Listening

listening

listening

Silence may be golden, but can you think of a better way to entertain someone than to listen to him?–Brigham Young

Listening is a lost art!  It bothered me greatly that growing up I had to plead with my mother to put down the news paper and turn off the television to get her undivided attention.  Being present in the moment and giving our undivided attention to one another is a worthy endeavor.  We give more emphasis on sending thank you cards than on listening and being present in the moment.  We have endless ways to capture the moment through pictures, video, audio and documenting in writing but what is the point if we are not listening to each other in the moment?

Speak Your Success Into Existence

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When I was an undergraduate student at UTSA, I majored in Psychology and minored in Linguistics.  Psychology has always been fascinating to me, but Linguistics was a new concept.  I love the origins, sounds, and the power that our English language possesses and I wondered quite frequently of where I may use it with my Psychology/Counseling degrees.  Well, I found a way and a SUCCESSFUL one!

Yes, actions speak louder than words… however, words establish and maintain our actions.  For example, recently I said “I can’t change a deadbolt, I don’t know how.”  By saying those words, I have already placed restrictions on my capabilities of changing a deadbolt.  I was already throwing in the towel and on my way to place a call to a locksmith, an expert in that field.  However, my husband stated that I am capable of doing it, if I put my mind to it.  When I watched him change out one of the deadbolts, I started having thoughts of “I might be capable of doing this” and saying to him “Let me try the next one.”  My chances of success increased by x2 (according to the chances of success chart above)!!  When I SUCCESSFULLY completed changing out a deadbolt by myself an hour after I thought of throwing in the towel, I reached 100%.  I changed a deadbolt without the assistance of an expert!

What powerful thoughts and words we tell ourselves!  If we say we can’t do something, guess what you can’t and more than likely, won’t do it.  If we say “I got this”, your chances of succeeding tremendously increase.  This is called the Law of Attraction.  Whatever you put out into the universe, you shall receive.

I challenge you to quit your stinking thinking and start thinking and saying “I can” and “I am”.  You might find yourself surprised of all the capabilities that you have!

First Love

firstlove

firstlove

Last year around this time I attended a seminar, “The Forgotten First Love,” by Heather Lindsey.  She spoke about how we often forget that when we accept God as our Lord and Savior, we said a spiritual “I do!”  She reminded us that our first love (whether we are married or not) is to Jesus Christ.  We often forget our first love because we thirst for an earthly love.  And, of course, nothing is wrong with that because God is love, and He created love and our desire to have love and companionship.  She reminded the single ladies that the waiting time is preparation for becoming ready for our earthly soul mate.  In this waiting season, if we are not able to fully commit to God, then we will do the same with our earthly soul mate.  We will only give our earthly soul mate part of our day, heart, and time because we haven’t learned to surrender to our first love, God.

Remember, Someone is very much in love with you.  Take heart that He has not forgotten about you even if you forget about Him!!

 

Are You Ready for a Spring Cleaning?

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We are three months into the new year and many of us don’t remember what our new year’s resolution were. The one way we can get back on track with your resolution is by starting early on our spring cleaning. It is important to clean out your mind, body, soul and spirit at least once every three months. It is easy to allow toxins into our lives because we are too busy to notice or don’t feel worthy of having peace. If we do an overhaul on our lives to evaluate where we are and where we want to be, we can get rid of all of the negative issues that surrounds us. There is a season for everything in our lives and it is okay let people or things go because their season has ended.

If you are unsure on how to spring clean your life, please contact me so I can help you get rid of those toxins that is stopping you from being the best person you can be.

Hope After Affair

Hope After Affair

An affair is the most painful betrayal a spouse can experience in marriage. Individuals are getting tempted more then ever with technology like Facebook and texting. Most start off innocently and get tangled up with an emotional affair not realizing they are doing anything wrong. If you are experiencing a deep wound as a result of infidelity I want to share with you that there is hope. Your relationship can recover and heal, and you can have a marriage that exceeds anything you could have imagined. I have seen it and have been a part of this transformation with many couples.

If an affair has entered into your marriage it is vital to get professional help immediately. Contact with the lover must end immediately. There cannot be any contact with that individual. Once these two steps are made, then healing can start by looking at underlying issues that led to this. Intimacy between the two spouses can be rebuilt by rebuilding safety and trust. This can be accomplished by meeting each others needs and filling each others love tanks. Trust can be rebuilt with consistency and time. Forgiveness is a vital step as well. If you are caught up in infidelity take the fist step and seek professional help. We are here to help guide you in the healing and rebuilding process. Please give us a call.

Building Blocks Towards an Intimate Relationship

Building Blocks Towards an Intimate Relationship

Have you ever put together furniture from IKEA?  Their furniture is fantastic and upholds for many, many years.  However, the beginning pieces of the furniture assembly is the toughest.  IKEA offers furniture at a reasonable price, because they do not have employees that go out and assemble the furniture for you.  Instead, you receive a box full of multiple boards, screws, nails and instructions only in picture format.  Your goal: duplicate the amazing item that you saw on display via following the pictures.  Back in 2012, that was definitely the litmus test for my husband (fiance back then) and I and our relationship.

The assembly process took a good 3 hours to complete.  During that time, we had our fair share of frustrations, soreness and accomplishments.  The accomplishments outweighed the other two for sure, because we worked as a team and envisioned the same end product.  The same goes for developing an intimate relationship.  Gottman, a well noted researcher on marital stability, discovered that building an intimate foundation with a relationship includes three components: love maps, fondness and admiration, and turning towards.

Do you know your partner’s likes/dislikes, aspirations and/or stressors?  If so, you are in tune with knowing your partner’s love map.  Gottman noted that in the beginning of the relationship, couples are highly aware of each others love map.  However, over time love maps may be neglected.  Be aware when you need to update your partner’s love map by acknowledging their growth and changes.

Fondness and admiration can take you a long way in an intimate relationship.  This too can decrease with time if  you are not careful.  Praise and appreciate your loved one by expressing your love periodically and spontaneously.  Make sure the praise is specific, timely and recent.  For example, if your significant other received a new hair do today, compliment them the moment you notice them and their new hair style!

Do you and your significant other fill each others “emotional bank account”?  You can start filling up your partner’s “emotional bank account” by turning towards him/her.  Turning towards means paying attention to your partner and their words, actions and desires.  Being there for them and listening to their needs will help your relationship connection.

Keep the love alive in your relationship today by applying these three simple components!  If you are in need of assistance in accomplishing these building blocks, contact Family First Counseling.  We are here to help you and your significant other in discovering ways to improve your relationship!