Selflessness

Change Is It Possible

As we move closer to the Christmas holiday I have begun to see more and more community services being done, as it is every year. Now do not get me wrong, I believe that community service is always needed and is always welcomed. My question is where is the selflessness throughout the rest of the year? Both my church and my sorority commit to at least one community service project a piece every month and the rewards are priceless. Giving does not have to be much. It could be something as simple as giving away a few pieces of clothing or shoes as we revamp our closets from season to season. What I have learned though, is that many people equate community service with work and not with giving and selflessness. As my grandmother used to say ‘child pick your lip up. No matter how bad you feel your situation is, there is always someone out there that is worse off than you. Be grateful’. Being selfless requires a certain amount of style and grace. All my life I have kind of equated this phenomenon to tithing at church; something is required in order to be blessed. A person cannot go through life only taking and looking out for self and expect good things to happen. With that being said during this holiday season let’s make someone else’s load a little lighter. I am by no means saying to cut back on the sacrifices and community service, but rather just make a vow to keep it up all year as well. Be a light for someone else this season and Happy Holidays!!!

Self-Care Wheel

Self-Care-Wheel-English

A colleague shared this self-care wheel tool with me, and I couldn’t pass up sharing with you all. Be sure to click on it to get a larger version!

The tool was made specifically for trauma professionals but I think it can be useful for all of us working in the helping profession (nurses, teachers, doctors, lawyers, firefighters, police officers, social workers, pastors, etc). The tool was designed to help with secondary trauma prevention and living your fullest life.

This self-care wheel not only covers your whole health but it even gives a new way at looking at these ares of your life. I love it – it is so comprehensive and amazing! If you feel stuck figuring out where to start, you can go to www.olgaphoenix.com  and sign up for the FREE starter kit. It will guide you through sixteen questions to help you design and map out a more fulfilling life.

Self-care is an intentional act of loving, healing, and breathing life into your soul. With the year winding down, you can use this tool to evaluate how well  you really took care of yourself in 2015. Looking at this self-care wheel, I realized I have a lot of work to do! Figure out the areas you need to improve to prioritize self-care in 2016.

Remember, “the world will not end if you take ten minutes for yourself.” Cheers to self-care in the new year!!

Keeping Stress Under Wrap During the Holidays

Keeping Stress Under Wrap During the Holidays

It’s Christmas time!  For many people this is a time of joy, for others this is a time of sadness and still for others this is a time of stress.  I know I have to make a conscious choice to make this a time of joy.   So like most people, I can overextend myself and during this month I really didn’t need to do that, it would have happened naturally.  But I knowingly overextended myself to get a major accomplishment done before the end of this year.  I thought I would have 3 weeks to get a major project and class done, but due to no fault of my own I ended up only having a week and a half.  Any other time of the year, and it probably wouldn’t have sent me into panic mode.  This being December and trying to get all the fun family Christmas activities in and a birthday party for one of my kids done along side of all this equals MAJOR stress for me.  So instead of shoving everything to the side and getting this studying done I made sure to stick to my routine.  Why?  Because my routine helps me control my stress level. Getting up in the morning exercising, playing with my dog, seeing my family off and taking time to do my bible study is all part of my routine.  My routine helps me maintain a sense of normalcy in my day and also helps me cope with stress.

Are you sticking to your normal routine most of the time this December?  Or are you pushing it aside to do things this holiday season that aren’t truly necessary?  These things your devoting your time to may be good things, even noble things for others, but if you’re overdoing it and neglecting your self-care and routine, that’s not good for you!  Eventually, the stress of all that running around will wear you down.  Once you’re worn down then what happens for you?  I know many people get so worn down they get depressed, they can not longer function and then they crash into bed and can’t crawl out for days or even weeks. Other people get physically sick.  They didn’t take care of themselves mentally and physically and their bodies say “I’ve had it,” then their immune system takes a nosedive and they get the bronchitis that is going around.  Then they have to stop all the running around they’ve been doing for weeks on end because they feel like the walking dead.  Other people get so stressed they lash out in anger at the people they love most and a huge argument occurs.  Well that’s real festive and ringing with holiday cheer: a good ol’ dysfunctional family-screaming match around the holidays!  I say all this tongue in cheek but I bet some of this is hitting home.  If these types of things don’t often happen for you, I bet you know of someone.  If so, share this post with them!

So yes, be giving this holiday season and try to make things fun for your family, but also maintain the balance in your life.  Don’t stop your routine, it keeps things stable for you and your family.  Continue to take time to use your coping skills for stress like exercising, playing with the family pet or relaxing with a good book.  Don’t stop taking time to take care of yourself because someone may be depending on you and you getting sick, depressed or angry won’t help them!  Keeping stress under wraps during the holidays is about keeping life in balance while still trying to fit in some holiday fun!

Holiday Depression

Holiday Depression

Holiday Depression

With all the commercials, advertising in stores, and sales we know that the holiday season is amongst us. But this is not always a happy moment for everyone. We must remember that many are suffering from what professionals are calling: Holiday Depression. Holiday depression is described as regression, development of diffuse anxiety, feelings of helplessness, irritability, and depression; said to occur in certain psychoanalytic patients before Thanksgiving and continuing into the Christmas holiday season, ending a few days after January 1. Researchers have found that 18% of the US  population suffer from this form of anxiety this time of the year. For many they see this as a time of self-evaluation, loneliness, reflection on past failures and anxiety about an uncertain future hence leading to holiday depression. This reflection time has caused this time frame to become the highest time for suicide rates.

Professionals know that this may be a hard time to speak with your love ones. They feel that this may be a time when you may not know what to say or just fear you will bring up something that will upset your love one. But, they feel that just being a compassionate listener is much more important than giving advice. Researchers feel that you should NEVER try to “fix” the person; you just have to be a GOOD listener.

Tamika Lockett

 

 

 

Holiday Fever

Keeping Stress Under Wrap During the Holidays

Keeping Stress Under Wrap During the Holidays

The holidays are my favorite time of the year, or at least Christmas is. I love all things Christmas. Everything from the Christmas music to the gifts. From watching Christmas movies to wearing onesie pajamas. Most importantly though I love the gift giving. It is just something about putting a smile on someone else’s face that just gives me a sense of happiness and satisfaction. I enjoy the decorations as well. I usually put my tree up the day after Thanksgiving and we make it a family event. But what I have noticed is that Christmas has become less about family and giving and more about commercial things. Nobody is excited about the thought behind the gift but rather the gift itself. People could care less about family because they are more worried about the sales on Black Friday. As a Christian sometimes I notice that there are a great deal more Santa Claus displays than there are Nativity Scenes. For my family Christmas is the holiday that we spend at my house as a family and I try to make it a cozy and personal for my family as possible. We drink hot chocolate and sing ‘O come all ye faithful’. We watch feel good movies and make gingerbread. I even make sure everyone only puts the name of the person who will be receiving the present and not the person giving the present. I have found that this cuts down on envy and favoritism. Lastly we do some form of community service as our gift to Jesus. After all it is supposed to be a celebration of His birthday. I guess what I am saying as we enter into the holiday season don’t forget the meaning. Enjoy your holiday!!!!

Feminist Theory

 

 

Feminist Theory

Feminist Theory

 

Could the Feminist Theory belief be one to blame for the make of today’s family dynamics?

Feminist therapy was inspired during the Women’s Movement of the 1960’s. Its main focus was on empowering women and helping them discover how to break the stereotypes and molds of some traditional roles that women play that may be blocking their development and growth. The main goal of feminist therapy is not just to change the individual’s situation or mindset, but also to form a revolution that changes the way society views gender issues.

Many feel that it was this theory that destroyed the traditional family. Leaving many families as single family homes. So much… that single-parent families can no longer be viewed as nontraditional families. The U.S. Census Bureau reported that about 30 percent of American families are headed by only one parent.

It has been found through varied research that children in single-parent homes generally fare worse than those homes with two parents. There are also signs that children in these homes may have problems with depression, emotional stress, and difficulties in school. It has been found that adolescents from single-parent families were found to be three times more likely to be depressed than those living with two parents. Single parent homes are also associated with criminal activity in the U.S.A. Problems found in the single-parent household may not be because of the parent who raised these children, but can be linked to other things that are also related to single parenting. It has been pointed out that when there is only one parent, the family is often less well off financially and this is the main reason for so many family problems.

Tamika Lockett