Dreams Left Behind

Forgive Yourself

Part 3 in the series on understanding procrastination.  Part of the process of ending procrastination is gaining understanding in the reasons why we put things off.  Fear of failure and fear of rejection (closed doors) can be powerful players in the realm of putting things off.  Knowing and accepting that failure and imperfection is part of life and part of the process of reaching our goals is key to persevering.

Happiness

secretofhappinessWhile people have many and varied goals that they pursue, there is an almost universal underlying goal to virtually all pursuits: the goal to be happy. People who spend a lot of time making money generally do so because they believe that the money itself will make them happy, or will guard them against things that will make them unhappy.We judge everything in our life in terms of how it relates to our happiness. We hear people say countless times: ‘do what makes you happy’, ‘we wish you a happy life’, ‘your happiness is most important’. The key to finding true happiness starts with finding out what makes you feel the happiest. The basis of all happiness starts with your feelings. There are all kinds of reasons to be happy. It feels good and makes for a more enjoyable journey through life. If you have been searching outside yourself for happiness, you’ve been going about this is all wrong.  Happiness is a choice we make, independent of the circumstances of our lives. My thought on happiness is that it is a choice I make daily, no matter my circumstances. Life does not come with a guarantee that everything will be perfect and go your way. In my opinion it is the trials and tribulations that you go through that transform you into greatness and a happy person. What are your thoughts on happiness?

Honesty is the Best Policy

honesty and lies

There is an old saying that we should always tell the truth because that way we do not have to remember what we said. It has been said that honesty is the best policy. This is especially true within the bonds of a relationship. People deserve to know where they stand with one another and on a deeper level being truthful is a form of respect for each person, letting them experience real emotions and feelings towards their partner and the difficult trials and tribulations faced throughout life.Honesty is a virtue. For some people, being honest is not that easy and such people might find themselves lying almost every day. Honesty is the best policy because no matter how good you are at telling lies, the truth will always come out. Honesty and truth can, on occasion, be hard. Sometimes we do not tell the truth because we don’t want to hurt the other person’s feelings. Sometimes we just don’t see the value in being honest: it’s not worth the effort – the person you’re talking to doesn’t want to hear the truth. Other times we do not feel it is safe to tell the truth – do not hurt the messenger and as is often the case, we don’t know how to discuss the “un-discussable.” While these lies may seem harmless and even deter a confrontation at the time, they are a slippery slope. Once a lie is told, the upkeep can be more work than the worth of the lie itself and if the partner finds out they will be more upset about being told the lie, than the understanding of the justification made at the time.

Marrying the Family

Marrying the FamilyThey say that when you marry someone you marry their entire family. There is a lot of truth in that. In reality, you do not just have to deal with parent-in-laws; there are sibling-in-laws, their respective spouses and children, grandparents, step parents and ex-spouses too. When you marry someone you inherit that person’s good and bad. I believe this to be true, but at the same time respect should be on both sides. There is no way around this concept, even if you are separated from your family, they are and will always be your family and your spouse’s family.

Domestic violence

Domestic violence Domestic violence can be identified a pattern of behavior in any relationship that is utilized to maintain or obtain authority and power over an individual. Domestic abuse can be sexual, physical, psychological, emotional, financial, threats or actions of actions that influence another individual. Like any other situation in life, domestic abuse has stages. The stages tell how and why victims continue to be with their abuser and live in the same house with them. Victims might experience physical harm such as broken bones or bruises. They might experience hopelessness, nervousness or social seclusion.

The Tension-Building Stage

This is the initial stage; the abuser gets mad with ease. Frequently abusers vocally hassle their significant other throughout this stage. It may look as if the abuser is starting a fight with their partner. Arguments may become uncontrollable. The abuser might segregate their partner from family and friends. The victim starts to feel that something will occur but does not know when it will happen or what will set the abuser off. The abuser accuses the victim for the abuse and their troubles. To stay out of harm’s way the victim might pullback in order not to make the abuser mad all over again. The abuser may gradually become more envious & vocally abusive.

Long-Distance Relationships

Long-distance relationshipsLong-distance relationships require effort, dedication and endurance – nothing for the faint-hearted. Now I’m not saying it´s impossible, if you’re actually both strong enough and have the same will of fighting for it, it can work. A long-distance relationship is in general a relationship that takes place when the partners are separated by a considerable distance. No one is geographically undesirable anymore but many are geographically challenged with the goal of maintaining love at a distance. People tend to think long-distance relationships are one of the hardest possible ways of loving someone. Not seeing your significant other for long periods of time takes a huge toll on your emotions and feelings. I truly believe that if you can make it through long distance, you can make it through anything. The hard part is actually making it through. A long distance relationship is not always rainbows and butterflies. By putting time and effort into your long distance relationship you can form and sustain a healthy long distance relationship that can bring you a lot of joy and happiness. Relationships are much like plants, they need constant nourishing. When you are together, this type of nourishment comes easily through the activities and time spent with each other. However, when you are away from each other this becomes more difficult to accomplish.

Some things that can help increase your success in a long-term relationship:

Keep the visits and calls coming.
It’s important to keep the lines of communication open, so make sure both of you are still psyched about making time for phone calls and weekends together.

Stay honest with your partner.

Staying honest with your partner will help keep small problems from becoming larger ones. Openness can add new levels of depth to your relationship without causing it to crumble. The quality of the relationship is more likely to increase if both people develop the ability to share feelings openly with each other.

Talk about the future.
Try to find a point in the future when you will live in the same city. Even if it’s a year or so off, establishing a point in time when you can see yourself in the same city will take a lot of pressure off the relationship and help the future not look so bleak.

Don’t leave angry.
If you get in a fight during the time you are together, try to work through the issues before you separate again. It’s best not to let any heated issues linger since it may be a while before you are together again.

Little things mean a lot.
Plan romantic weekends away, write love letters, send naughty e-mails, surprise your partner with a candlelit picnic at the beach, or arrive at her/his place with a dozen handpicked flowers. Although it may feel like you’re already going out of your way just to be in the relationship, make the extra effort to show your girlfriend/boyfriend that you do not take him/her for granted.

I believe that there are a few more other things that you could do to improve your long-distance relationship. During a conversation with your partner discuss together what you both can do to improve the long-distance relationship.