Many people come in with issues dealing with boundaries.  Boundaries affect every aspect of our lives and often determine how other’s treat us.  Here are some common Boundary Myths according to Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend in their Boundaries Workbook:

  • If I Set Boundaries, I’m Being Selfish (selfishness actually has to do with the fixation on our own wishes and desires to the exclusion of our responsibility to love others)
  • Boundaries Are a Sign of Disobedience (many Christians fear this setting a keeping limit signals rebellion or disobedience, but a lack of boundaries can be assigned a disobedience. When our motive is fear-of a real person or a guilty conscience-we love not. And God doesn’t want us to obey out of fear, but out of love.)
  • If I Began Setting Boundaries, I Will Be Hurt by Others (Those people in our lives who can respect our boundaries will love our wheels, our opinions, our separateness)
  • If I Set Boundaries, I Will Hurt Others (Appropriate boundaries don’t control, attack or hurt anyone. They simply prevent you from being taken advantage of)
  • Boundaries Mean That I Am Angry (Boundaries don’t cause anger in us. Anger can tell us that our boundaries have been violated and it can tell us if we’re in danger of being controlled)
  • When Others Set Boundaries, It Injures Me (An inability to receive someone’s boundary may mean there is an idolatrous relationship. Are you putting someone on the throne that should only be occupied by God?)
  • Boundaries Cause Feelings of Guilt (One of the major obstacles to setting boundaries is our feeling of obligation. Many people solve this dilemma by avoiding setting boundaries with those to whom they may feel an obligation)
  • Boundaries Are Permanent, and I’m Afraid of Burning My Bridges (It’s important to understand that if you set limits with someone and here she responds maturely and lovingly, you can renegotiate the boundary if appropriate)

 

 

 

 

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Megan, a native of Kansas City, Kansas is an empty nest parent of three adult children Ayanna, Jonathan and Isiah. Megan is a Christian and active in ministry at her church Cornerstone Baptist Church, in Arlington, TX. She is currently a Doctoral student working toward a Ph.D. in Marriage & Family Therapy at Texas Wesleyan University. Her personal interests include independent film, music and marriage enrichment. Megan is the co-founder of the Minority Behavioral Health Provider Networking Group along with colleague Cynthia Thompson.

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