Just because you are not having sex doesn't mean you are not cheating! |

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19 August 2014
Comments: 3

Just because you are not having sex doesn't mean you are not cheating!

You are cheating if you are having an emotional affair! What is an emotional affair? An emotional affair is any infidelity that occurs through feeling or thought. It is considered cheating if you are having any type of intimate correspondence with someone while on your cell phone, Facebook, or email. Emotional affairs are NOT harmless. Emotional cheating involves secrecy, deception, and therefore betrayal.

In emotional cheating you are violating your spouse’s trust, making it the most painful aspect of an affair which is also the most difficult to recover from. When you are waiting to share your innermost thoughts, funny jokes, and personal experiences for that other person you are crossing the line. If you find yourself comparing this person to your spouse, and you are looking forward to your next conversation you are crossing the line. If they are kept a secret from your spouse it is a big red flag and you are crossing the line. Once you are drawn into an emotional affair you can find yourself feeling that you don’t want to stop.

It has been proven that not having sex makes the connection between the two people even more powerful because it feels genuine and romantic. Don’t fool yourself into thinking that you will not take it any further. Over half of emotional affairs start out innocently as online friendships. Over 70% of those friendships end up as real sexual affairs. Did you hear what I said? This is nothing to play with. If you are in an emotional affair end it before it is too late. Quitting cold turkey is the best way to move past an emotional affair. Also realize how this affair is hurting everyone involved.

Put yourself in the shoes of your spouse and see how you would feel if you were put in this position. In addition, take the responsibility of the lack of integrity and honesty within yourself that created this situation. Seek help from a therapist so that you can work through deeper issues that brought up the emotional affair. Stay honest with your spouse and share all of your hopes, achievements, attractions, temptations, and failures with them. Make sure to make a weekly date night a priority. Surround yourself with happily married friends and even have an accountability partner. If you want to save your marriage deal with your problems as soon as you can, and the earlier your cut of your emotional affair the better.

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Vernesa Perry

Vernesa is currently a Masters of Clinical and Counseling Psychology student at Capella University supervised by Megan R. Lee, LPC-S. She graduated from Presentation College with a Bachelors in Social Work.

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3 responses on “Just because you are not having sex doesn’t mean you are not cheating!

  1. Wow, very interesting…I would like to know the stats on how many spouses come clean about their emotional affair(s) to their spouse. Or do they believe that it’s harmless flirting if intercourse does not occur?

  2. Rhonessia Johnson, LMFT-A says:

    Good stuff Vernesa! I’m sure with the evolution and advancements of technology and social media, this will be an important topic in therapy! And a good tool to add to my premarital relationship toolbox! 🙂

  3. Well said Vernessa! It seems that the integrity in marriages mean nothing these days. These type blogs hopefully will help bring back the honesty and honor that the union of marriage deserves. Thanks for this one.

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