Infidelity

Types of Infidelity

 

Infidelity, cheating and unfaithfulness has been around since the beginning of time; however it has become even more complicated by what constitutes being unfaithful in relationships. Traditionally, cheating was classified as having a physically intimate relationship with someone other than your partner.  But nowadays, cheating has many faces and colors.  Of course, this is not to say that physical intimacy with someone other than your partner is a lesser offense than any other type of unfaithfulness.

One type of infidelity is the texting and phone affair. Flirty, suggestive or sexually explicit text messages or pictures are sent to someone other than your partner.  You also can over share intimate information with this person as well. Another type of infidelity is cyber cheating. Again, this is flirting or over sharing with another person.  You may also be searching and/or posting on dating sites.  It can also include viewing porn regularly that negatively impacts your emotional and sexual relationship with your partner.  A third type of infidelity is emotional cheating that starts off as an innocent friendship with a “work spouse” and/or your best friend. You spend a lot of time with this person and, before you know it, you are confiding and sharing your thoughts, fears, dreams, and secrets with this person.  You have an affection for this person that is typically reserved for your partner.  Often times, emotional cheating can lead to physical intimacy.  And lastly, there is physical infidelity.  Simply put, physical infidelity is sexual intimacy with someone other than your partner.

No matter what type of infidelity it may be, it is equally damaging to a relationship.  If you are doing anything that you wouldn’t want to share with your partner (or God), or you know it would hurt your partner, then you probably are doing something that you should stop doing.

Listening Well

Listening Well

Listening well is a necessary skill as it impacts the quality of our relationships with others. How many of us have heard our children, friend, and/or partner say, “Are you listening to me?” or “You never listen to me.”  With the listening we do all day long, one would think that we all would be so much better at listening.  However, many times we are only hearing the other person because we are too busy performing several other tasks at the same time. Other times we are deep in thought about our own attitudes, thoughts, and feelings  about the subject. Then there are times we are just too sleepy to listen attentively. And of course, we are all guilty of selective listening.

Listening well isn’t just hearing what the other person is saying, but also paying attention to verbal and nonverbal messages as well.  So how can we listen by concentrating on how and what they are saying as well as what they are not saying?  It’s interesting how the lessons that we learn in childhood prove to serve us well in adulthood.  Below is a song that some learn in preschool.  Next time you really want to practice listening well, try implementing the words of this song.

The Listening Song

Eyes Are Watching

Ears Are Listening

Lips Are Closed

Hands Are Still

Feet Are Quiet

You Should Really Try It

Listening Well, Listening Well

 

The Good Ole Days!!!

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Who remembers “the good ole days?” I admit that I am not old enough to have lived during the good ole days era. One of the current presidential candidates keeps referring to “the good ole days.” How he would like for things to be as they were during the good ole days. Who is the candidate? I am quite sure you all already know but for those of you not up to date on current events….it is none other the republican hopeful Donald Trump.  Now, there are several things that Trump says and does that give me pause and great concern but his rallying for the good ole days is over the top in my opinion. First, he accepts funding from a former red dragon of the white supremacists group the KKK, David Duke. And then he goes on the record supporting returning to the good ole days. Although, I am unsure if Trump thinks about things before he speaks….you have to wonder why would a presidential candidate go on record supporting racism? Is it for the extra publicity time or does he just not know any better? He is a P.R. person’s worst nightmare.   I do not think there is one minority that considers the good ole days….good! During the 1950’s and 1960’s (the good ole days era) minorities had little to no rights. Basically, the majority were satisfied because minorities “knew their place”……and if they forgot, there was a tree close enough for the hanging.  During this time African Americans had to fight for the right to vote, to sit in a restaurant with white people….. and let’s not forget education or drinking out of a public water fountain. None of things suggest good ole days to me and I most definitely do not wish to return to the way things were during this time. It was not just African Americans, that were negatively impacted by this era but the lgbt community as well.  By all means vote for who you think is the best candidate for president….not for the person in the limelight. I personally have no desire to vote for someone who has shown me they are a racist.

Can The Death of a Celebrity Cause Sincere Mourning?

Can The Death of a Celebrity Cause Sincere Mourning?

Short answer: Yes! A death of a celebrity can really cause a sincere mourning process!

This blog post was promoted from this post by Huffington Post.  Give it a read; it has a few tips for grieving the loss of a celebrity.

We’ve lost a ton of celebrities this year and it’s only April!  Most of these celebrities I didn’t know their work.  I have a friend whose young daughter was very infatuated with David Bowie.   My friend could attest, I’m sure, that her daughter has mourned his loss!  All of the mother’s friends knew of her daughter’s dream to one day marry Bowie.   There was a serious outpouring of condolences for this child when we heard that Mr. Bowie had passed away.   I was sad for Bowie’s loss but his music was not as much a part of my childhood and teen years as was Prince’s music.

So for the first time in my life I’m sincerely grieving the death of a celebrity and I know many of my friends are.   I’m not racked with grief as though I’ve lost a close friend but I do feel the loss.   Several times in my life I longed to attend one of his concerts but due to time or limiting resources it never happens for me and this is a loss for me.  I will never have that experience I had planned to one day have.

Music has always been very important to me throughout my life.   I spent my first two years of college as a music major on a full-ride scholarship for my vocal talents.   I only have a few artists that I love enough to grieve their death probably because I attempt to keep a close grip on idol worship in my life.

I realize a large part of my grieving process is because Prince’s music provided a sound track to my younger years and his death brings home the realization that I’m not a teenager anymore.  Yes I’m over 40 and although I know I’m a full-fledged adult feeling it is a different matter all together.   I know I’m not alone in this feeling of not realizing I’m an adult some days.   When we have enjoyed the talents of celebrities for decades of our lives it drives home the realization of our own impending death, especially when didn’t expect the death.   Robin William’s death was upsetting to me as well since I know I will no longer enjoy his acting talents in a new movie.  I think since Prince was a musician his passing hits me a bit harder because music can touch the soul.

Grieving the death of a celebrity you never met is not silly or a waste of time, it’s part of the process of realizing that nothing lasts forever and  everyone’s time here on earth is short.  So be sure to not waste a day of this life!

“Dearly beloved
We are gathered here today
To get through this thing called LIFE
Electric word, life.”

From Reacting to Responding

from reacting to responding

 

Being able to move from reacting to responding can be a challenging feat. Honestly, both seem pretty comparable because we often use the words interchangeably; but when using in practice, they are quite different.

Reacting is usually an impulsive, emotional action.  For example, your husband cheats on you. You are angry and hurt. You (react) retaliate by having an affair of your own. You are out on a date with the Mrs. Someone approaches her and is flirting. You are angry and feel disrespected. You (react) punch the dude in the face.

Responding involves simmering your emotional action with logical, critical thinking. Your husband cheats on you. You are angry and hurt. You (respond) take some time to yourself to figure out and explore what you need for resolution. Then you communicate this to your husband. You are out on a date with the Mrs.  Someone approaches her and is flirting. You are angry; you feel disrespected. You (respond) by letting him know she is with you.

Moving from reacting to responding is much easier said than done. But we are all accountable for what comes out of our mouth and how we treat others. The more you practice responding in little every day stressors, you are training your brain to be able to respond instead of react to greater stressors.

Some things that have been helpful to me:

1) Be aware of my body and thoughts.

Are your palms sweaty?  Are your teeth clenching?  Do you have balled up fists?  Are your thoughts racing? Or you can’t think at all? These are all precursors that whatever comes next is probably a reaction and not a response. Resist doing anything when you notice these signs. Take deep breaths.

2) Take a “time-out”

Walking away or ending a conversation is not weak or giving up control.  In fact, reacting often leads to being out of control and living with regrets. Taking a time-out allows for you to explore options and decide what is going to be best. Then you can respond accordingly.

3) Ask yourself, “what do I want the end goal to be?”

After reacting, we often reflect , have regrets and say “hindsight is 20/20.”  In the moment, if we take time to transport to the future, we can determine the best response.

 

What else may be helpful?