BLOCK pornography!

BLOCK pornogrophy

Don’t assume your sons or daughters are free from the trap of pornography. We know good Christian families who have been blown away by a child’s involvement in this trap. Talk to your child about the importance of keeping his life pure by guarding what enters through the eyes. Jesus said, “The lamp of the body is the eye; if therefore your eye is clear, your whole body will be full of light. But if your eye is bad, your whole body will be full of darkness” (Matthew 6:22–23).

As your child grows older, begin pointing out some of the sexual images you see in the media, in commercials, in magazine advertisements, etc. Here are a few things you could talk about:

Explain that pornography is any type of media—words, photographs, movies, music—that stimulates sexual excitement. The beauty and the allure of the human body does stimulate such excitement; this excitement is appropriate and good within the marriage relationship, as God intended. Pornography ruins relationships and can lead to destructive compulsions or even addictions.

Without being overly explicit, explain that there are so-called gradations of pornography. Each step is dangerous. What may be harmless looking may be the first step down a slippery slope toward the polluted water. Warn your child of the danger of bringing impure images into his mind and heart. Pornography by its very nature is so addictive, so powerful, that even a casual, innocent encounter can trigger the desire to see more.

Explain where hard-core pornography is likely to be found—and how to stay away. Explain as well what to do if your child stumbles across a pornographic book, magazine, or Web site.

Don’t be like one mother who found some pornographic literature when she was cleaning her boy’s room and did nothing. She later said with a sigh to a friend, “Boys will be boys.” Ask God for wisdom in how to handle this volatile subject. Most likely, you will find that your child will react with tremendous shame when confronted with your discovery. Ask God to enable you to express His grace and forgiveness to your child. (Ephesians 2:8-9). If you need professional assistance give us a call.

Information retrieved from Familylife.com

Planned Spontaneity in Marital Sex

Couple IntimacyMarriage Makeover Tip:

Keep the sex in your marriage fun. Always keep a good balance of predictability and mystery.  Thus the phrase planned spontaneity.  Just because you may have to plan sex does not mean it has to be routine. Planning the time means it is important enough to make it happen. Many couples I see have no idea how they got to the point of having sex five times per year.

Some ideas:

Meet as “strangers” at a hotel bar. Have a conversation and “get to know” each other. And leave with the “stranger” you meet to go to your room (that you already had) and have great sex.

Have sex all over your house. Take away the routine of only having sex in only the bedroom.  If you have kids get a sitter or trade off with a friend so you can have time alone.

Do some foreplay with each other, be romantic. Build up to the experience don’t have the same routine.

What do you think, did I miss anything? I would love to hear your comments, questions or thoughts.

 

 

 

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)

2014 veterans day va poster

We are republishing this post on PTSD.  We have the privilege of having two veterans on our staff.  Ms. Vernesa Perry and Mr. Timothy Cox.  Thank You for your service.

Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Personal accounts concerning traumatic events showed that those with post-traumatic stress disorder recurrently re-experience the traumatic incident; evade others, situations, or thoughts connected with the incident; and have symptoms of undue emotions (Baldwin, 2011). A traumatic experience is a life threatening incident such as a natural catastrophe, military warfare, serious accidents, terrorist incidents, or sexual or physical assault in childhood life or adult life. Some of survivors of traumatic events sometimes return to ordinary activities within little time. On the other hand, some individuals may have stress reactions that do not go away on their own, which might even get worse after a while. As a matter of fact, post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is a psychiatric diagnosis that is familiar amongst those who have lived through horrendous events; the central diagnostic characteristics are memory distortions (Nader, 2010).

Traumatic experiences may entail a single incident, or a continuing or repetitive incident or incidents that may fully devastate someone’s capability to handle certain feelings involved with that event. Traumatic events and tragedies can happen unintentionally, intentionally, naturally, or be repeated several times. Each one of these tragedies are either a single or long-term occurrence, and it may be psychologically, physically, and emotionally overwhelming.  However, different individuals will respond in a different way to the same tragedies. One individual might believe an event to be distressing while another individual may not go through trauma as a consequence of the same tragedy. In other words, not everyone who goes through or witness a traumatic incident will turn out to be traumatized psychologically.

Treatment for post-traumatic stress disorder might help alleviate symptoms by helping you to handle the traumatic event you have gone through. Instead of evading the event and any memories of it, you are encouraged in treatment to recollect and deal with the sensations and emotions you experienced at the time of the initial event. On top of offering an exit for emotions you have been bottling up, treatment for post-traumatic stress disorder will furthermore aid in restoring your feelings of self-control and decrease the authoritative grasp your memory has on your life.

Cognitive behavioral therapy is a type of psychotherapeutic treatment that helps people understand their feelings and thoughts that influence their behavior.  Cognitive behavioral therapy can consist of:

* Exposure therapy – Helps people face and control their fear. It exposes them to the trauma that they experienced in a safe way.

* Cognitive restructuring – Helps people make sense of the terrible memories. Sometimes people remember events in a different way than how they really happened. They might feel shameful or guilty about what is not their fault.

* Stress inoculation training – Reduces PTSD symptoms by teaching a person how to reduce their anxiety.

 It may be very hard to take that first step to help yourself. It is important to realize that although it may take some time, with treatment, you can get better.

“Be healed, be delivered, and be set free.”

LaTrina graduated in 2009 from American InterContinental University with a Bachelor of Science in Criminal Justice with a concentration in forensics. In 2011 she earned her Masters of Arts degree in Forensic Psychology, as well as a certificate in Applied Forensics from the Chicago School of Professional Psychology.

How can I be sure?

How can I be sure

Why are we getting married?

How are we going to divide up the household chores?

Does religion play an important part in your life?

Do you think faith and spirituality are important in a marriage?

What is your image of God?

Finances:

Are you a saver or spender when it comes to money?

How much do we owe in debts and what are our assets?

Do you want to have a budget?

Should we have a joint checking account or separate accounts or both?

Who is going to be responsible for making sure that bills are paid on time?

What are our financial goals?

Family:

Do we want to have children?

How long should we be married before having children?

What is your parenting philosophy?

Will one of us stay home after we have children?

What values do you want to bring from your family into our marriage?

Sex & Intimacy:

Are you comfortable discussing your sexual likes and dislikes?

What are your expectations of our sexual relationship?

Am I a jealous person?

Do I have trust issues or feel insecure?

What is your love language?

Do you think it is important to be faithful to one another?

Do you think we have problems in our relationship that we need to deal with before our wedding?

Do you think our differences will create problems in our marriage?

Do you expect or want me to change?

Are we both willing to work on our communication skills and to share intimately with each other?

Attachment Style and How it Effects Marital Sex

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Many couples come to marriage counseling for a primary issue but sexual issues are usually in the background. Adult attachment styles play a big part in those sexual issues.  Below I will give are the 3 most common attachment styles along with a 4th one learned from Jeff Hickey, LCSW.  This is some of what I learned in this awesome training:

Adult Attachment Styles

Secure: Self confident, socially skilled, comfortable with closeness, more able to stable and satisfying long-term relationships.

Anxious: Preoccupied with rejection and abandonment, seek romantic relationships, but see partners as untrustworthy, pursue to get a reaction or attention.

Avoidant: Uncomfortable with true closeness, self disclosure and dependence on others, utilize distance and numbing to veegulate affect. (Mikulincer & Shaver, 2007)

What This Means to You and How it Can Effect Sex in Your Marriage:

Secure: You have a positive view of self, no need to attack mate or use negative coping skills, comfort with closeness and give and take in bed, be in tune with spouse’s sexual needs (non pornified needs), sex deepens your love and increases secure attachment, sex doesn’t define sex.

Anxious: You are often over vigilant, sex is priming way to be close but lacks intimacy and closeness, preoccupied with spouse’s approval, preoccupied with performance not intimacy, difficulty asserting sexual needs, tend to have less satisfaction, lack of orgasm.

Avoidant: You are most likely uncomfortable with closeness and true intimate transparency, not comfortable with self disclosure, using distance And numbing to control feeling and closeness, stonewalling, looks independent on the outside but fearful of showing true self.

Disorganized: You use a mixture of anxious and avoidant attachment styles, neither of which works to make you feel good About yourself or be open and intimate with your spouse.

If you see yourself or your spouse in the negative styles don’t lose hope, they aren’t set in stone you can learn a healthier style. A small change can transform your marriage in a good way.  We would love to help.