Dealing with Difficult People

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No matter what we do in life, there will always be one thing that we will have to deal with.  We will have to always deal with “people.”  I am not referring to ordinary, pleasant, inviting people.  I am referring to “difficult people.”  Some people are just so difficult!  It seems like no matter how hard you try, you can never satisfy them or their needs.  So what do we do when we are confronted with these type people? Psychology Today list several ways to deal with these individuals.  You may want to take note of these tips.  Who knows when you will run across a “difficult” person.  Then again, you may be living with one…

Tips

1.  Keep your cool

Benefits: Maintain self control. Avoid escalation of problem.

2.  “Fly like an Eagle”

Benefits: More peace of mind. Reduce risk of friction

3. Shift from Being Reactive to Proactive

Benefits: Minimize misinterpretation & misunderstanding. Concentrate energy on problem-solving.

4. Pick Your Battles

Benefits: Save time, energy and grief. Avoid unnecessary problems and complications.

5. Separate the Person from the Issue

Benefits: Establish yourself as a strong problem solver with excellent people skills. Win more rapport, cooperation and respect.

6.  Put the Spotlight on Them

Benefits: Proactive. Equalize power in communication. Apply appropriate pressure to reduce difficult behavior.

7.  Use Appropriate Humor

Benefits: Disarm unreasonable and difficult behavior when correctly used. Show your detachment. Avoid being reactive. Problem rolls off your back.

8.  Change from Following to Leading

Benefit: Leverage direction and flow of communication.

9.  Safely, Confront Bullies

Benefits: Reduce or eliminate harmful behavior. Increase confidence and peace of mind.

10.  Set Consequence

Benefits: Proactive not reactive. Shift balance of power. Win respect and cooperation when appropriately applied.

 

 

 

 

 

Raising a Financially Responsible Teen Part II!!!

 

Last week I discussed finding a happy median regarding spending and saving for teens. I believe our son is on the right track for becoming financially responsible. Although, I have noticed he is a lot freer with spending my money than his own…go figure!!! While surfing the web I came across this article written by Crystal Paine published in Mom Advice Insight to Empower that details steps for raising a financially responsible teen. It is as follows:

Raising Financially Responsible Teens

In today’s money-driven society, teens are constantly bombarded by magazines, television ads, and peer pressure which make them feel less than ideal if they do not wear the latest clothing style and drive a “cool” car. Briefly visit your local mall and you will observe multitudes of young people who shop as if credit cards have no maximum spending limit. With all this push for extravagance, is it even possible to raise your teens with money sense and save them from making serious financial mistakes?

Although I have yet to have teenagers of my own, I was blessed to be raised by parents who taught me from a young age to be a wise steward of money. Let me share some things my parents did to instill in me that money is a limited resource and must be spent with care.

1. Start Early

Just because your child is too young to have a real job, does not mean it is too early to start teaching basic financial principles. From the time we were little, we always received an “allowance” from our parents. We only received this money if we had done all of our daily/weekly chores. This taught us that money is not free; it is earned.

2. Set An Example

You cannot expect your teens to wisely spend money if you do not set a good example for them. Do your children see you buying things on credit because you want them now and do not have the patience to wait until you are able to save up enough money? My dad was an excellent example in this area. Before making any large purchase (such as a car), he first decided what he could afford. Then, he began shopping around. Sometimes it would take him close to a year to find what he was looking for, for the price he wanted to pay. His patience always paid off and it left an indelible impression upon me.

3. Don’t Buy Everything For Them

It is easy for many parents to want to “help teens out” by buying most everything for them. But, is this truly “helping”? When your teenager enters the real world on their own, they are going to have some hard lessons to learn if you always bought everything they needed and wanted for them. As soon as we were able to begin earning money, my dad had us start paying for some of our own things such as clothes, gifts for other people, things we wanted, and so on. Because my parents did not buy everything for us, it taught me the value of hard work, to think before I spend, and to look for the best buy.

4. Teach Your Teens the Value of Hard Work

In a day when laziness is rampant, teach your teens instead the importance of being a hard worker. What you work for, you usually appreciate more. If your teenager has worked hard to buy themselves a car, it can be almost guaranteed that they will appreciate it more and take better care of it.

5. Train Your Teens to Think Before They Spend

This might seem like a no-brainer, but learning to think before I spend has literally saved me hundreds of dollars over the years. Teach your teens to ask themselves at least three questions before making any purchase:

•  Do I have the money on hand to pay for this?

•  Do I need this?

•  Can I buy this somewhere else for less?

Oftentimes, in asking these questions, I will talk myself out of making the purchase! I will realize I don’t really have the money to pay for it or I don’t need the item. Other times, I will think of a way I can purchase this item for less.

6. Encourage Your Teens to Get the Best Buy

In addition to asking these questions, also train your teens to look for the best deal. It is amazing what variation in prices you will find out there. For instance, the water pump burst on one of our vehicles recently. When we took it into auto shop for repair, they said that we would have to take it to a more specialized shop, since the engine would need to be taken out in order to replace the water pump. The first price we were quoted was $775. Knowing that was out of our current budget, my husband began calling around to different body shops. One place quoted him around $500 another quoted him a little over $300. By calling around to find the best deal, we are going to be saving hundreds of dollars on this repair job.
Read more at http://www.momadvice.com/Parenting/financially_responsible_teens#CDrKwXASTvHqo4O8.99
So what do you think?

The Wisdom We Seek

Wisdom We SeekThe older I have become the more I have realized that aging is not really a bad thing.  More importantly, I have realized more and more that many people we would classify as “old people” have a lot more wisdom than we would sometimes like to give them credit for.  Sadly, this realization seems to never come when we are young enough to benefit from it.  Perhaps it has only been a reality in my life, but I can look back on several moment in my life and think to myself, “Hmmm… if I would have only heeded [insert “old person’s” name]’s advice then I would not be in this awful situation.”  Sadly, it seems like we need life to kick the crap out of us in order to get a clue.

Remember being young and thinking about how much a plague it is to get old.  I mean, old people were so lame, and out of touch with reality, and for heaven’s sake they had no idea what it was like to be a modern day young person in this generation!  Therefore, anything they had to say to us was stupid, and at the very least warranted a massive eye roll.

Many of us might read this and think this obviously applies to our kids.  After all, if you have kids then you have countless stories of all the times they have disregarded your advice because they thought they knew better.  However, there are still plenty of times that we are still guilty of this.  The older I get, and the more continuing education I acquire the more I have learned one thing in particular… you could fill numerous Grand Canyons with amount of information I do not know.  I would like to consider myself a smart person, however, there is still a lot that I do not know, and many things I have little to no experience with.  Because of that I have grown to learn that when I inquire about things from people who have “been there and done that” it usually ends up working out better than when I try to figure things out for myself.

For example, I love my wife and I desire to be married to her for the rest of my life.  I know that marriage takes a great deal of work to ensure that it flourishes.  While I have read numerous books on marriage, I still went to quite a few older couples that have been together for many decades asked them, “How you guys make it work?”  I knew that hypothetical knowledge could not replace experiential understanding that I did not have.  This is also true for pretty much everything else.  Of course age does not guarantee wisdom, but there are still several people older than us that know more than we do about things we are super ignorant about.  Tap into that resource while it is still available to you.

Why Does Love Die?

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Susan Johnson, psychologist and researcher on love relationships and the author of “Hold Me Tight” and “Love Sense”, has the answers to why love dies.

1. Deprivation: Partners stop responding and attending to one another’s needs. Fighting increases and expressions of love decrease. Over time, partners feel totally isolated from one another.

2. Criticism: There is no such thing as constructive criticism, especially from your spouse, who should be your greatest support. When you hear criticism from your attachment figure (spouse or mother), your brain panics. It’s not the same as hearing criticism from your boss or a stranger. You need your partner to have your back.

3. Stonewalling: When one partner blocks out the other one and becomes emotionally inaccessible, the rejected partner panics. Even a threat, a criticism, or an insult feels better than to be completely shut out. That is why the person who is shut out will say or do ANYTHING just to get some kind of response.

4. Escalating Negative Appraisal, or “I interpret everything you do as bad”: Johnson says, “as the cycle of hostile criticism and stonewalling occurs more frequently, it becomes ingrained and defines the relationship….as a couple’s behavior narrows, so do the partners’ views of each other….she’s a carping bitch, he’s a withholding boor….every response is seen in the worst possible light.”

5. The Sudden Snap: Whereas the items listed above happen over time, in The Sudden Snap there is one cataclysmic event that kills the safety of the relationship. It may be an affair, or it may be another betrayal of trust.

Is Losing Weight Good for Your Mental Health?


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Is Losing Weight Good for Your Mental Health? Well, the answer is IT DEPENDS. Exercising is good for your mental health. Setting and attaining goals is good for your mental health. Eating healthfully (a balanced diet with lots of fresh fruit and vegetables–NOT the latest fad diet or crash dieting) is good for your mental health. But many things we associate with weight loss are definitely NOT good for your mental health. Judging your self worth by a number on the scale and internalizing society’s image of what you should look like are the opposite of good mental health. In addition, many times what makes us overweight are themselves symptoms of depression, anxiety, or other mental health problems. For a person who “eats their feelings,” this very eating behavior is a symptom of a problem. Diet and exercise alone probably won’t be enough to fix the underlying depression or anxiety; in fact, diet and exercise will most likely not even be successful until the underlying issues are addressed. Binge eating, binging and purging (bulimia), self-starvation (anorexia), and body dysmorphic disorder (thinking you’re fatter than you are) are all mental disorders in and of themselves. Eating disorders should be treated by a mental health professional in conjuction with a medical doctor and a nutritionist. If you struggle with poor body image, self esteem related to weight, or an eating disorder, seeing a therapist can help you get out of the cycle.

Honesty is the Best Policy

honesty and lies

There is an old saying that we should always tell the truth because that way we do not have to remember what we said. It has been said that honesty is the best policy. This is especially true within the bonds of a relationship. People deserve to know where they stand with one another and on a deeper level being truthful is a form of respect for each person, letting them experience real emotions and feelings towards their partner and the difficult trials and tribulations faced throughout life.Honesty is a virtue. For some people, being honest is not that easy and such people might find themselves lying almost every day. Honesty is the best policy because no matter how good you are at telling lies, the truth will always come out. Honesty and truth can, on occasion, be hard. Sometimes we do not tell the truth because we don’t want to hurt the other person’s feelings. Sometimes we just don’t see the value in being honest: it’s not worth the effort – the person you’re talking to doesn’t want to hear the truth. Other times we do not feel it is safe to tell the truth – do not hurt the messenger and as is often the case, we don’t know how to discuss the “un-discussable.” While these lies may seem harmless and even deter a confrontation at the time, they are a slippery slope. Once a lie is told, the upkeep can be more work than the worth of the lie itself and if the partner finds out they will be more upset about being told the lie, than the understanding of the justification made at the time.