absolutely….if I remember! I should however, be sharing these minor expenditures with him. These small things could lead to bigger things, that could be detrimental to your finances as well as your marriage. It is much easier to sit down and work as a team to come up with a resolution and/or plan than to try to recover after the damage is done. In order for this as with many aspects of marriage to work, there has to be trust and a mutual love and respect for one another. You hurt your spouse, you hurt yourself.

Financial Infidelity!!!!

money 2

I was recently having a conversation with some of my married and/or in a committed relationship girlfriends regarding financial infidelity.  We all agreed from time to time we hide certain things that we have purchased…..does not seem like a big deal….right? Well, then you have to ask yourself, if it is not a big deal why are you hiding it? For most, we just did not want to hear our spouses go on about over spending or spending unnecessarily. When put into prospective, we should not hide our financial expenditures from our spouses and vice versa; especially since finances is one of the leading causes of divorce. Is that new shirt really worth your marriage?  As a couple you have to stop thinking as an “I” and start thinking as a “We”. Usually this is easier said than done….especially if you get married later in life….old habits are hard to break.  You also need to identify your spending role….Meaning are you frugal, buying only the bare necessities or are you extravagant in your spending? Once you have discovered each others roles, as a couple you need to set goals and guidelines for spending. For example, my husband is frugal with most things but he splurges on golf equipment and our kiddos….oh yes, and meeee; me on the other hand am somewhat of the spendthrift….I know what’s needed to make our household run smoothly and I get it but I also add that new shirt or must have pair of jeans. So as a couple we had to compromise, compromise, compromise!!! Luckily, we found something that worked for us. Yes, do i go to the store and make a purchase and tell my husband later…….absolutely….if I remember! I should however, be sharing these minor expenditures with him. These small things could lead to bigger things, that could be detrimental to your finances as well as your marriage. It is much easier to sit down and work as a team to come up with a resolution and/or plan than to try to recover after the damage is done. In order for this as with many aspects of marriage to work, there has to be trust and a mutual love and respect for one another. You hurt your spouse, you hurt yourself.

Financial Infidelity!!!

money 2

I was recently having a conversation with some of my married and/or in a committed relationship girlfriends regarding financial infidelity.  We all agreed from time to time we hide certain things that we have purchased…..does not seem like a big deal….right? Well, then you have to ask yourself, if it is not a big deal why are you hiding it? For most, we just did not want to hear our spouses go on about over spending or spending unnecessarily. When put into prospective, we should not hide our financial expenditures from our spouses and vice versa; especially since finances is one of the leading causes of divorce. Is that new shirt really worth your marriage?  As a couple you have to stop thinking as an “I” and start thinking as a “We”. Usually this is easier said than done….especially if you get married later in life….old habits are hard to break.  You also need to identify your spending role….Meaning are you frugal, buying only the bare necessities or are you extravagant in your spending? Once you have discovered each others roles, as a couple you need to set goals and guidelines for spending. For example, my husband is frugal with most things but he splurges on golf equipment and our kiddos….oh yes, and meeee; me on the other hand am somewhat of the spendthrift….I know what’s needed to make our household run smoothly and I get it but I also add that new shirt or must have pair of jeans. So as a couple we had to compromise, compromise, compromise!!! Luckily, we found something that worked for us. Yes, do i go to the store and make a purchase and tell my husband later…….absolutely….if I remember! I should however, be sharing these minor expenditures with him. These small things could lead to bigger things, that could be detrimental to your finances as well as your marriage. It is much easier to sit down and work as a team to come up with a resolution and/or plan than to try to recover after the damage is done. In order for this as with many aspects of marriage to work, there has to be trust and a mutual love and respect for one another. You hurt your spouse, you hurt yourself.

Ways to Rekindle Your Marriage!!!

Couple Intimacy

Since we are in the month of AMORE’, what better time to devise a plan to put a little spark or even all out fireworks back into your marriage and/or relationship.  Many times we get overwhelmed with the hustle and bustle of everyday life….cooking dinner, cleaning the house, taking care of the kids and lets not for get being the kids personal chauffeur and chaperon, leaves little to no time to show love and affection for your significant other. Basically, we put it on the back burner to everything else that is going on.  Making time for our better halves is very important. Making sure your bond and the lines of communication are good are key to having a happy,healthy and successful relationship.  Although you may be tired, find something you can do at least once a week with your significant other to rekindle your dwindling flame. If your flame is not dwindling…..you can still do things to ignite the spark even more.  After surfing the web I came across an article in the Huffington Post written by Doug and Leslie Gustafson, titled 5 Ways to Rekindle Your Marriage:

  1. Let down your guard and let each other in again. If you are really disconnected and passion has waned for sometime, defensiveness and anger may well have taken loving connections place. Surrender your toughness and soften up to each other.
  2. Create a “rekindle” attitude. Make reaching out and pursuing each other your priority and being playful and flirtatious as you once were your focus. So many couples have seemingly forgotten how to flirt and inject energy into the relationship — that once upon a time came so easily.
  3. Identify “passion builders” together that keep positive, exciting energy alive with your lover. Certainly a vibrant sex life helps, but so does positive communication, attention to each other’s wants and needs on a daily basis and having fun together with your clothes on. As far as the sex goes, change it up with novelty — perhaps sex with your socks and hat on, or going out on a date pretending you’ve never met — where you go all out in seducing one another.
  4. Construct a calendar that honors the need to keep love and passion alive.Don’t let kids or anything interfere with keeping your marriage the number 1 priority and growing and deepening your love life. Get your plan in writing and convert it to a weekly, calendared commitment.
  5. Think of your marriage as a “tepee” where you grow and protect love. Don’t let anything or anyone in your tee pee that could get in the way of your sacred connection to each other! Keep your love out of the “cloud.”

Cotton

Cotton

“The fabric of our lives” is the slogan for Cotton Incorporated.  A very true statement, especially for my husband and I.  We recently celebrated our 2nd wedding anniversary and there are many threads that are coming together to make us.  As I review the past two years of marriage with the person that I love, I realize that we only just begun weaving the threads together.  We are constantly working to improve our bond by coming to God as one, supporting each other in our endeavors and enjoying special, intimate moments.  Throughout the two years, we have had our share of arguments and achievements.  More days that were good, opposed to bad.  However, our fabric is in no way perfect… and I don’t believe that it is meant to be “perfect”.  Perfection is a standard that we will never reach, so I’d rather stay in the moment and count the blessings that we have made progression.  I admire those that celebrate 20+ years of marriage.  One day I hope that my husband and I reach that milestone, along with more.  After all, with each anniversary the “traditional gift” gets better and better.

Have you sat back and admired your progression with your spouse lately?  Regardless if you have made it to year 2 or year 52… be thankful that you have a partner in life that chose to share their pain, joy and love with you.  Thank your spouse today for what he or she has brought forward into the relationship that makes you strive for progression.

Redefining Gender Roles

Redefining Gender RolesWhen I tell individuals that I enjoy mowing my yard, I receive a look of confusion.  After all, I am married, so why isn’t my husband not doing the mowing?  Well, my husband does other household chores: washing the dishes, vacuuming and cooking.  As a couple we discussed what each will do to maintain our household.  One of those was for me to maintain our yard… I view this chore as my bi-weekly workout routine and stress reliever.  Ultimately, I encourage all women to mow their yard at least once to feel powerful (at least that is how I feel afterwards).

Back in the “good ole days” women maintained the interior of the home while men were the financial providers of the household.  Well, times have changed and so have some of our established gender roles…slowly.  As the current breadwinner, I can totally relate to the financial stress that my father and probably other males feel when balancing the family checkbook.  I tell the men in my battering group that I get their stress since I live it — as a female!  I don’t view my husband as less of a man with me being the breadwinner, because I know he assists me in other aspects.  I brag a little too much about my husband’s amazing cooking!

If women want to be considered more equal, than my suggestion is for them to attempt some of the so-called “male roles”.  Get your hands dirty working on your car, mow the yard, take the trash out, etc.  Men, place yourself in your wife’s shoes for a bit — tend to ya’lls children, sweep and mop the kitchen, attend PTA meetings.  Learn what it takes to assist your partner, to grow more appreciation for them.  Redefine and shake up gender roles — you are meant to be equally yoked.