Love ME for ME

Love ME for ME

Do you love your child just the way they are? Are you a parent that builds their child up or is breaking their child down? Building your child up can be difficult if your parents did not model that for you. A lot of the times we will do what we saw our parents do. If you are finding yourself breaking your child’s spirit I want to urge you to give us a call. Every parent wants the best for their children, but if we don’t have the skills and the knowledge to provide positive parenting we can end up hurting our child in the end.

Here is an example that you can think about: you son spills his dinner drink almost every night. How do your respond? Do you yell, “You can’t get anything right! You are always making a mess! What is wrong with you?! Or do you say, “Everyone makes mistakes. Grab a rag and clean up”. Do you see the difference? One will tear a child down and make them feel like an invisible person while the other builds them up and lets them know that you love them just the way they are. If you feel that you fall in the first category please give me a call. I know it can be embarrassing, but we are not here to judge your situation but to help you! We offer a free 30 minute face to face consultation to see if we would be a good fit.

Chores

Chores

It is important to start having kids help out with chores. Here is a guideline to use for different age groups:

 

Ages 2 and 3 

Personal chores

Assist in making their beds

Pick up playthings with your supervision

Family chores

Take their dirty laundry to the laundry basket

Fill a pet’s water and food bowls (with supervision)

Help a parent clean up spills and dirt

Dust

 

Ages 4 and 5

Personal chores

Get dressed with minimal parental help

Make their bed with minimal parental help

Bring their things from the car to the house

Family chores

Set the table with supervision

Clear the table with supervision

Help a parent prepare food

Help a parent carry in the lighter groceries

Match socks in the laundry

Answer the phone with parental assistance

Be responsible for a pet’s food and water bowl

Hang up towels in the bathroom

Clean floors with a dry mop

 

Ages 6 and 7

Personal chores

Make their bed every day

Brush teeth

Comb hair

Choose the day’s outfit and get dressed

Write thank you notes with supervision

Family chores

Be responsible for a pet’s food, water and exercise

Vacuum individual rooms

Wet mop individual rooms

Fold laundry with supervision

Put their laundry in their drawers and closets

Put away dishes from the dishwasher

Help prepare food with supervision

Empty indoor trash cans

Answer the phone with supervision

 

Ages 8 to 11

Personal chores

Take care of personal hygiene

Keep bedroom clean

Be responsible for homework

Be responsible for belongings

Write thank you notes for gifts

Wake up using an alarm clock

Family chores

Wash dishes

Wash the family car with supervision

Prepare a few easy meals on their own

Clean the bathroom with supervision

Rake leaves

Learn to use the washer and dryer

Put all laundry away with supervision

Take the trash can to the curb for pick up

Test smoke alarms once a month with supervision

Screen phone calls using caller ID and answer when appropriate

 

Ages 12 and 13

Personal chores

Take care of personal hygiene, belongings and homework

Write invitations and thank you notes

Set their alarm clock

Maintain personal items, such as recharging batteries

Change bed sheets

Keep their rooms tidy and do a biannual deep cleaning

Family chores

Change light bulbs

Change the vacuum bag

Dust, vacuum, clean bathrooms and do dishes

Clean mirrors

Mow the lawn with supervision

Baby sit (in most states)

Prepare an occasional family meal

 

Ages 14 and 15

Personal chores

Responsible for all personal chores for ages 12 and 13

Responsible for library card and books

Family chores

Do assigned housework without prompting

Do yard work as needed

Baby sit

Prepare food — from making a grocery list and buying the items (with supervision) to serving a meal — occasionally

Wash windows with supervision

 

Ages 16 to 18

Personal chores

Responsible for all personal chores for ages 14 and 15

Responsible to earn spending money

Responsible for purchasing their own clothes

Responsible for maintaining any car they drive (e.g., gas, oil changes, tire pressure, etc.)

Retrieved from Focus on the Family

Truth about divorce

Truth about divorce

Many years ago, the myth began to circulate that if parents are unhappy, the kids are unhappy, too. So divorce could help both parent and child. “What’s good for mom or dad is good for the children,” it was assumed. But we now have an enormous amount of research on divorce and children, all pointing to the same stubborn truth: Kids suffer when moms and dads split up. (And divorce doesn’t make mom and dad happier, either.)

The emotional scars have visible consequences. More than 30 years of research continues to reveal the negative effects of divorce on children. Most of these measurable effects are calculated in increased risks. In other words, while divorce does not mean these effects will definitely occur in your child, it does greatly increase the risks. The odds are simply against your kids if you divorce.

Research comparing children of divorced parents to children with married parents shows:

Children from divorced homes suffer academically. They experience high levels of behavioral problems. Their grades suffer, and they are less likely to graduate from high school.

Kids whose parents divorce are substantially more likely to be incarcerated for committing a crime as a juvenile.

Because the custodial parent’s income drops substantially after a divorce, children in divorced homes are almost five times more likely to live in poverty than are children with married parents.

Teens from divorced homes are much more likely to engage in drug and alcohol use, as well as sexual intercourse than are those from intact families.

Before you say, “Not my kid,” remember that the children and teens represented in these statistics are normal kids, probably not much different from yours. Their parents didn’t think they would get involved in these things, either. Again, we’re looking at increased risks.

A few more statistics to consider:

Children from divorced homes experience illness more frequently and recover from sickness more slowly. They are also more likely to suffer child abuse.

Children of divorced parents suffer more frequently from symptoms of psychological distress. And the emotional scars of divorce last into adulthood.

The scope of this last finding – children suffer emotionally from their parents’ divorce – has been largely underestimated. Obviously, not every child of divorce commits crime or drops out of school. Some do well in school and even become high achievers. However, we now know that even these children experience deep and lasting emotional trauma.

For all children, their parents’ divorce colors their view of the world and relationships for the rest of their lives.

What parents see as a quick way out often results in emotional damage that the children will carry for 30 years or more. Divorce is no small thing to children. It is the violent ripping apart of their parents, a loss of stability and often a complete shock. While we often think of children as resilient, going through such trauma is a lot to ask of our kids.

In light of the fact that most marriages heading for divorce can be salvaged and turned into great marriages, parents should take a long pause before choosing divorce. While it may seem like a solution to you, it’s not an easy out for you or your kids. We are here to help. Give us a call and schedule an appointment.

Information retrieved from Focus on the Family.

Dealing with Separation Anxiety and Other Emotional Struggles in Children

separation anxietyI recently discussed with my sister some ways to handle her six year old who struggles with separation anxiety. After talking for a while these are some ideas we came up with. I think they could be useful or other emotional issues as well.

1. Validate the child’s feelings while also reassuring him that, in his case, Daddy will be home later.

2. After he has calmed down, transition to a positive coping strategy such as reading a book or playing a game.

3. Model appropriate emotional expression and using positive coping techniques. “I really wish Daddy didn’t have to go away for so long. I’m really sad. I feel so much better after I go running.”

4. Because kids have a hard time understanding the passage of time, use the clock during the day or a countdown calendar for long-term absences. “It’s 3:00. Daddy gets home at 6:00. That means he’ll be home in 3 hours.”

5. She also bought a toy that records voices so that he could hear Daddy’s voice whenever he wants.