Is Divorce Possible Before Marriage? |

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28 January 2015
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Is divorce possible before marriage

If you live together with someone before getting married, your chances of divorce increase significantly. Also, almost every problem people think they are avoiding by living together actually increases — abuse, infidelity, breakup, etc.

Even though cohabiting with someone might seem like a good idea — it is a practical disaster. The worst thing about cohabitation is the mindset that drives it. To understand this mindset and how it sets up a relationship for failure — you must first understand the mindset that is necessary for success in marriage.

Marriage is a covenant relationship that is a every important relationship that God has with man or we have with each other. The word covenant means “to cut”. The idea is sacrifice and total commitment — just as Jesus instituted the New Covenant with us in His blood.

We must enter into marriage with a covenant mentality. When we say our vows, “…for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health…until death do us part…” we must mean business. Covenant commitment lays the foundation for lasting love and mutual care.

In cohabitation, covenant commitment is absent. In fact, the spirit that drives cohabitation is the opposite of covenant. You see, in covenant, when a man and woman are getting married, the spirit of the vows they are making is one of assuming responsibility to “love and to cherish” each other in a sacrificial manner.

The spirit of cohabitation is the opposite. The primary reason people choose to live together is to see how good someone is at taking care of them before they will commit. This is why the divorce rate is so high if they marry. From day one — self was at the center stage of the relationship.

Today, half of all couples getting married have lived together before marriage. As I already stated, their chances of having serious problems or divorcing are much higher than couples that didn’t cohabit. But are they cursed without remedy? No. However, to avoid the consequences of cohabitation, there must be a real change in the orientation of the marriage.

Here is how you change things: You must make a covenant commitment that focuses on obeying God and serving your spouse sacrificially. You must get the focus off of yourself and get your foot out of the backdoor.

Because of their fear of marriage problems or divorce, our society has taken the approach that the best way to solve the problem is to live together without formalizing a commitment. In sociological terms we call this cohabitation. On the street it’s called, “shacking up” or “living in sin”. Whatever you call it — it just doesn’t work and it actually produces and multiplies the problems it fears.

God’s way is best. If you are living together — my advice to you is to either split up or get married. If you’re married and lived together before marriage, change the orientation of your focus from yourself to God and your spouse in a covenant commitment. This will remove the flaw in the foundation and give you a solid chance for success in marriage.

Retrieved from Marriage Today

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Vernesa Perry

Vernesa is currently a Masters of Clinical and Counseling Psychology student at Capella University supervised by Megan R. Lee, LPC-S. She graduated from Presentation College with a Bachelors in Social Work.

Latest posts by Vernesa Perry (see all)

2 responses on “Is Divorce Possible Before Marriage?

  1. I found this article to be very interesting but not sure if I agree with it. I am recently divorce after 13 years of marriage. We met in college and move in together about two years before we were married. I don’t feel that my divorce was due to me co-habituating before marriage. Being 40, I see marriage a little differently. I consider myself a spiritual person, but I don’t have the need to have to be married in order to live and have a lasting relationship with someone. I do see myself being married again one day, but going through a marriage and divorce, I am more in tune with who I choose to be in a relationship with. I feel that no matter if you co-habitat or not, you must have GOD be the center of your life. You shouldn’t get into a relationship with anyone before you have a relationship with GOD. Everyone relationship with GOD is different and every relationship and marriage is different.

  2. David and I cohabitated before marriage. He was adamant in getting married before we moved in together, yet I was a little weary of marrying someone after only knowing each other for two years. I guess you can say I was fearful of taking such a deep plunge. However, we made an agreement to be engaged in order to live together, knowing that we are to marry within a time-frame of our cohabitation. So, the day that we moved into “our” apartment, he popped the question. Of course we are married now (a year and a half almost) and still growing strong in our relationship. I believe as long as you and your partner are committed to each other for the long run, whether you marry before moving in or be engaged (like us) your marriage should live longer than a couple that are non-married living together.

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