Pro Bono and Family!!!

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Baking and cake decorating is my relaxation therapy as well as a hobby I have become pretty good at. I enjoy baking when I want to do it. I do have some repeat paying customers. They seem to be pleased and I do go out of my way to accommodate them. I do wonder if my gift is a Blessing or a curse at times…usually when I’m dealing with family members.  For some reason a lot of my family members feel that when it comes to me and baking….pro bono is the only way.   Normally, when I am doing cakes etc… for kids in my family I do not charge unless the parent decided to do a last minute request! I do request that family members who are constantly in need of goods pay for the ingredients….yeah, they agree to do so and then I do not receive a dime….. although they do receive the cake etc…. I have noticed that the request are becoming more frequent, the details more difficult….yet the funds are remaining the same. I recently had a request that entailed a lot of detail….which is very time consuming. This person would have easily had to pay over $150.00 for this service….but I am out of time and money. I think my family is abusing the pro bono privilege.  My question is, should I continue to provide this service pro bono to family members…even when we have agreed on other arrangements or should I start charging them a fee for all services? I’m not getting the relaxation out of it….sigh!!!

 

Laws of Attraction

Some singles are in a committed relationship and others are hoping that Cupid will strike his arrow and they will attract the right person into their life.  Instead of dating blindly, here are some laws of attraction to study while waiting for Cupid to hit his mark.

PHYSICAL ATTRACTION

Obviously, we are initially, romantically attracted to the physical, the first thing that draws our attention.  Let’s be clear.  This is important.  Physical attraction includes anything from good hygiene and fitness to a great smile.

MENTAL ATTRACTION

Once we are drawn physically, intellectual compatibility is important in igniting a friendship and sustaining a relationship.  Fulfilling conversations and mutual interests add to the initial physical attraction.

SPIRITUAL ATTRACTION

You’ve now established that you both are physically and mentally attracted to one another.  Spiritual attraction is one step deeper.  Do we share a similar commitment to serving others, God, and spiritual growth?  Do their words match their actions?  Are our moral codes on the same level?

ECONOMICAL ATTRACTION

Financial stressors can be challenging.  You’re a saver, your mate is a spender.  You want to help your family in a crisis, but your mate disagrees.  Your mate wants to wait on the sale date, you want to buy now.  Do you and your mate share similar ideals of financial security and responsibility?

 

What other laws of attraction can you think of?

DIY Project: How to Build the Foundation for a Perfect Love Story

DIY Project_How to Build the Foundation For a Perfect Love Story
DIY PROJECT: How to Build the Foundation for a Perfect Love Story

The following ingredients are needed for this DIY project and can be found in a local bible near you at 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 
1 cup of Patience
¾ cup of Kindness
2 cups of Rejoicing
1-2 cups of Trust
1-2 cups of Forgiveness
4 cups of Belief
3 cups of Hope
2 cups of Endurance

First, understand that there is a mixture we have to make for the foundation to be smooth enough to be laid.

Step 1: Begin with 1 cup of patience with yourself and 1 cup of patience with your partner. You were both created with flaws. There will be mistakes made and mountains to overcome and this ingredient will help tremendously in the long run.

Step 2: Use your brush to stir in a ¾ cup of kindness in the mixture. Be gentle with your words, your actions, your heart, and with your partner’s heart. Go out of your way, matter of fact, get out of your way and be kind to one another.

Step 3: This a BIG step- the elimination step, also known as the purging. This process may take some time and could be on-going. You ready? Purge that full cup of envy, which I never told you to grab! Hating Facebook, your partner’s job, or family because it takes some of your partner’s attention won’t do you any good. Have faith that his/her heart belongs to you. Boastfulness, you know, telling your partner all that you have sacrificed will only make him/her feel bad. So if you love your partner, eliminating this won’t be a problem. And that pint of Arrogance or rudeness will only crack the foundation that you are trying to build. So let’s get rid of that too! Oh and don’t forget the importance of getting rid of your ½ cup of stubbornness-you know insisting your own way. It will ruin this project! Next, throw the ¾ cup of wrongdoing in the trash– lies and cheating don’t belong here!

Step 4: Throw out the record of wrongdoings of the past. Let go of the resentment that slowly crept its way into the mixture.

Step 5: Once you have completed Step 4, pour in 2 cups of rejoicing in the truth of God’s glory and your union! Focus on and remind each other of the good qualities and times.

Step 6: Now are you ready for the restoration? Pour in trust and forgiveness are an essential for this project, I would say you need at least 1-2 cup of each.

Step 7: Do know that this foundation will bear a heavy load at times. Therefore, be understanding and 3 cups of believe in this mixture will help you understand that if you followed the instructions carefully, it will hold up the weight of every pound that is put on it.

Step 8: 2 cups of hope are essential as you encounter obstacles. Hope is the ingredient that will help reduce wear and tear.

Step 9: Protect the foundation: physically and mentally, with 1 more cup of belief. Another cup of hope because it’s going to help keep the foundation sturdy, and 2 cups of endurance no matter the stakes.

Step 10: Now keep stirring this mixture until it’s smooth. When you are ready, lay down the foundation mixture and let GOD continue to build the house.

Blog inspired by: GOD 
Love is patience. Love is kind. Love does not envy or boast. Love is not arrogant or rude. Love does not insists its own way. Love is not irritable or resentful. Love does not rejoice at wrongdoing. Love rejoices in truth. Love bears all things. Love believes all things. Love hopes all things. Love endures all things -1 Corinthians 13:4-8.

How to Recognize Emotional Abuse

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What are the signs of emotional abuse?

Emotional abuse is any nonphysical behavior or attitude that controls, intimidates, subjugates, demeans, punishes or isolates another person by using degradation, humiliation or fear (according to Beverly Engel’s book, The Emotionally Abusive Relationship—How to Stop Being Abused and How to Stop Abusing), yelling, screaming, and name-calling are all forms of emotional abuse, as are more subtle tactics such as refusing to be pleased with anything, isolating an individual from family and friends and invalidating another’s thoughts and feelings.

Examples of emotionally abusive behaviors include:

~ Humiliating and degrading
~ Discounting, distorting and negating
~ Accusing and blaming
~ Isolating
~ Withholding affection and emotional support
~ Withholding financial resources ~ Dismissive, disapproving, or contemptuous looks, comments or behavior
~ Threatening harm to an individual’s pets, possessions or person

The effects of emotional abuse are often debilitating. They include depression, confusion, difficulty concentrating and making decisions, overwhelming feelings of worthlessness, hopelessness and poor physical health.

Why are some people emotionally abusive?

While the reasons for emotional abuse are complex, most experts believe it is rooted in unresolved childhood trauma. “They are in as much pain as their victims, only they don’t realize it,” explains Dr. Rinck. It takes a great deal of effort and professional guidance for an abuser to overcome his destructive patterns of behavior.

In regards to abuse within marriage, some misinterpret Ephesians 5:22 to justify abusive behavior. Let’s be clear. Scripture reveals that the marriage relationship is to reflect Christ’s relationship with his church—one of sacrificial love. A wife is called to respond to her husband’s biblical headship, not to his destructive and sinful behavior, just as the wife’s mandate is to respect her husband.

God never condones abuse.

Read my next post Breaking Free of Emotional Abuse

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Megan, a native of Kansas City, Kansas, is the owner of Family First Counseling. She actively encourages her daughter’s higher education and community involvement. Megan is a Christian and active in the marriage ministry at her church Cornerstone Baptist Church, in Arlington, TX. Her personal interests include independent film, music and marriage enrichment. Megan is the co-founder of the Minority Behavioral Health Provider Networking Group along with colleague Cynthia Thompson.

3 Types of Attachment in Marriage – Ingredients of a Healthy Marriage – Part I

Attachment

According to Karyn Ellis secure attachment starts at birth and impacts how the child will develop and socialize with others outside of those first attachment relationships. Secure attachment relationships create the sense of belonging, healthy dependency, security and stability that allows the individual to be independent. How the caregiver interacts with the child, meets the child’s needs and recognizes the child’s emotional gestures, as well as the consistency of interaction has a long term impact on how the child develops socially, how they are able to relate to others as well as how stable their future relationships will be. Insecure attachments lead to stress, anxiety, and inability to cope with danger or stress. Insecure individuals are unable to have a happy, secure and or stable attachment to a significant other.

3 Types of Attachment in Marriage

Secure/secure attachment couples are the most successful. The spouses are flexible, able to communicate new patterns, balance between being dependent /independent, and cope with stressful and dangerous situations without too much additional anxiety or conflict. Most importantly the spouses are able to express their needs knowing that their spouse will be able to support them.

Insecure couples lack flexibility (relationship is very rigid) and there is no sense of oneness and consistency. The insecure spouse is self absorbed. These couples cannot negotiate in their relationship and are unable to handle change. In times of change, stress or danger these couples will become highly conflicted. They are unable to cope outside of their rigid roles and they cannot meet the needs of their spouse.   Continue reading more about attachment styles on the next page.

You’re a Witch (clean version) – Chapter 1 of “Why You’re Not Married Yet”

I recently read this book called  “Why You’re Not Married Yet – The Straight Talk You Need to Get the Relationship You Deserve” by Tracy McMillan.  I’m all about sharing information and improving marriage.  So if I can help some folks before they married, I can maybe help some future marriages down the road.  (The views in this book are not necessarily my views or those of Family First Counseling.) Read the previous post to learn more about the book and for a link to Amazon’s review.

You’re a Witch (Or, How Anger and Fear are Keeping You Single)

  1. Do people walk on eggshells around you–and you kind of like it?
  2. Does the idea that you should be nice to a man make you angry?
  3. Have past boyfriends felt that you were defensive or hard to get close to?

Bottom line of this chapter: Most men just want to marry someone who is nice to them.  That includes having sex enthusiastically with them, laughing and occasionally cooking a meal, folding the laundry or something else just because you love him.  If being asked makes you mad, then the answer is probably not.  It boils down to just having a funky attitude often with no reason.  Be conscious of how you express your anger.

Author’s Summary: Take a cold hard look at what no one has been willing to say straight to your face:

  • You’re a witch – You’re not nice, and men don’t want to marry you because of it.
  • Being a witch is really about anger and defensiveness  – The anger looks justified, which is why it seems so righteous.
  • Be nice.
  • Learn to forgive – being nice won’t happen until you forgive.
  • Get a new story – Be creative, live ya life.

Next Post: Chapter 2 – You’re Shallow