Everyone knows what an i Pad and an iPhone are now a days, but what about “I Messages”? “I Messages” are a form of verbal communication, via face-to-face with an individual or sent through the Apple (or Android) devices.
“I Messages” contain a formula where one can use this verbal communication style to express their feelings about an action that took place. Furthermore, the formula states what is necessarily needed to correct the action for future references. So, what is this so-called “formula”?
Here you go:
“I feel (INSERT EMOTION) when you do (INSERT BEHAVIOR). I need (INSERT DESIRED ACTION).”
In the first part of the “I Message”, state your feeling/emotion. For example: upset, hurt, disappointed, happy, loved, etc. When you state your feeling first, the other person you are communicating to will be less defensive. That’s right, less defensive. You are taking ownership of your own feelings and not placing blame on someone else making you feel a certain way! Make sure to NOT say “I feel like you…” or “I feel as if you…” These beginning statements DO NOT express an emotion. If anything, these two statements will place the other person on the defense. So, keep it sweet, short and simple with “I feel (emotion)”.
The second part is where you insert the other person’s behavior that assists you in feeling a certain way. Some examples of how to state a behavior could be: “I feel happy when you hug me” or “I feel depreciated when you call me names”. You are connecting the emotion with a particular behavior, but not blaming that person for your emotions.
Once you have stated your feeling and the other person’s behavior, what do you want more or less of? The last part of the “I Message” is what you desire. So, going further with the examples I provided previously, your needs may sound like: “I feel happy when you hug me. I would like more hugs from you.” or “I feel depreciated when you call me names. I deserve to be appreciated by my partner.” Make certain to place reasonable and achievable requests that you and/or your listener can accomplish together.
So at first, the “I Message” formula may sound robotic, but give it your own flair and try it out! Let me know how the formula has worked for you and your listener down below in the comments area. Happy communicating!