Division of Labor in a Marriage

division of labor in marriageDisagreements over the division of labor in a marriage can cause some major problems. I myself am a young newly-wed (going on 3 years of marriage) and this particular issue is something that I have had to work on as well. Sometimes in a marriage one person feels like they are doing so much more than the other and it can be frustrating. One person may be keeping a tally of who took out the trash last, who did the dishes last, who did the laundry last, or who cleaned the bathroom last. Oftentimes, the other spouse is completely unaware of the score he or she is up against! When one person is feeling like they are carrying the burden of the household chores it can lead to anger and resentment.  The best way to handle the situation is to have an open and calm conversation about it. Don’t assume your spouse can read your mind!  Make a list of what needs to be done around the house from mowing the yard and changing the oil in the car to doing the laundry and feeding the dog. Once you have made a list, come to a mutual agreement about how to handle the division of labor – whether it is to alternate doing the task or dividing the tasks up equally. This way you can avoid a lot of arguments, you are both contributing, and you are both feeling appreciated.

3 thoughts on “Division of Labor in a Marriage

  1. Yes I would say dividing things up is wonderful, however I grew up in an era where my grandparents would say, “I you see something that needs to be done do it no questions asked.” Since then. now in my adult life I do not take splitting chores up into consideration, I just do it with no problems. My guy friend has issues with this saying how I do not want him to help and how I hogging the chores and how I am not a maid. I have got better, I know now that even with household chores, it makes everyone feel like they are needed.

  2. I would not be surprised at how many marriages are “keeping score” of the household responsibilities. This can certainly cause division between the two. I have learned that marriage is a partnership. This means that each person is to give themselves whole heartedly and unconditionally to each other in that the marriage can produce good fruit!

  3. Very good points. I have been married for several years. We don’t have written list but I suppose a mutual understanding as to who will be responsible for what chores. Even still there are times, I’m sure (I know I do) we both feel that the split is more like 70/30 instead of 50/50. I do think that one should consider life factors that might interfere with your spouse completing his/her task in a timely manner.

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