Talk Rituals: The Most Important Marriage Ritual of All |

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Rituals in marriage are the things that happen often, are planned together and special mostly to you and your spouse.  Read the Rituals in Marriage and 3 Types of Rituals in Marriage posts in this series to learn more about rituals.

One of the most common communication techniques taught to improve marriage is that couples should have 15 minutes of uninterrupted conversation time daily sometimes called a Talk Ritual.  Not many couples reach this goal, especially when they have children.  Those who aren’t married can’t fathom that ever being a problem, because when you are dating everything is new and often not taken for granted.  Add our over-technology driven world with iPods, tablets, television, etc. and it gets even more rare.  Talking to each other sleepily in the bed or while watching tv doesn’t really count as a “talk ritual” for connection in most situations.

The first thing to do when starting the talk ritual is to go to your private, planned space with each other. This includes setting a regular time and place your talk to happen each day.  It could involve talking while having a cup of coffee, ice cream, etc.

Secondly is to engage in the actual uninterrupted talking.  This talking should not include “family business management”.  Things like problem solving or issues that will definitely cause an argument are family business management.  Doing that can cause one or both to avoid sitting down for the talk.  It’s a check in for connecting with your spouse not dealing with hard issues.

Last is the ending stage.  There should be a mutual knowledge of when the talk will end.  If you meet in a restaurant it could be when the server brings the check.  That way you both know and no one ends up getting cut off.    This avoids having to negotiate the ending which could lead to conflict.

What are the rituals in your marriage or relationship?  Telling us about them may help other couples searching for ways to connect.  Here are the guidelines:

    1. List one ritual for each response (feel free to submit more than once!)
    2. Why you do it, how it started, how long you’ve been doing it and any obstacles and backup plans for doing it if you miss it.

Thanks for reading.  Read all parts of this topic by clicking the links above.

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