I told my husband of 14 years to not worry about to getting anything for me this Valentine’s Day. No, I’m not the best wife ever or being a martyr. I just was thinking of how manufactured and commercialized Valentine’s Day has become. Americans and those looking to make a profit after Christmas have turned this holiday into something that often produces a lot of pressure. If you’re in a relationship then you feel pressured with “what should I buy him/her?” And if you’re not then you might be bummed on Valentine’s Day with seeing all the social media posts about “look what I got from my ____, he/she is so wonderful!” Then I had a second thought. For those men that are not naturally romantic this holiday pushes them to think and do things outside of their comfort zone.
Have you ever heard that men’s minds are like waffles and women’s minds are like spaghetti? This means that in a woman’s brain everything connects. We can start out talking about work and end up talking about how we think we need another pair of shoes. Women totally just got how that would connect! Men section things off in their minds. When they talk about work, they focus on that, they don’t move to another topic without a noticeable verbal transition to signify why the second subject is coming up. When they do things they are in that “box” and don’t easily get out of that box without first a little mental effort and deciding to do so. For instance, when a man is watching a football game, he’s in his “sports box.” If the wife walks in and asks him a question he either doesn’t hear her because she is not in the sports box with him or if he hears her then he must make a mental effort to switch boxes. Sometimes depending on the question he must occupy two boxes: the relationship box (so he doesn’t respond in a negative way because she just interrupted his sports box) and perhaps the parent box because she asked him a question about the kids. Women, by the way, men really do have a nothing box then can mentally go to! I know —-MIND BLOWN!—– they really are thinking of nothing when you ask them “what cha thinking?” and they respond with “nuthin.”
So even though Valentine’s Day is a overly commercialized holiday. And YES you should tell someone you love him or her more than one time per year. It is a good reminder for men to get into their “loving/romantic box” because for some men that box is not used very often and sometimes forgotten about for weeks at a time.
So I hope you had a good Valentine’s Day and if you didn’t then I hope this helps you realize that men and women’s brains work differently. So you can now decide to be happy that you’re single and you don’t have to deal with this box and spaghetti thing. Or if you’re in a relationship you can decided to give some grace to your loved one because some boxes are hard to access and some plates of spaghetti are covered with too much sauce (i.e. stress)
To give credit: I did not come with the concept of boxes and spaghetti. I borrowed it from Jimmy and Karen Evans. I can’t recall the name of the video but here’s a link to their YouTube page where there’s a ton of great videos on marriage.