Part 3 in the series on understanding procrastination. Part of the process of ending procrastination is gaining understanding in the reasons why we put things off. Fear of failure and fear of rejection (closed doors) can be powerful players in the realm of putting things off. Knowing and accepting that failure and imperfection is part of life and part of the process of reaching our goals is key to persevering.
Some say Christian dating is difficult and yes it can be but God never said it would be easy but he said it would be worth it if we have faith and wait on the Lord. You see the bible says in Isaiah 40:31 “But they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.” So this scripture tells me as a Christian that if I wait on The Lord and let him guide me I will have strength to endure through any difficulty in my life. Sometimes we as Christian trust God with our families, finances and career but when it comes to our personal relationships the word of a God fails on deaf ears. We forget that God is able to handle all aspects of our lives, so we have surrender to Christ even in our dating lives. I’ve been to a few singles conferences and their was one singles group that I joined some years back through Oak Cliff Bible Fellowship Church under the leadership of Pastor Tony Evans. This is where I learned biblical principles for a dating relationship. This article that I’m referencing is from a Christian website called Christian Answers (christian answers.com). These biblical principles coincide with what I’ve learned and strive to abide by.
God wants the best for us in every area of our lives. This includes relationships with boyfriends or girlfriends. We should date for fun, friendship, personality development and selection of a mate, not to be popular or for security. Don’t allow peer pressure to force you into dating situations that are not appropriate. Realize that over 50% of girls and over 40% of guys never date in high school. The Bible gives us some very clear principles to guide us in making decisions about dating.
Guard your heart.
The Bible tells us to be very careful about giving our affections, because our heart influences everything else in our life.
Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life (Proverbs 4:23).
You are known by the company you keep.
We also tend to become like the company we keep. This principle is closely related to the first one and is just as important in friendships as in dating.
Do not be misled: Bad company corrupts good character (1 Corinthians 15:33).
Christians should only date other Christians.
Although it is fine for Christians to have non-Christian friends, those who are especially close to our heart should be mature believers who are seeking to follow Christ with their lives.
Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? (2 Corinthians 6:14).
Is it really love?
1 Corinthians 13:4-7 defines real love. Ask yourself these questions:
Are you patient with each other?
Are you kind to each other?
Are you never envious of each other?
Do you never boast to or about each other?
Is your relationship characterized by humility?
Are you never rude to each other?
Are you not self-seeking?
Are you not easily angered with each other?
Do you keep no record of wrongs?
Are you truthful with each other?
Do you protect each other?
Do you trust each other?
Many students ask the question, “How far should I go on a date?” Here are some principles that will help you decide what is appropriate behavior on a date.
– Does the situation I put myself in invite sexual immorality or help me avoid it?
1 Corinthians 6:18 says to “flee from sexual immorality.” We cannot do this if we are tempting ourselves through carelessness.
– What kind of reputation does my potential date have?
When you accept a date you are essentially saying, “My values are the same as your values.” That in itself can put you in a position you may regret later. Remember 1 Corinthians 15:33, “Bad company corrupts good character.”
– Will there be any pressure to use alcohol or drugs?
Don’t give up your values for a date.
– Am I attracting the wrong type of person?
Make sure that the message you send with your actions doesn’t attract people who will lead you to compromise your values.
– Am I aware that sin is first committed in the heart?
Matthew 5:28 says, “But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”
– Are you going to the right kind of place for a date?
Many good intentions have been forgotten because the temptation and opportunity were too great.
– Am I doing anything to encourage sexual desire?
Don’t engage in any impure contact that is sexually motivated, such as petting.
While people have many and varied goals that they pursue, there is an almost universal underlying goal to virtually all pursuits: the goal to be happy. People who spend a lot of time making money generally do so because they believe that the money itself will make them happy, or will guard them against things that will make them unhappy.We judge everything in our life in terms of how it relates to our happiness. We hear people say countless times: ‘do what makes you happy’, ‘we wish you a happy life’, ‘your happiness is most important’. The key to finding true happiness starts with finding out what makes you feel the happiest. The basis of all happiness starts with your feelings. There are all kinds of reasons to be happy. It feels good and makes for a more enjoyable journey through life. If you have been searching outside yourself for happiness, you’ve been going about this is all wrong. Happiness is a choice we make, independent of the circumstances of our lives. My thought on happiness is that it is a choice I make daily, no matter my circumstances. Life does not come with a guarantee that everything will be perfect and go your way. In my opinion it is the trials and tribulations that you go through that transform you into greatness and a happy person. What are your thoughts on happiness?
There is an old saying that we should always tell the truth because that way we do not have to remember what we said. It has been said that honesty is the best policy. This is especially true within the bonds of a relationship. People deserve to know where they stand with one another and on a deeper level being truthful is a form of respect for each person, letting them experience real emotions and feelings towards their partner and the difficult trials and tribulations faced throughout life.Honesty is a virtue. For some people, being honest is not that easy and such people might find themselves lying almost every day. Honesty is the best policy because no matter how good you are at telling lies, the truth will always come out. Honesty and truth can, on occasion, be hard. Sometimes we do not tell the truth because we don’t want to hurt the other person’s feelings. Sometimes we just don’t see the value in being honest: it’s not worth the effort – the person you’re talking to doesn’t want to hear the truth. Other times we do not feel it is safe to tell the truth – do not hurt the messenger and as is often the case, we don’t know how to discuss the “un-discussable.” While these lies may seem harmless and even deter a confrontation at the time, they are a slippery slope. Once a lie is told, the upkeep can be more work than the worth of the lie itself and if the partner finds out they will be more upset about being told the lie, than the understanding of the justification made at the time.
I recently had a conversation with a friend about her boyfriend and his sister- this is how it went from her to me:
I have been dating my boyfriend for two plus years now, I am in love with him and I cannot see myself dating or with any one else. I feel, as does he, we have a connection, when I am thinking about him, within seconds he is calling and it is the same with him, when he is thinking of me I either call or text. (Here is where I stopped and asked her if she knows if he loves her, she says yes). From the beginning of the relationship neither one of them were looking to get into a relationship or be serious with anyone, but according to her things grew and with ease they decided to be in a committed relationship. From her account about three months had went by before the commitment. During that period his sister made contact with her and introduce herself and said if you like him then go for it. Several months after that she said the sister notice things were getting serious and from that point on she started hating her and doing mean and childish things to her. Things like hiding her phone, shoes and anything that is hers. She will put her things in the garage, throw her food away, call her names, ask her brother when is this girl leaving, (both brother and sister live together). make threats, hit her, etc. During the course of all of this happening the brother did not see or did not want to admit to what was happening until his sister hit her. She says even after that his sister shouts out how much she hates her to him and to everyone. She said it got to the point that his sister’s friends are disowning her for what she is doing and how she is treating her. Now a few months ago her and her boyfriend went looking at rings, I said to her are you happy. She says with him yes, but his family she said she was not happy with.
This is why my last few post have been about marriage, should she or should she not?
It is not hard to find someone who tells you they love you; it’s hard to find someone who actually means it. But you will find them eventually, so don’t rush love, and don’t settle. Find someone who isn’t afraid to admit they miss you. Someone who knows you’re not perfect, but appreciates you as you are; one who gives their heart completely. Someone who says, “I love you” and then proves it day in and day out. Find someone who wouldn’t mind waking up with you in the morning, seeing your wrinkles and grey hair, and then falls in love with you all over again. Remember, to the people who truly love you, you are magnificent already. This is not because they are blind to your shortcomings, but because they so vividly see the beauty of your soul. Your shortcomings then dim by comparison. The people who care about you are willing to let you be imperfect and magnificent, at the same time.
Do not put the only keys to your growth and happiness in someone else’s pocket. Relationships are not about authority and obedience; they’re agreements of love and respect. You simply can’t live your entire life through someone else’s fantasies. There must be compromise and the space to do what’s right for you, even if someone you care about disagrees. Give, but don’t allow yourself to be used. Listen to loved ones, but don’t lose track of your inner voice in the process. Never apologize for what you feel and what you don’t feel; that’s a betrayal of your truth. No matter how much advice people give you, sometimes you have to feel things out for yourself, make decisions on your own, experience things firsthand, and build your own conclusions from the ground up the old fashion way. Never let anyone or anything get in the way of your joy. Live a life that sizzles and pops and makes you laugh out loud every day, because you don’t want to get to the end, or to tomorrow, even, and realize that your life is a collection of meetings and “someday’s” and errands and receipts and empty promises. So go ahead and sing out loud in the car with the windows down, and dance in your living room, and stay up all night laughing, and paint your walls any color you want, and enjoy some port wine and chocolate cake. Yes, and go ahead and sleep in on clean white sheets, and throw parties, and paint, and write poetry, and read books so good they make you lose track of time and just keep living and laughing and making God glad that he gave life to someone who loves and cherishes the gift.