Opposites attract in the beginning because people are often drawn to strengths they lack in their own temperaments. However over time the things that may irritate you a little may begin to grate on your nerves.
Think back to the time you met your spouse and what attracted you to them. What qualities of their personality did you admire? Every personality type has positive and negative qualities. The four basic temperaments are Sanguine (Jester); Choleric (General); Melancholy (Officer); Phlegmatic (Peacemaker). There are lots of quizzes that help you figure out your personality and your spouses. Activity – list your spouse’s positive qualities on index cards. After making the cards use them to pray for your spouse every day and to thank God for how they are wonderfully made.
Don’t give fake or forced compliments, do it naturally as the Holy Spirit leads you. Brag to others even when you don’t feel like it. Your praise will make them feel loved and understood, if you appreciate them for their differences.
As Christians we have access to all four temperaments through the Holy Spirit, to help us be more balanced. The best way to do that is to study the strengths in each one. Learn to implement each strength in your own life. You can be balanced you don’t have to be more than one thing.
If your spouse feels unloved it can make them behave differently. Gary Chapman says that people behave differently when their emotional love tanks are full. Running your marriage on an empty love tank is the same as running your car with not oil changes, the engine WILL burn out.
One of the first homework assignments I give to couples I counsel is to take the Five Love Languages quiz online. Just as a quick bit of info they are Words of Affirmation; Quality Time; Acts of Service; Physical Touch; Receiving Gifts. But take the quiz! Learning your spouse’s love language can spark the change needed to improve your marriage.
According to Focus on the Family men and women have different needs. They are:
Men’s Needs: (1) respect and admiration, (2) a wife who desires him sexually and doesn’t see sex as a chore, (3) a woman who takes care of herself physically, (4) an orderly home, (5) down time, especially in a man cave, (6) participate or at least try to in activities like playing sports and/or watching sports.
Women’s Needs: (1) a husband who is a man of character and who is loyal and lovingly protects her, (2) non sexual affection (which although it’s a little known secret, women want more sex when these six needs are met), (3) face to face conversation, (4) honesty, when lacking it can decrease intimacy, even a little “white lie” can cause issues, (5) financial security, (6) family commitment.
God doesn’t give us an out because it’s hard to do. The verse says what the verse says. Ephesians 5:21 – 33.