Marriage is often a relationship that has struggles in setting boundaries. Much of this is due to the fact that one of the goals of marriage is giving up some of our separateness and becoming one.  We’re going to use the information from the 10 Laws of Boundaries blog earlier this week in the context of marriage. From Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend’s Boundaries Workbook:

The Law of Sowing and Reaping

Many times one spouse may be out of control but may not have to deal with the consequences of the behavior.  Letting and irresponsible spouse suffer consequences is not manipulation . The responsible spouse is limiting how they will allow themselves to be treated and showing self-control.

 TheThe Law of of Responsibility

Setting limits is an act of love.  Instead of taking responsibility for people we love, or rescuing them, we need to show responsibility to them by confronting evil when we see it.

The Law of Exposure

Passive boundaries such as withdrawal, triangulation,   pouting, affairs and passive aggressive behavior are extremely destructive to the relationship. Bound Bies need to be communicated first verbally and then with actions. Be cl Br and unapologetic.

This does not mean as a wife you are not being submissive.  We may feel that we are loving our spouse with grace and unconditional love, but is that what he or she is experiencing.  When the partners in the marriage set boundaries, the marriage can  grow and develop.

The following steps can lead to personal change in a marital relationship:

  • What is the problem?
  • Identify the boundary problem.
  • Find the origin of the conflicts.
  • Utilize your support system
  • Practice with safe people
  • Say no to the bad
  • Forgive
  • Become proactive
  • Learn to love in freedom and responsibility

Setting firm boundaries with your spouse can be scary at first.   Take the risk, knowing that the rewards will be very worthwhile.

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Megan, a native of Kansas City, Kansas is an empty nest parent of three adult children Ayanna, Jonathan and Isiah. Megan is a Christian and active in ministry at her church Cornerstone Baptist Church, in Arlington, TX. She is currently a Doctoral student working toward a Ph.D. in Marriage & Family Therapy at Texas Wesleyan University. Her personal interests include independent film, music and marriage enrichment. Megan is the co-founder of the Minority Behavioral Health Provider Networking Group along with colleague Cynthia Thompson.

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