Your Husband NEEDS Friendship

Your Husband Needs FriendshipA couple was in a deeply troubled marriage, one that had reached a crisis point. Divorce loomed. When it came to fixing the relationship, they didn’t even know where to start. That’s when the wife had a revelation. She realized it was time to do something drastic.

She asked her husband to take her hunting.

It was his favorite activity, and though she had never shown any interest in it, she was committed to doing whatever it took to heal their strained marriage.

The husband was shocked. In fact, he was so surprised he laughed when she told him. But he couldn’t think of a good reason to tell her no. Reluctantly, he took her along on a hunting trip the next weekend.

That trip saved their marriage. She’d never had any desire to hunt, but soon learned to enjoy it. The shared interest led to them doing other things together. They became friends again, and it restored their relationship.

Friendship: it’s where almost all marriage relationships begin, and it’s the glue that keeps your marriage from getting stale. Women tend to bond through meaningful conversation. Men bond through having fun together.

A healthy marriage includes both of those elements—open, honest conversation and the enjoyment of shared interests.

Think about how men become buddies with each other. It’s not by having long, intimate discussions, but by doing stuff. They golf or ski. They play football, go camping, or fish and hunt. Men bond through recreation.

That’s also how they long to connect with their wives. Numerous surveys indicate that men in happy marriages are far more likely to identify their wives as their “best friends. That’s the greatest compliment a man can give.

To put it bluntly, men are interested in fun and sex. Remove those things from a marriage—like in the example of the couple above—and you’re left with something closer to a living arrangement than a vibrant, healthy relationship.

Unfortunately, many men find it difficult to grow close to another person…until recreation is involved. That’s when men become more open and vulnerable, sharing their hearts and talking about things they might otherwise keep to themselves.

Many wives don’t understand this dynamic. He has his hobbies and I have mine, they think, showing no interest in the things their husbands love. Men see this as a wife with no interest in drawing close to them.

Women, when you tell a man “I’m not interested in the things you do,” he hears this: “I’m not interested in you.” Accurate or not, that’s a dangerous message to send.

Husbands and wives who have fun together—traveling, sharing hobbies and activities, laughing and playing together—create a bond that’s not easily broken. A wife who becomes her husband’s friend will go a long way toward keeping him satisfied.

Retrieved from Marriage Today

Forgive Yourself

Forgive Yourself

The following is part 2 to Jennifer Pastiloff’s article “Love Yourself, Accept Yourself, Forgive Yourself.”

2. Forgive yourself.

I lead a meditation in my workshops on forgiveness, and every time, without fail, people start crying. Almost everyone in the room will have at least shed a tear. This leads me to believe that we are all indeed connected, a union—which is what the word Yoga means.

The human experience is so similar, and yes, I know the details are vastly different, and that the devil lies in the details, but, we still share the same weight on our shoulders. That weight would be diminished if we chose to forgive instead of harboring guilt or anger.

People cry most in my workshops when we do the meditation on forgiving yourself. Most likely it’s because we are hardest on ourselves.

What can you forgive yourself for today?

I forgive myself for saying “I hate you” to my father right before he died when I was eight years old. I carried it around for many years and let it color my life a dark airless color.

I forgive myself for not being perfect.

This shift occurred was when I was finally able to let go of my eating disorder. We often hold ourselves to impossible standards and end up feeling bad.

Ask yourself honestly, “What can I forgive myself for?” 

Sometimes it takes simply saying it aloud or writing it down to realize that you actually no longer need to bear the brunt of it.

If You Aren’t Happy at Home…

If you Aren't happy at home...If you aren’t happy at home, it doesn’t matter how successful you are at work. It doesn’t matter how much money you make. The size of your business doesn’t matter, nor does the kind of car your drive or how well you can hit a golf ball. Nothing in life has the potential to make you as happy or as miserable as your marriage. Because of this, it is worthy of the highest level of sacrifice and investment.

When stress begins to overtake our lives the first thing we must do is prioritize. Regardless of what some people think, you can’t have it all. A successful life must be a prioritized life. Every priority must be protected from competing demands.

God created marriage to be the highest priority in life, with the exception of our personal relationship with him. When we are experiencing stress, we need to examine the things that are making physical, emotional and mental demands on our time—because those things are leaping ahead of marriage on our priority list.

If we realize that the greatest priorities of our lives (God, marriage, our children) are being robbed of their rightful place by lesser things (friends, work, sports, hobbies, entertainment), then we must be willing to change. We have to re-prioritize. Sometimes we even have to remove the lesser things from our lives.

Retrieved from Marriage Today

Connect with your Child

Connect with your Child

Let go of distractions. The key point here is to focus all of your attention on your child for a set-aside time with them whether it is ten minutes a day or one hour.

Speak your child’s love language. Know what makes them feel loved and give it daily. Some kiddos need more affection, while other kids need more affirming words.

Show sincere interest in their interests and play with them.  Children long for this time with you.

Be a parent you can talk to. This means listening to what your child has to say without immediately offering your two cents.

Love Yourself

Love Yourself

The following is a portion of article called “Love yourself, accept yourself, forgive yourself” by Jennifer Pastiloff

“Love yourself—accept yourself—forgive yourself—and be good to yourself, because without you the rest of us are without a source of many wonderful things.” ~Leo F. Buscaglia 

You mean I am a source of many wonderful things?

Yes. Actually you are. Own up to it.

Leo has it right.

1. Love yourself.

Despite all the things that you think may be terribly wrong with you, love yourself. Love yourself.

Tattoo it on your brain.

I can think of so many reasons why you should love yourself, but here’s just one: It is incredibly dull and uninspiring to be around people who do not love themselves.

I spent many years being anorexic and feeling like I was a monster. I’m sure I was not much fun to be around and I also know that I didn’t book any of the acting jobs I was trying to land. It is very challenging to hire someone or love someone who fights you by holding up a mirror of hatred toward themselves.

Here’s my challenge for you today: Take a picture of your face and remember that in 10 years time you will be amazed at how gorgeous you were. Be amazed now.

Identify something about you that you may not adore and find a way to at least laugh at it or like it, even a little bit.

I have profound hearing loss; in fact, I am almost deaf and wear hearing aids. I have ringing in my ears 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Does it drive me mad most days? Yes. However, it is here to stay, and I have learned that I can make light of it or sit home and feel sorry for myself because I am missing out on what feels like everything.

Either way the choice is mine to make. I have also learned that because of my hearing loss, my other senses are highly attuned. I am more compassionate because of it. I am a healer.

I have turned something I don’t necessarily “love” having into another piece in the puzzle of me, and part of why I love that puzzle.

Instead of thinking “I am an incomplete human being because I can’t hear perfectly,” I think “I am an incredible human being with a profound sense of touch and understanding and a huge capacity for love. I am also awesome at reading lips. So there.”

What can you love about yourself today that you may have struggled with before?

Can you find a way to cultivate the opposite?

Husbands, Build Your Wife’s Self Esteem

woman ignoredMarriage Makeover Moment:

I am continuing my exploration of the C.O.U.P.L.E. acronym developed by Emmerson Eggerichs to help husbands remember what God calls them to do.  You can read the total acronym on my first blog on this topic 6 Ways Husbands Can Love Their Wives.  In each post I’ll list the detailed info related to each letter of the acronym along with the scripture that backs it up.  Don’t worry guys I will follow up with 6 Ways Wives Can Respect Their Husbands.

Today’s letter is:

E – Esteem

Love her above all others.  Know what is significant to her, even if it’s not a big deal to you.

1 Peter 3:7

How To Do This: Support her verbally, especially around the kids, praise her for what she does, value her opinions even when they are different from yours.

Questions to Ask Yourself: Does my wife feel treasured?  Do I take my wife’s efforts with me and kids for granted? Do I remember that birthdays, anniversaries, Valentine’s Day, etc. are important or do I get busy and forget?

Previous: L – Loyalty – Show Your Wife Loyalty