When you first met one another, it was like the fourth of July. The fireworks were going off inside both of you. You were so attracted to each other. He thought you were the most beautiful woman he has ever laid eyes on. She thought you were the most handsome man on the face of this earth. On your first date he brought you roses, opened the doors for you, held your hand, and gave you many gifts. He was the perfect gentleman. The two of you had so much in common. It almost seemed too good to be true. Eventually the two of you became married. This marriage seemed to be the most beautiful union ever. It seemed like the two of you were always entertaining each other. It was always something fresh happening such as; catching a movie, going for a walk on the beach shore, vacations, picnics in the park, or just a nice cozy evening at home by the fire. After a few years into the marriage you noticed that things were not the same. You don’t even look at each other the same. The both of you have become so busy with you personal lives. She is busy caring for the children while he is deeply indulged into his career. After work, he comes home and eats, then sleeps; barely noticing his wife. The times you two use to spend with one another does not exist anymore. The marriage has gone from beautiful to ugly in a matter of years. Does this sound like your marriage or relationship?
If so, maybe it is time to spice things it up. It seems that the two of you have begun to take life and your marriage for granted. You have taken for granted the love which you both shared when you first met, would always be there. Well I have news for you… That love is still there. Only it has not been maintained! Those very things you use to do when you first met, are the very things that will help maintain your marriage. Bring back the date nights. Where are the roses? What about a romantic picnic at the park? Hey men. Don’t forget the doors. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. Little things do mean a lot! Get back to dating! It may save your marriage.
Successful marriages are those in which spouses grow together despite their shortcomings, care for each other including flaws and differences, and nurture their respective strengths to hold on to the good and minimize the bad in their relationships.
What were the good qualities that drew you to each other? What flaws in your relationship or in each other that you overlooked? Can you recover the best parts of your relationship and each other that made you want to spend the rest of your lives together?
Megan, a native of Kansas City, Kansas, is the wife of Malik, and mother of Ayanna, Jonathan and Isiah. She actively encourages her children’s higher education and community involvement. Megan is a Christian and active in the marriage ministry at her church Cornerstone Baptist Church, in Arlington, TX. Her personal interests include independent film, music and marriage enrichment. Megan is the co-founder of the Minority Behavioral Health Provider Networking Group along with colleague Cynthia Thompson.
“If the family were a fruit, it would be an orange, a circle of sections, held together but separable – each segment distinct.” – Letty Cottin Pogrebin
You and your family sit down for the first time with a family therapist. Some feelings you may experience are nervousness, anxiety, and/or concern about what will transpire within the session. Maybe you believe that your communication skills are up to par while others within the family need to put forth more effort in understanding you. Or, maybe you require the fine tuning to be heard more from others. Either way, communication is critical to family life (Satir, 1967).
According to Virginia Satir, the “mother of family system therapy”, when communication failure occurs within the system, family members will take on one of four dysfunctional roles to cover up their vulnerabilities:
Satir describes each role with descriptives, communication tones and a possible image of what that individual resembles.
Having marriage problems? Are you considering divorce? Well, it?s time you put your assumptions about marriage issues to the test! Take the Relationship IQ Quiz and find out what makes a healthy marriage, what causes divorce, and what most people do after infidelity occurs.
If you?re looking for a divorce quiz, or trying to decide if you should get divorced, then this is a great place to start. As always, remember, it?s never too late to save a marriage from divorce.
By Michele Weiner-Davis
Answer “True” or “False” to each of the following questions:
Conflict and anger are signs that your relationship is failing.
You’re more likely to divorce if there are differences in your backgrounds, likes and dislikes and interests.
In healthy relationships, major disagreements get resolved over time.
In healthy marriages, spouses have the same definition of what it means to be loving.
People just fall out of love.
Affairs don’t have to ruin marriages.
Most people are much happier in their second marriages because they’ve learned from their mistakes.
In an ideal world we would satisfy our search for a significant other, with someone who fulfills all of our wants and needs. This would be our Mr. or Ms. Right. Does such a person exist? Are our standards set to high that no one will ever be able to fill these shoes? Does this longing cause a sense of desperation and we begin to settle more for wants over needs? For example, you may want someone who is spontaneous and buys you nice things but what you need is a partner with job stability.
Are you willing to settle for the bungee jumper who changes jobs three times a year or, are you willing to work on spontaneity with a partner who has job security?