Are You a Good Parent?

Most people want to be good parents. But what makes a “good” parent? No rules? Lots of rules? Experts identify three parenting styles:

Authoritarian parenting or a “brick wall” family:

Authoritarian parents have an attitude of “my way or the highway.” The benefit of this style of parenting is that the kids have structure and know what to expect. The downside is that there is little communication between parents and children and the kids may rebel strongly at some point. This type of family may become abusive and find themselves in a power struggle.

3 Types of Rituals in Marriage

Rituals in marriage are the things that happen often, are planned together and special mostly to you and your spouse.  Read the Rituals in Marriage post in this series to get more details.

Almost anything can be turned into a ritual of connection, if the focus is on the relationship.  If just one person likes to call and the other person says, “Yep, yep, busy, busy, I’ll talk to you later,” this is not a ritual, because it is not coordinated–and it’s probably not emotionally significant either.

Here are the 4 types of rituals:

  1. Connection rituals – Connection rituals happen on a regular, usually daily basis.  An example is kissing each other every morning before the couple leaves for work.
  2. Intimacy rituals – take place during special dates you plan to connect with each other, sexual intimacy and special occasion rituals like anniversaries.
  3. Community rituals – take place in the wider community.  An example would be a couple who works side by side in their church’s marriage ministry as a way of connection.

Rituals are often looked over when trying to improve marriages, but they are usually what brought a couple together and the glue that keeps them connected.

What are the rituals in your marriage or relationship?  Telling us about them may help other couples searching for ways to connect.  Here are the guidelines:

    1. List one ritual for each response (feel free to submit more than once!)
    2. Why you do it, how it started, how long you’ve been doing it and any obstacles and backup plans for doing it if you miss it.

Next post: Talk Rituals: The Most Important Marriage Ritual of All

Rituals in Marriage: Why They Are Important for Your Marriage

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Before anyone thinks I’m losing it let me start out by giving a definition of rituals (no chicken feathers on an altar!).

Rituals in marriage are the things that happen often, are planned together and special mostly to you and your spouse.  They may happen every year or they may happen every day.  Because they are planned together both of you know that you’re supposed to be there for the ritual.  Along with planning and frequency, they must be special.  Your ritual should have positive emotional meanings to both spouses.

Rituals are different from routines because they are not just about efficiency.  Like eating dinner sitting in front of the TV with little conversation and the distraction of tablets and cell phones.  However, what is a ritual for some may not be for others.  A clearer example of a ritual would be a spouse previously apprehensive about dancing starting dance lessons through a local studio.  The spouse then learns that they like dancing lessons and initiates more without prompting.  The couple has now created a new experience and planned connection activity in their marriage.  Rituals are about you and your spouse connecting.  So anything can be a ritual, if the focus is on building connection in your marriage.

It is especially important for couples in blended marriages to establish rituals to solidify their union.  It helps keep the focus on the new union and to avoid negative trips down memory lane about what the last significant other did or didn’t do.

What are the rituals in your marriage or relationship?  Telling us about them may help other couples searching for ways to connect.  Here are the guidelines:

    1. List one ritual for each response (feel free to submit more than once!)
    2. Why you do it, how it started, how long you’ve been doing it and any obstacles and backup plans for doing it if you miss it.

 

Next time: 3 Types of Marriage Rituals.