“The fabric of our lives” is the slogan for Cotton Incorporated. A very true statement, especially for my husband and I. We recently celebrated our 2nd wedding anniversary and there are many threads that are coming together to make us. As I review the past two years of marriage with the person that I love, I realize that we only just begun weaving the threads together. We are constantly working to improve our bond by coming to God as one, supporting each other in our endeavors and enjoying special, intimate moments. Throughout the two years, we have had our share of arguments and achievements. More days that were good, opposed to bad. However, our fabric is in no way perfect… and I don’t believe that it is meant to be “perfect”. Perfection is a standard that we will never reach, so I’d rather stay in the moment and count the blessings that we have made progression. I admire those that celebrate 20+ years of marriage. One day I hope that my husband and I reach that milestone, along with more. After all, with each anniversary the “traditional gift” gets better and better.
Have you sat back and admired your progression with your spouse lately? Regardless if you have made it to year 2 or year 52… be thankful that you have a partner in life that chose to share their pain, joy and love with you. Thank your spouse today for what he or she has brought forward into the relationship that makes you strive for progression.
When I tell individuals that I enjoy mowing my yard, I receive a look of confusion. After all, I am married, so why isn’t my husband not doing the mowing? Well, my husband does other household chores: washing the dishes, vacuuming and cooking. As a couple we discussed what each will do to maintain our household. One of those was for me to maintain our yard… I view this chore as my bi-weekly workout routine and stress reliever. Ultimately, I encourage all women to mow their yard at least once to feel powerful (at least that is how I feel afterwards).
Back in the “good ole days” women maintained the interior of the home while men were the financial providers of the household. Well, times have changed and so have some of our established gender roles…slowly. As the current breadwinner, I can totally relate to the financial stress that my father and probably other males feel when balancing the family checkbook. I tell the men in my battering group that I get their stress since I live it — as a female! I don’t view my husband as less of a man with me being the breadwinner, because I know he assists me in other aspects. I brag a little too much about my husband’s amazing cooking!
If women want to be considered more equal, than my suggestion is for them to attempt some of the so-called “male roles”. Get your hands dirty working on your car, mow the yard, take the trash out, etc. Men, place yourself in your wife’s shoes for a bit — tend to ya’lls children, sweep and mop the kitchen, attend PTA meetings. Learn what it takes to assist your partner, to grow more appreciation for them. Redefine and shake up gender roles — you are meant to be equally yoked.
Conflicts are a healthy part of marriage if handled correctly. We should not bottle up our anger, but openly discuss the problems in our marriages. In marriage we have to give each other the right to complain. Do not go to bed in anger because this is when the enemy will come in and bring destruction in your marriage. Please watch the following 5 minute video about daily anger by Pastor Jimmy Evans from Marriage Today.
It is so easy to point out the faults of our spouse. We can easily come up with a list of things that bother us about them: He does not help with chores, is inconsiderate, doesn’t listen, leaves dirty dishes everywhere, watches too much tv, and the list goes on. Same for vice versa: she doesn’t cook or clean, she always has an excuse why she doesn’t want to have sex, she let herself go, she doesn’t respect me, and so on. Can you relate to any of these complaints?
I want to challenge you to instead of focusing on your spouse’s shortcomings, ask yourself: “Am I who they need me to be?” Start by being the right spouse and see what happens. When we are so busy pointing the finger at our spouse we cannot step back and see our own shortcomings. If you were married to you what would that look like? What would your complain list look like? Try changing you first, and I think you will be surprised at the change you will see in your spouse as a result of you shifting the focus off of them and onto you.
Losing the love of your life is a gut wrenching event that is hard to process. The only way some people can cope with the loss is by blocking the pain out. So many times when something so traumatic happens to us, our subconscious finds a way to block it so we can continue to function in our day to day lives. Do you think you are really functioning or are you just going through the motions? How can you learn to open your heart for love if you have not dealt with the heartache you had endure?
Do you think GOD wants you to be alone for the rest of your life? I believe that GOD will give you someone else for you to give and receive love. Although it is hard to understand why GOD takes our love ones away, but he still wants us to love again. There will never be anyone to replace the love you lost, but GOD gives us the ability to allow our heart to heal and make room for someone else. Some people may feel that if they love again they are replacing their love one. I believe that GOD allows our hearts to grow where we can keep a part of our heart for the love one we lost, but allow a different part to grow and love someone else. You don’t have to stop loving someone to more forward in your life to love again. If you trust GOD with all of your heart, he will show you how to love again.
If you are feeling lost and afraid to love again, please give me a call so I can assist you in moving forward in your life.
Do you find it hard to keep an account of your money? I remember getting paid on the 1st of the month just to become broke by the 2nd after paying all of my monthly bills. How can you manage your money and get out of debt? Money is one of the leading causes for divorces or breakups. One way to get out of debt is to STOP SPENDING!! I know it is easier said then done. The first thing you should do is to write down all of your monthly bills and expanses. Once you have done this, you will know exactly how much you have left to spend. I know most of us live check to check so there is not much left to do anything. It is important to live within your budget. If you don’t have it to spend, don’t spend it. This too means to stop using your credit cards. The interest rate you are charge monthly doesn’t put a dent in your over all bill. The best way to get rid of your credit card debt is to pay the card with the largest amount off first and only use it for emergencies. An emergency is not going to the mall or to a restaurant. Also, try cutting back on your bills. Try eliminating the high cable bill and keep the basic channels. Rent movies when they come out instead of going to the movies. You can also cut back on eating out from every week to twice a month. All the little things can help with the big picture, which is to save and preserve your money. If you are still unable to budget your money, try to sit down with a financial planner or see if your church or school have a program that can help you with a financial plan.