When your spouse tells you what you what to do, it feels controlling.  When people take orders from their spouses they are contributing to their own domination.  Despite threats to punish disobedience, they will most likely pout, get mad or withdraw.  The best solution to change and stop domination you need to what you need to do and allow them to be mad.  Here’s how to start taking control of your life:

1. Don’t argue and try to convince them that you have the right to do what you want.  Especially if it’s within reason.

2. Offer extra affection, but don’t change your plans.  This may help them learn to deal with the loss of power.

3. Show understanding by restating their feeling and reassure them of your faithfulness.

4. If after further examination and possibly advice from someone who is invested in your marriage, you decide that what you want to do is reasonable do it.

5. Have a safety plan in case your spouse tries to regain control through physical violence.

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Megan, a native of Kansas City, Kansas is an empty nest parent of three adult children Ayanna, Jonathan and Isiah. Megan is a Christian and active in ministry at her church Cornerstone Baptist Church, in Arlington, TX. She is currently a Doctoral student working toward a Ph.D. in Marriage & Family Therapy at Texas Wesleyan University. Her personal interests include independent film, music and marriage enrichment. Megan is the co-founder of the Minority Behavioral Health Provider Networking Group along with colleague Cynthia Thompson.

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