What’s the hardest thing you have ever done? For me the answer is simple… it was a conversation I had with my wife. About 5 dates into our relationship we were already both very confident that we would marry each other. Because of this I mentioned on that particular date that I want for us to have a talk at some point in the future before we were married where we confessed everything about ourselves to one another so that we did not enter marriage with any secrets. In my mind when I brought this up I had no specific date of when I thought this should happen so I guess I had it set as a hypothetical undetermined date. What my wife said next kind of shocked me… she asked if we could go ahead and have that conversation at that point. So much for that hypothetical future date!
What followed was hands down the hardest talk I have ever had with another human being. While I am not the worst of people, and had nothing overly villainous to confess I still have things about my past that I am ashamed of, I regret, and I did not really want anyone else to know about. Also, while I know I am not defined by my mistakes, let me tell you, to do a rundown of all the things I wish I had never done was pretty brutal. At one point I felt like I was playing right into the devil’s hands where I was willingly condemning myself. I felt so bad while doing this that I broke down and began to weep uncontrollably.
However, on the other side of that talk I felt liberated. Two things happened in that moment that moved me from “hardest things I’ve ever done” to “the most free I’ve ever felt.” I got to listen to my future bride say that the things I just confessed did not matter, and that she forgave me because she knows that is not who I am anymore. Also, I got a real tangible picture of how Jesus feels about me. To be His means that regardless of how bad your sin is His grace covers it all. It was the weirdest transition from feeling terrible to feeling liberated in a matter of moments.
The point I hope I am making with all of this is that secrets within marriage are terrible! I wish I could confess to you that after that conversation with my wife I have never been tempted to keep a secret from her. Unfortunately, that temptation still rears its ugly face. It is hard work to fight against it, but knowing that we are completely open in our marriage helps us trust one another and stay close and strong. I know we are not perfect at it, but I also know there are a lot of couples that hold fast to secrets, and it pains me to see that do damage in their marriage. I encourage you to have hard conversations and rid your marriage of secrets.