John Gottman – Four Horsemen (Interesting Stuff)
A Blast From the Past – One of My First Blogs The Four Horsemen are a metaphor depicting the end of times in the Old Testament. They describeconquest, war, hunger, and death respectively. Dr. Gottman uses this metaphor to describe communication styles that can predict the end of a relationship. The first horseman in a […]
10 Easy Ways to Connect With Your Spouse
Married couples go into counseling offices everyday complaining that there is no connection in their marriage. It is often an easy fix that starts with these simple steps. 1) The most obvious way is to talk to them. It is often the most easily missed step. Couples come home everyday and don’t talk to their […]
Active Listening Techniques
During an emotional situation couples are both trying to be heard and get their point across. Usually both people are preparing their next defense or tuning the other person out. Active listening steps: Pray together before talking about a touchy subject. Make eye contact, nod and listening noises like “uh huh…hmm…” When you don’t seem […]
Marriage Communication Roadblock #12
Comparing, putting down, dismissing. Ex: “Why can’t you be like (insert name)’s wife/husband?….” (My mother cooked potatoes this way…, My father could build a house…)
Marriage Communication Roadblock #11
Condescending, excusing, placating. Ex: “You are over-reacting, suck it up….” (Aww that’s too bad…, Take a pill or something…).
Marriage Communication Roadblock #10
Joking using sarcasm, kidding, teasing, making light of. Ex: “Why don’t you just shut up?….” (Stop crying…, So what makes you so smart?…).
Marriage Communication Roadblock #9
Diverting, avoiding, by-passing, disagreeing, shifting, silent treatment Ex: “Let’s not talk about it now?….” (Not at the dinner table…, That reminds me…).
Marriage Communication Roadblock #8
Questioning, probing, cross-examining, prying, interrogating Ex: “Why have you been spending so much time on the phone with Andre?….” (Who…Where…When…How…What…?).