Vacation or Stresscation!!!

Many families travel during the summer. The kids are out of school and it makes travel easier. Planning the right vacation for you family can sometimes be stressful. Especially when no one really wants to take the same type of vacation.  For example, my family recently took a summer vacation.  My idea of a fun vacation is a beautiful location, where I have to do minimal work…..laying around sipping on mai tai’s. My husband’s idea of a fun vacation is seeing sights and learning. The kids, of course want thrill and action. This year was my husband’s pick. He chose New York and Washington D.C. I happen to love both places so I was on board…..I totally forgot how much walking these places entail….my Fitbit was in super throttle mode the entire trip.  Prior to the trip, we were back and forth on the details of the trip…this to me is the stressful part, along with being on a schedule to make sure you get everything in….yeah, my husband’s a planner. Even though it was not my ideal vacation, I think we all had a awesome time…….and extra family bonding time and in the end that’s all that matters!!!

Perspective

Perspective

A few months back I remember reading an article about this dress that was causing mass hysteria over its color.  Some individuals saw the blue and black.  Others saw gold and white.  How is this dress (which happens to be one and the same) have two different sets of colors?  Personally, I saw the blue and black.  However, when I viewed the dress from another angle, I noticed the white and gold.  So, what does the dress have to do with perspective?  Everything.

How we see things and comprehend things makes up our world — our perspective.  Others may not share the same view, thoughts, feelings, etc. and that is okay.  They have their perspective.  Sometimes we may feel frustration towards our spouse because they see the same thing differently – money, time, goals.  It’s when these frustrations are not being addressed and turn into resentment that perspectives may be dangerous.  To understand one’s perspective, simply take a step out of your shoes and place on their boots, heels, flats for a minute.  How do they view the situation?  What are their thoughts and frustrations?  When we open up our perspective to see another person’s view, we become more understanding and sometimes empathic.

One of the biggest eye openers I have mentioned to some of my male clients is this: You come home from working 8-12 hours a day at an exhausting job that underpays the amount of work that you do.  You drive through unbearable 8AM and 5PM traffic five days out of the week.  Your first thought is to sit in front of the TV to relax for a few minutes – without interruptions.  Your wife and children are ready to ask you questions, make requests, etc.  You get frustrated that they are not able to understand the hardships that you are going through in order to make the family stay afloat.  Guess what… they probably do.  Do you, as a husband, understand the hardships that your wife may be going through with taking care of the children 24/7, cooking, cleaning, transporting, etc.  When do they find time to have a lunch break, traffic, or TV break without children?  A housewife practically can’t even use the restroom without an interruption.

The point is this: When we understand another person’s perspective, we are then able to move towards a common goal/agreement.  We will have more sympathy (and maybe even some empathy) towards the other person.  When we are able to step out of our own world and examine other people’s point of views, we are then able to understand others better.

Until next time, be blessed.

Two Ears, One Mouth

TwoEarsOneMouth

I have had the privilege to attend a Bible Conference for the last month called Journey to Joy.  The Pastor remarked that in God’s infinite wisdom He gave all of us two ears and one mouth.  However, we tend to use our mouths to be understood instead of our ears to gain understanding.  Imagine how different our marriages would be if we used our two ears to listen more than our one mouth to ensure that our partner understands our feelings?  How affirmed our children would feel if we listened with our ears to their ideas and thoughts, instead of using our mouths to tell them how to think and feel?  How would our friendships change if we used our two ears to empathize with a friend’s pain, instead of our mouths to spread their pain to others’ ears?  This week, let’s try to exercise our two ears more than our one mouth and see what changes we observe in our relationships with others.

 

We The People or Some of The People!!!

Us Constitution Free Clipart

The Preamble of the U.S. Constitution reads “We the people in order to form a more perfect union, establish justice, insure domestic tranquility, provide for the common defense, promote the general welfare, and secure the blessings of liberty to ourselves and our posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America”….it does not read “some of the people.” Our current society leaves me pondering these words. Even though the constitution was written during slavery, the wording implies all U.S. Citizens. Actions however, express that inequality is prevalent. It seems like the death of minorities (specifically African Americans) by the hands of white police officers has become the norm. Since the first officer got away with murder, there has been a ripple effect. This ripple has not been limited to officers; other civilians in the majority have decided to take the law into their own hands as well. What’s good for the goose……is good for the gander. These senseless acts are only adding fuel to an escalating fire. In my opinion, police abuse has become the modern day lynching for African Americans. By no means am I saying that every individual that has been detained by police officers has been wrongfully detained……I do however; believe that this “shoot first and ask questions last” mentally is exclusively applied to African Americans. How many times do we have to endure these senseless acts before something is done? All life matters!!! Should I pay my taxes based on the equality of services I receive as a minority? No that would be seen as Un-American.  When will we the minority stop being treated like second class citizens? “We the people”…. the U.S. is clearly to concerned with the color of a person’s skin, than the content of their character. My condolences to Ms. Sandra Bland’s family.

Consensual Sex

Consensual Sex

Let’s talk about sex.

According to Merriam-Webster, sex is defined as a physical activity in which people touch each other’s bodies, kiss each other, etc. : physical activity that is related to and often includes sexual intercourse (http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/sex).

Sex falls on a spectrum that ranges from intimacy: the act between two committed and consensual individuals, to rape: the act of an individual dominating power and control over the other without consensus.  Making whoopee (as The Honeymoon Game show would say) with your spouse is supposed to be fun, enlightening, sensual, and spiritual.  That is if both are in agreement of the physical activity.  When one person declines the offer, however, the other should respect his/her request.  Sometimes, that request is violated.

Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network (RAINN) reported alarming statistics of how often sexual assault occurs in the United States.  Within a given year, there are 293,066 sexual assault victims.  That means every 107 seconds there is a reported victim of sexual assault!  It is heartbreaking to know that there is about 14 victims in a single day!  If you are thinking that there is no such thing as rape within a marriage, think again.  Rape, whether it be within a marriage or dating, is associated with assault and battery charges.

So, why is it so hard for some individuals to accept the two letter, simple word “NO” when it comes to sex?  Let me assist by showing this short clip of the importance in respecting your partner’s request.

Warning: there are a few f-bombs in the beginning of the clip.

50/50: Divorce Is Rising

Divorce Is Rising

Divorce Is Rising

The divorce rate in America is extremely high. It is at 50%. That means that every couple that gets married has a 50/50 chance that they will not make. We all know that anytime something has 50/50 odds… it is a big gamble. No wonder many people or opting to get married later in life or not at all. There are many things contributing to this discrepancy. One is a lack of communication. We have become a nation built on fast pace and technology. People want what they want and they want it now. There is no communication, no reasoning, no compromise, and no empathy. Anytime a person feels like they are not being heard or their need are not being meet…they leave. Another major issue is we, as a country, no longer value love. No one wants to hold hands anymore. People don’t sing about love only about sex. Couples do not court anymore. If you are not ‘putting out’ by the second date in most cases there will not be a third. Not only has love all but vanished, but so has pride integrity, and respect. Men are degrading women and women are degrading themselves. People want to talk about how much we have evolved, and about how there is no reason to be stuck in the 50’s. The problem with this way of thinking is that people seem to think that there is no progress unless there is a complete change. There is nothing wrong with dating or passing notes. What happened to chivalry and opening doors for women? Why is holding hands and romance a crime. These things collectively make up love and if properly executed will create longer marriages. Marriages are supposed to be til death do us part and put together by God. He knew that a marital life would not be without its trial and that’s why vows say until ‘for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, til death do us part’. We must get back to the basics when couples stuck out the hard times because of love and commitment.