Emotional Intelligence And Beyond

"Like a Girl"

Personal Intelligence, The Power of Personality and How it Shapes Our Lives is a book by John D. Mayer who is a psychologist that co-developed the theory of emotional intelligence.  In my search to understand emotional intelligence I happened upon this book and (new to me) term and concept that expands on the original theory.  Join me in a review of his book in the next few weeks on this topic.

Some questions that will be considered  in the review are:

1.  What is personal intelligence and how does it differ from emotional intelligence?

2.  What are some examples of personal intelligence?

3.  What are some questions I can ask myself to determine how my personal IQ rates in relation to others.

4.  What are the key reasons to work to increase in personal intelligence?

5.  What steps can I take to improve my personal IQ?

6.  Is personal intelligence something I should be concerned with as a Christian?

What is personal intelligence?

Mayer stipulates that it is a broader intelligence that expands to understanding our own personalities and the personalities of those around us.  Personality can be defined as:

American Psychological Association definition:
Personality refers to individual differences in characteristic patterns of thinking, feeling and behaving. The study of personality focuses on two broad areas: One is understanding individual differences in particular personality characteristics, such as sociability or irritability. The other is understanding how the various parts of a person come together as a whole.

Merriam-Webster defines personality as the set of emotional qualities, ways of behaving, etc., that makes a person different from other people.

Personal intelligence may be differentiated from emotional intelligence by looking at the “themes” or “patterns” that emerge out of our awareness of our own thoughts, feelings and behaviors.  These themes may be a result of learned behavior from our immediate culture or family of origin or our broader culture being our society.  There is strong evidence that our personalities are shaped by our genetic inheritance as well in the form of temperament.

According to the Encyclopedia of Children’s Health, temperament is defined as:

Individual differences in human motivation and emotion that appear early in life, usually thought to be biological in origin. Temperament is sometimes considered the biological or physiological component of personality, which refers to the sum total of the physical, emotional, mental, spiritual, and social dimensions of an individual.

Paying attention to the themes that arise from our genetic inheritance regarding personality is part of the learning process.  For example, you may find similarities to how you react in life to a particular family member.  Am I outgoing or shy?  Am I thin-skinned or thick-skinned?  Am I laid back or uptight?  Do I think before I talk or think out loud?  An example of these genetic personality differences in the animal world is demonstrated by the purposeful breeding and cross breeding of particular breeds for a specific outcome in behavior and temperament.  If you are researching the type of dog for your particular home or purpose, there is ample information available on specific breeds to predict their tendency for energy level, sociability and intelligence and skill set.




Pet Therapy: An Effective Drug

pet therapy

Are you searching for the miracle pill to lower anxiety, depression, stress, etc?  If so, look no further than your man’s (or woman’s) best friend.  In the past few years, there has been tremendous research done on pet therapy and one’s health – emotional, mental, physical and spiritual.  Pet Partners, a nonprofit animal-assisted program, lists multiple benefits that pets can have for children, adults, seniors and families.  Below is a list from their website, www.petpartners.org, to show the impact of owning a pet.


– Increase in self-esteem.

– Teaches responsibility and respect towards other living beings.

– Increase with involvement in activities: sports, hobbies, clubs and/or chores.

– Increase in treatment procedures if suffering from an ailment.


– Decrease in blood pressure.

– Decrease in anxiety and stress levels.

– Teaches nurturing and parenthood.

– An abundance of snuggles, laughter and unconditional love.


– Brings new meaning and purpose to life.

– Decrease in doctor visits for minor health issues.

– Decrease in blood pressure and cholesterol.

– Increase in motivation to engage in daily activities and socialization.


– Touches the lives of all generations.

– Cheers up the stressed and tired parents.

– Excellent companion for child(ren).


Having thoughts of getting a pet?  Do your research to find out which pet best fits your life style.  Also, may I suggest obtaining your new pet from your local animal shelter.  There are plenty that need a new home, hopefully yours!  As for me, we have two golden retrievers, Ozzie and Leo, that have made our family complete.  Blessings to your health and family (including fur babies)!

I’m Sorry, So Sorry

I'm Sorry, So Sorry Have you ever been in an argument and decided to concede?  You offer  an apology but it feels like it fell on deaf ears?  The person didn’t offer forgiveness and continued to fight in a war when you had already surrendered?   Gary Chapman and Jennifer Thomas describe this disconnect may be due to you and that someone may speak a different language of apology.   In their book, “The Five Languages of Apology,” they discuss these apologies:

Love Language #1: Expressing Regret  — I AM SORRY

When offering an apology, concentrate on how your behavior caused the other person pain.

For example, “I’m sorry I disappointed you,” “I’m sorry I violated your trust,”  or “I’m sorry I hurt you.”

Love Language #2: Accepting Responsibility — I WAS WRONG

When offering an apology, admit that your behavior was wrong.

For example, “I made a mistake,” “It was my fault,” or “There is no excuse for what I did.”

Love Language #3: Making Restitution — I WANT TO MAKE IT RIGHT

When offering an apology, make right the wrong you committed.

For example, “I want to make up for what I’ve done.”

Love Language #4: Genuinely Repenting — I WON’T DO IT AGAIN

When offering an apology, make a plan for change.

For example, “What can I do to rebuild your trust in me?”

Love Language #5  Requesting Forgiveness – I SEEK FORGIVENESS

When offering an apology, ask for forgiveness to show you understand that you were wrong.

For example,” I’m sorry that I yelled at you.  It was wrong, and I ask for your forgiveness.”


So, how do you figure out what someone else’s primary apology language is — ask them!

Ask them – Describe when someone gave you an apology that you felt was unsatisfactory. What was lacking?

Ask them — Describe what you think is the most important part of an apology.

Ask them — Describe what you thinks needs to be said in order to offer forgiveness.


Be Vulnerable


When we were children, we used to think that when we were grown-up we would not longer be vulnerable.  But to grow up is to accept vulnerability…

To be alive is to be vulnerable.

–Madeleine L’Engle

As Americans it seems we have placed too much emphasis on independence as a culture.  I’m not referring to our rights as citizens.  I’m referring to our resistance to being inter dependent.  One of the biggest challenges for people after an injury or trauma is the feeling of being a burden on family and friends.  Our pride as Americans can be a deadly force preventing people from getting help and from having a sense of community and support during times of struggles.

Signs of Being Stressed!!!

Conquering StressIn most of our everyday lives we try to complete as many tasks as possible in a day. Usually with many task left incomplete or not even started. You get comfortable with the duties of a job, only to have your boss add additional duties to the list. We tend to do the same for ourselves. This has become the norm but when does the rush of trying to comply as much as possible in a days’ time become stress? Do you know what symptoms you portray when stressed? While surfing the web, I came across a list of commons signs of stress on The American Institute of Stress website: http://www.stress.org/stress-effects There are numerous emotional and physical disorders that have been linked to stress including depression, anxiety, heart attacks, stroke, hypertension, immune system disturbances that increase susceptibility to infections, a host of viral linked disorders ranging from the common cold and herpes to AIDS and certain cancers, as well as autoimmune diseases like rheumatoid arthritis and multiple sclerosis. In addition stress can have direct effects on the skin (rashes, hives, atopic dermatitis, the gastrointestinal system (GERD, peptic ulcer, irritable bowel syndrome, ulcerative colitis) and can contribute to insomnia and degenerative neurological disorders like Parkinson’s disease. In fact, it’s hard to think of any disease in which stress cannot play an aggravating role or any part of the body that is not affected (see stress effects on the body stress diagram) or. This list will undoubtedly grow as the extensive ramifications of stress are increasingly being appreciated.

50 common signs and symptoms of stress

  1. Frequent headaches, jaw clenching or pain
  2. Gritting, grinding teeth
  3. Stuttering or stammering
  4. Tremors, trembling of lips, hands
  5. Neck ache, back pain, muscle spasms
  6. Light headedness, faintness, dizziness
  7. Ringing, buzzing or “popping sounds
  8. Frequent blushing, sweating
  9. Cold or sweaty hands, feet
  10. Dry mouth, problems swallowing
  11. Frequent colds, infections, herpes sores
  12. Rashes, itching, hives, “goose bumps”
  13. Unexplained or frequent “allergy” attacks
  14. Heartburn, stomach pain, nausea
  15. Excess belching, flatulence
  16. Constipation, diarrhea, loss of control
  17. Difficulty breathing, frequent sighing
  18. Sudden attacks of life threatening panic
  19. Chest pain, palpitations, rapid pulse
  20. Frequent urination
  21. Diminished sexual desire or performance
  22. Excess anxiety, worry, guilt, nervousness
  23. Increased anger, frustration, hostility
  24. Depression, frequent or wild mood swings
  25. Increased or decreased appetite
  26. Insomnia, nightmares, disturbing dreams
  27. Difficulty concentrating, racing thoughts
  28. Trouble learning new information
  29. Forgetfulness, disorganization, confusion
  30. Difficulty in making decisions
  31. Feeling overloaded or overwhelmed
  32. Frequent crying spells or suicidal thoughts
  33. Feelings of loneliness or worthlessness
  34. Little interest in appearance, punctuality
  35. Nervous habits, fidgeting, feet tapping
  36. Increased frustration, irritability, edginess
  37. Overreaction to petty annoyances
  38. Increased number of minor accidents
  39. Obsessive or compulsive behavior
  40. Reduced work efficiency or productivity
  41. Lies or excuses to cover up poor work
  42. Rapid or mumbled speech
  43. Excessive defensiveness or suspiciousness
  44. Problems in communication, sharing
  45. Social withdrawal and isolation
  46. Constant tiredness, weakness, fatigue
  47. Frequent use of over-the-counter drugs
  48. Weight gain or loss without diet
  49. Increased smoking, alcohol or drug use
  50. Excessive gambling or impulse buying




“Laughter is inner jogging.” –Norman Cousins

We respond all the time with LOL but are we actually doing so?  Laughter is a great stress relief and actually increases oxygen in the body like deep breathing and exercise.  It’s no wonder we are drawn towards funny people and things that allow us to have a good laugh.  Someone said laughter is good medicine and I believe it to be true.  Carry on with all the LOL’s!