Instant Gratification – Death of Patience

Instant Gratification - Death of Patience“Patience is a virtue.” – from the poem Piers Plowman by William Langland (14th century).

We live in a generation where we expect everything on our time, right here and now.  If we are hungry, we can pull through a drive thru lane instead of taking time to cook a family meal.  If we are thirsty, there is an abundance of water bottles available for $2 at the convenience store.  If we want to hear from our loved ones, we Facebook, call and text them whenever we want and wherever we are.  What happened to letting things happen according to God’s time?

I remind my clients periodically of the quote above and to let go and let God do his work in them.  Most of them roll their eyes and say “I want it now!”  The thing is, maybe we’re not ready for what he has to offer us yet… maybe we are not prepared enough… maybe we are not strong enough.  Having patience (along with faith) you will find the right doors will open for you, the right people will enter into your life and you will have more successes with waiting than by force.  Take time today to breath and enjoy your present surroundings.  Enjoy the few seconds that we have of peace and quietness.  Talk to God and listen to what he has right here and now for you.  Tomorrow will come, new choices will be made, and life will continue.  Don’t force your will on life, let God create the path for you and enjoy the walk.

Remain blessed my family and friends.

What Are Little Girls REALLY Made Of?

Every time I see a little girl, I find myself commenting on their cuteness and sweetness. “Oh, you have a pretty little dress on!”, “You are so cute!” “Look at those shoes!” “Those pigtails are adorable!!” Are these comments only solidifying the image-obsessed world we live in? Do we only notice our little girls for how cute they are and not for who they are or who and what they may become?  After all, our little girls are more than sugar and spice, so much more than how they look or what they are wearing. With so many little ones growing into women who base their self-worth and happiness on how beautiful they are, it seems we must start out young teaching our little girls (and little boys!) that a lady is so much more than the cute hair bows they wear and their baby doll faces.

  1. If you must compliment….

Compliment on their energy and good deeds too. Tell them how smart, strong or brave they are or how well they listen. Let them know you notice them sharing and helping their friends. If you must compliment on their cute clothes (because after all little kids clothes are adorable!), find a way to point out the color of their shirt or the image on the outfit. See if they can name the colors or  images on the shirt and compliment on how much they know.

  1. Be careful of your words!

Children soak up everything we say. We have to be mindful how we talk about our own self-image. Are we labeling ourselves “bad” for eating a piece of cake? And only “good” when we eat green leaves? Words are powerful!  Words can empower or shame. Be careful how you use your words.

Ashamed of MY ANGER

Ashamed of MY ANGER

Are you struggling with speaking out in anger when it comes to your children? I want to help you stop this because responding in anger has painful consequences for your child. We all get angry at our children, but it is important to learn how to control the expression of anger. When you feel your anger building up please remove yourself from your child. You can go to your bedroom and take a time out for yourself. One great thing you can do is to make a list of acceptable ways to handle ager. This can help guide you when you need to calm down.

Remind yourself that you will not allow your child’s behavior to have that much power over you. I have a code word I will speak if I ever find myself getting upset with my child’s behavior. I will say “Evangelist” under my breath. That reminds me that this is a child that God has blessed me with. He is an anointed young little man, and God has created him with a plan and a purpose. I will take a break and go into my room if I feel that my anger is rising.

Once in my room I start to pray. The power of prayer is extraordinary. Every time I have taken this path I find that God gives me the strength and wisdom to handle that situation correctly. Always wait before disciplining. Never do it while angry. f you feel that your anger is hard to control please give us a call. We are here to help you and your family.

What is Your Diagnosis?

What is Your Diagnosis?

We all have either received a diagnosis or know someone who was diagnosed. Wither it is a mental, psychological, physical or emotional receiving one can cause us to doubt ourselves and GOD. Our first reaction is to ask GOD why is this happening to us or to a love one.  Instead of looking at the diagnosis as a sign that GOD doesn’t love you or you have done something wrong, we should look at it and asked GOD how can we be of service to others with this diagnosis. When my son was diagnosed with Autism, I felt that I did something wrong and asked GOD why my son, why make his life harder than it needs to be. It took a long time for me to see that this diagnosis is not a curse, but is a way for me to help the next parent whose child was recently diagnosed.

We all have a testimony that we can give to help the next person deal with whatever they are going through. No matter what the diagnosis is we can find a way to help others like us. There is an unspeakable bond between those who shares the same lost, struggle and uncertainty and if you can share your story, it could encourage the next person to continue to push through the hurt.

If you are having trouble with your diagnosis, please give me a call so I can assist you with your process of healing.

Positive Deflection Techniques for Strained Marriages


This post is a blast from the past.  Check it out!

Many people live with a spouse that is overly critical of them.  On a positive note, the injured spouse can use these criticisms as a way to grow as an individual.  If you use these techniques in a non-threatening way the criticizer may have to actually focus on things they truly feel about themselves when they’re focusing on you.  Learn to set boundaries in your marriage without being disrespectful or unloving. I’ve listed 8 examples of positive deflection techniques below.

1. Agree – Marriage is not a competition.  If you are with a person who HAS to be right, let them.  There is a great deal of security in knowing you’re right and not having to argue about it.

2. Give compliments –  Ex: “You think you know everything.” Your reply, “I don’t think that at all and I’m sorry you feel that way.”

3. Take compliments – Ex: “You think you know everything.” Your reply, “I’ve worked hard to get where I am, but I know I still have more to learn. No one knows everything especially me.”

4. Label Feelings – Ex: “You did (whatever always comes back up) to me 4 years ago.” Reply: “You’re right, I apologize again for that.  What am I doing now that upsets you.”

5. Sympathize – Rephrase or validate feelings when critical remarks come from genuine anger.

6. Ask questions – Ex: “I’m so irritated with (whatever it is) and you.” Reply: “I understand so what can I do now to fix it or avoid it in the future?”

7. Express feelings, wants, limits – Ex: The critical partner blows their top and displays their anger by throwing something.  Reply: (Make sure you are somewhere safe is #1) “I know you’re upset by (whatever) but angry or not, I won’t allow you to curse at me.  Let’s talk when we’ve both calmed down.”

8. Humor – Laugh, because you have to admit sometimes when we’re angry we say stupid things.