Unequally Yoked

What Is LoveSocial media is very entertaining for lack of a better word. I have witnessed today a couple break up over EASTER. Now being in the field of counseling I am sure that it was more than just the ‘Easter’ argument and more about being unequally yoked, but the break-up was played out on Facebook. The entire fight, though was over the relevance of the date. The gentleman was saying that Easter is just another holiday forced by the government. He said first of all Easter is supposed to be in April He also mentioned that it is a known fact that it rains on Easter and today was clearly sunny- I am not sure if this is a ‘fact’ but it does happen often. He finally ended it by saying that people keep saying it was three days when in actuality it was two nights and two days. His fiancé on the other hand, is a devout Christian and she found everything that he was saying to be blasphemous and embarrassing. Needless to say, since this argument played out on social media there were others involved, thus escalating the situation past what it should have been.

This argument reminded me of two things. One it reminded me of the importance of couples keeping their business private. Many relationships have been broken due to outside sources. It is a proven fact that when couples bring people into their arguments they are going to choose sides. Choosing sides can be detrimental because the other person becomes a target and it puts a rift between the couple; sometimes ending in a split up or a divorce. Two, it reminded me of the old saying about being unequally yoked (‎2 Corinthians 6:15). I can totally understand where the woman is coming from, yet as a Christian I have to wonder if this is something that she brought upon herself. The Bible clearly states that we are not to be unequally yoked. Had this couple been better familiarized with each other, this conversation may have been avoided. To make a long story short, when choosing a mate choose carefully, don’t be blindsided by love, and be open honest. Mates are supposed to be lifelong commitments. Relationships are hard enough on their own and as a result it is important that the playing field is equal as possible from the beginning.

Financial Infidelity!!!! (copy)

money 2

I was recently having a conversation with some of my married and/or in a committed relationship girlfriends regarding financial infidelity.  We all agreed from time to time we hide certain things that we have purchased…..does not seem like a big deal….right? Well, then you have to ask yourself, if it is not a big deal why are you hiding it? For most, we just did not want to hear our spouses go on about over spending or spending unnecessarily. When put into prospective, we should not hide our financial expenditures from our spouses and vice versa; especially since finances is one of the leading causes of divorce. Is that new shirt really worth your marriage?  As a couple you have to stop thinking as an “I” and start thinking as a “We”. Usually this is easier said than done….especially if you get married later in life….old habits are hard to break.  You also need to identify your spending role….Meaning are you frugal, buying only the bare necessities or are you extravagant in your spending? Once you have discovered each others roles, as a couple you need to set goals and guidelines for spending. For example, my husband is frugal with most things but he splurges on golf equipment and our kiddos….oh yes, and meeee; me on the other hand am somewhat of the spendthrift….I know what’s needed to make our household run smoothly and I get it but I also add that new shirt or must have pair of jeans. So as a couple we had to compromise, compromise, compromise!!! Luckily, we found something that worked for us. Yes, do i go to the store and make a purchase and tell my husband later…….absolutely….if I remember! I should however, be sharing these minor expenditures with him. These small things could lead to bigger things, that could be detrimental to your finances as well as your marriage. It is much easier to sit down and work as a team to come up with a resolution and/or plan than to try to recover after the damage is done. In order for this as with many aspects of marriage to work, there has to be trust and a mutual love and respect for one another. You hurt your spouse, you hurt yourself.

Financial Infidelity!!!!

money 2

I was recently having a conversation with some of my married and/or in a committed relationship girlfriends regarding financial infidelity.  We all agreed from time to time we hide certain things that we have purchased…..does not seem like a big deal….right? Well, then you have to ask yourself, if it is not a big deal why are you hiding it? For most, we just did not want to hear our spouses go on about over spending or spending unnecessarily. When put into prospective, we should not hide our financial expenditures from our spouses and vice versa; especially since finances is one of the leading causes of divorce. Is that new shirt really worth your marriage?  As a couple you have to stop thinking as an “I” and start thinking as a “We”. Usually this is easier said than done….especially if you get married later in life….old habits are hard to break.  You also need to identify your spending role….Meaning are you frugal, buying only the bare necessities or are you extravagant in your spending? Once you have discovered each others roles, as a couple you need to set goals and guidelines for spending. For example, my husband is frugal with most things but he splurges on golf equipment and our kiddos….oh yes, and meeee; me on the other hand am somewhat of the spendthrift….I know what’s needed to make our household run smoothly and I get it but I also add that new shirt or must have pair of jeans. So as a couple we had to compromise, compromise, compromise!!! Luckily, we found something that worked for us. Yes, do i go to the store and make a purchase and tell my husband later…….absolutely….if I remember! I should however, be sharing these minor expenditures with him. These small things could lead to bigger things, that could be detrimental to your finances as well as your marriage. It is much easier to sit down and work as a team to come up with a resolution and/or plan than to try to recover after the damage is done. In order for this as with many aspects of marriage to work, there has to be trust and a mutual love and respect for one another. You hurt your spouse, you hurt yourself.

Financial Infidelity!!!

money 2

I was recently having a conversation with some of my married and/or in a committed relationship girlfriends regarding financial infidelity.  We all agreed from time to time we hide certain things that we have purchased…..does not seem like a big deal….right? Well, then you have to ask yourself, if it is not a big deal why are you hiding it? For most, we just did not want to hear our spouses go on about over spending or spending unnecessarily. When put into prospective, we should not hide our financial expenditures from our spouses and vice versa; especially since finances is one of the leading causes of divorce. Is that new shirt really worth your marriage?  As a couple you have to stop thinking as an “I” and start thinking as a “We”. Usually this is easier said than done….especially if you get married later in life….old habits are hard to break.  You also need to identify your spending role….Meaning are you frugal, buying only the bare necessities or are you extravagant in your spending? Once you have discovered each others roles, as a couple you need to set goals and guidelines for spending. For example, my husband is frugal with most things but he splurges on golf equipment and our kiddos….oh yes, and meeee; me on the other hand am somewhat of the spendthrift….I know what’s needed to make our household run smoothly and I get it but I also add that new shirt or must have pair of jeans. So as a couple we had to compromise, compromise, compromise!!! Luckily, we found something that worked for us. Yes, do i go to the store and make a purchase and tell my husband later…….absolutely….if I remember! I should however, be sharing these minor expenditures with him. These small things could lead to bigger things, that could be detrimental to your finances as well as your marriage. It is much easier to sit down and work as a team to come up with a resolution and/or plan than to try to recover after the damage is done. In order for this as with many aspects of marriage to work, there has to be trust and a mutual love and respect for one another. You hurt your spouse, you hurt yourself.

Arlington/Mansfield Best of 2016 Winner – Family First Counseling!

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Thank You for making us the 2016 Arlington/Mansfield Best of Counseling Services for the first time.  I feel so blessed to receive this honor from our friends and clients.  What a way to start off the first day of this month! This post cannot fully express how grateful I am.

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2016 BEST COUNSELING SERVICES

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Megan Pickens, LPC-S